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86. Seek feedback on your performance

"It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong, than to be always right by having no ideas at all." Edward de Bono, lateral thinker

Now usually we don't go round seeking approval because we can follow our gut instincts and we know when we have done a good job. But feedback is always a good thing. You should seek feedback from your peers, your rivals, your team, your bosses and your customers. You are not seeking praise, approval or love, merely feedback. Remember you are all in the same team - from the janitor right up to the CEO, all kicking towards the same goal all waving the same flag - or should be. You should seek feedback to:

identify your strengths and weaknesses

compare the feedback with your own assessment of any situation - to make sure you are on track and realistic with your own self-appraisal

learn from a situation where you went wrong - or got it right - for next time

identify problem areas that need action and over which you have responsibility

see how your team is performing - as additional information to your own assessment.

See, none of this involves praise or approval (or love). It is a realistic appraisal of a situation or project so you can learn and move on.

Now, how do you ask for feedback? Well, asking people in the team is easy, 'So, team, how did we do?' They'll tell you all right.

Next, your boss,' So, Boss, how did I do?' Again easy.

Customers? Easy. 'Is there anything we could do to improve the service / product / delivery times / specifications / proposal?' They'll tell you all right as well.

Colleagues? Just ask. 'So, could you give me some feedback on how you saw the relocation go off?' Or, 'Could you tell me how you think we (you and your team) did with the exhibition?' Or, 'Any chance of some feedback on the cost-cutting exercise / new accounting procedure / staffing levels over the summer holidays / new theme park ride?' Don't preface it with, 'Can you tell me where I went wrong?' or, 'I know the relocation went off appallingly but I don't know where we screwed up.' Or, even worse, 'Help me out here can you, I done wrong but no one will tell me what I did'. Don't give anyone your judgement of the situation in advance. Let them tell you the good and the bad. Just nod at it all and say Thank you' and move on.

87. Maintain good relationships and friendships

"Don't flatter yourself that friendship authorizes you to say disagreeable things to your intimates. The nearer you come into relation with a person, the more necessary do tact and courtesy become." Oliver Wendell Holmes, American poet

I have a friend who has a catchphrase - don't we all? - and his is, 'I don't see how that can possibly be good manners'. He uses it if anyone talks across him at meetings or steals his ideas. I love it because it says everything about poor working relationships. Good manners - what a simple concept but how big a subject.

It is easy to maintain good relationships and friendships at work if you maintain good manners. This doesn't have to mean opening doors for people or carrying their suitcases. Good manners is being polite, warm, human, compassionate, helpful, welcoming -all the things you'd be for your customers, or should be (I'm sure you are).

This becomes tricky when it comes to somebody you don't like, have clashed with in the past or who has been rude or unpleasant to you. But that's when it's most important to use this skill.

Even the rudest and most unpleasant person will find it very hard to keep being rude if you are pleasant, smiling and open with them (especially if you can bear to throw in a little flattery about their expertise on a subject - if its justified, of course).

Try to see your colleagues as if they were equally warm as yourself. If you always approach everyone with cheerful optimism you'll find that they simply have no choice but to respond in kind. Offer help when you can. Speak to everyone as if they were your equal - as indeed they are. Look for the positive points in people - find something to like or respect about them and focus on that. Take as much time with the most modest of employees as you would with the highest. Treat everyone the same - with respect and decency

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