If you are a Brit, you will vote Labour if:

… you see yourself as bottom half of the eco-pile, identify with salaried workers rather than bosses or the self-employed, question the beauty of the Capitalist system, support the extension of the Welfare State, and – more generally – the redistribution of resources from ‘Haves’ to ‘Have Nots’.

You are doubtful about:

1. the wisdom of Anglo-American nuclear policy,

2. support for the Israeli cause,

3. the objectivity of the Brit ‘tory’ press ... ‘pro-Yank, biased against Russia, Conservative Party lackies’.

If you are a Brit, you will vote Conservative if:

… you instinctively group yourself with society’s ‘winners’, see yourself as upwardly mobile, feel that, on balance, the present Capitalist system represents the best of all possible worlds. You identify your personal interests as bound up with the ‘Establishment’, feel impatient with welfare spending, sceptical about public ownership, and generally anxious to ensure the survival of the status quo until you get where you’re going.

If you are a Brit, you will vote Liberal, sdp, or sdp-Lib. Alliance if:

.... you’re all of the latter (see Conservative voters) but conscience-stricken about the poor and less educated, obsessed with marginal libertarian issues (‘a better deal for remand prisoners’, ‘compulsory seat belts for rear-seat passengers’), confused about defence, living in a nice residential area, a regular Guardian reader, and richer than nine-tenths of all Conservative voters.

There is one more category of Brit voter worth noting. Known as ‘deferential Conservatives’, these are people of modest means with no real power-base and no significant stake in the system, who could normally be expected to vote Labour. But they don’t. They vote Tory because:

1. their mothers and fathers did,

2. they have confidence in the system, plus an abiding and deferential respect for the clever people who run it,

3. they don’t like to be any trouble to anyone.

Deferential Conservatives know that they’re not going anywhere, but they don’t seem to mind. They accept their place in the general scheme of things. Anyway, ‘better the devil you know’ and so on. Deferentials are phobic about change. Some political analysts claim that all Brits are deferential Conservatives at heart.

Sons and daughters of deferential Conservatives often display a tendency to cross over in the opposite political direction. This is specially true if their parents’ modest but unstinting efforts have provided them with tertiary education. They are Britain’s equivalent of Yuppies (Buppies?) and have bright futures, but are somewhat crippled by an emotional dilemma. They see their parents as wimps and victims, but can’t face the trauma of despising them. Instead, they turn upon the (Conservative) system which emasculated them, and develop serious social consciences. This means that they wear jeans and hush-puppies, study law but decline to practise, vote Labour and go to work for the BBC. There they spend the rest of their natural lives making hard-hitting documentaries about the perils of multi-lateralism / atrocities of British troops in Northern Ireland / Nelson Mandela, and eventually end up as Heads of Department.