The American Family

The United States has many different types of families. While most American households are immediate families, comprising a father, mother and one or more children, 25 per cent of all American families in 2005 were headed by one parent, usually female-dominated. In a few families in the United Stales, there are no children. These childless couples may believe that they would not make good parents; they may want freedom from the responsibilities of child-rearing; or, perhaps they are not physically able to have children. Other families in the United States have one adult who is a stepparent. A stepmother or stepfather is a person who joins a family by marrying a father or mother.

Americans tolerate and accept these different types of families. In the United States, people have the right to privacy and Americans do not believe in telling other Americans what type of family group they must belong to. They respect each other’s choices regarding family groups.

Families are very important to Americans. One sign that this is true is that Americans show great concern about the family as an institution. Many Americans believe there are too many divorces. They worry that teenagers are not obeying their parents. They are concerned about whether working women can properly care for their children. They also worry that too many families live in poverty. In a nationwide survey, about 80 per cent of the Americans polled said the American family is in a state of crisis. At the same time, when these people were asked about their own families, they were much more hopeful. Most said they are happy with their home life.

How can Americans be happy with their individual families but worried about families in general? Newspaper, motion pictures and television shows in the United States highlight difficulties within families. Family crimes, problems and abuse become news stories. But most families do not experience these troubles. Since the earliest days of the United States, people have been predicting the decline of the family. In 1859, a newspaper in the city of Boston printed these words: “The family in the old sense is disappearing from our land.” Those words could have been written yesterday. But the truth is that families are stronger than many people think.

Four out of five people in the United States live as members of families and they value close kinship ties. In one poll, 92 per cent of the people who were questioned said their family was very important to them.

Families give us a sense of belonging and tradition. They give us strength and purpose. Our families show us who we are. As one American expert who studies families says, “The things we need most deeply in our lives –love, communication, respect and good relationships – have their beginnings in the family.”

Families serve many functions. They provide a setting in which children can be born and reared. Families help educate their members. Parents teach their children values – what they think is important. They teach their children daily skills, such as how to ride a bicycle. They also teach them common practices and customs, such as respect for elders and celebrating holidays. Some families provide each member a place to earn money. In the United States, however, most people earn money outside the home. The most important job for a family is to give emotional support and security.

Families in a fast-paced, urban country such as the United States face many difficulties. American families adjust to the pressures of modern society by changing. These changes are not necessarily good or bad. They are simply the way Americans adjust to their world.

Composition of US households as a percentage of total population, %
Married couple with children	1960	2005
	44	26
Married couple without children	30	28
Other family with children (including single parents)	4	8
Other family (2 or more relatives living together)	7	7
Men living alone	4	11
Women living alone	9	15
Other non-family (2 or more non-related persons living together)	2	5
Source: US Bureau of the Census

Changing American family

When Americans consider families, many of them think of “traditional family.” A traditional family is one in which both parents are living together with their children. The father goes out and works and the mother stays home and rears the children. The biggest change in families in the United States is that most families today do not fit this image. Today, one out of three American families is a “traditional family” in this sense.

The most common type of family now is one in which both parents do paid work outside the home. In 1950, only 20 per cent of all American families had both parents working outside the home. Today, it is 60 per cent. Even women with young children are going back to work. About 51 per cent of women with children younger than one year old now work outside the home.

Another big change is the increase in the number of one-parent families. Between 1980 and 2005, the number of single-parent families more than doubled – from 3.8 million to 9.4 million. In 2005, nearly one out of every four children under 18 lived with only one parent.

Some families look even less like the typical traditional family. They may consist of a couple of one race who have adopted, children of another race, or from another country. In many states, single people may also adopt children. Some people take in foster children – children whose parents cannot take care of them.

Another change is that families in the United States are shrinking. In the mid-1700s, there were six people in the average household. Today the average household contains between two and three people. A household is defined as any place where at least one person is living.

History of the American family

To understand why these changes are happening, let us look at the history of the family in the United States.

When the United States was established, more than 200 years ago, it was a big, sparsely settled country. For many years the immigrants who settled in the United States were nearly all of European origin, but later people came to the United States from all over the world. Life was hard for these early householders. The average marriage in colonial America lasted only 10 years because many people died young. Few people lived to be older than 60. A widow or widower often remarried many times. Even with today’s high rate of divorce, many marriages last longer now than marriages did in the 1700s.

Later, Americans began settling the American West. They were looking for land to farm and for a better life. They left behind their homes, their relatives and friends. When these settlers said good-bye to the people they loved, usually it was forever. These first settlers of the Midwest and the Great Plains of the northwestern United States were isolated; often their nearest neighbor was many miles away. Family members had to work together and to depend on each other to survive.

The family formed an important economic group. All of its members helped to bring food and money into the home. They worked on a farm, planting and harvesting, or they worked making goods to sell at a market. Few people committed themselves to marriage as a result of love or affection alone. Most people married because they needed a family in order to make a living. When people married, often they looked for the husband or wife who could bring the most material goods into the marriage. In colonial America, men who opted out of marriage were heavily taxed. Almost 99 per cent of population married.

Many changes came to families when the United States shifted from being mainly a farming nation to being an industrial nation. This happened in the late 1800s. In 1820, fewer than eight percent of Americans lived it cities. By 1900, about 40 per cent of all people lived in cities. People began earning their money outside the home in factories. Instead of getting married on the basis of economic need, people could marry primarily for love.

As men and women became less dependent on their families for a livelihood, the number of divorces began lo increase. Between 1900 and 1920, the divorce rate doubled; in 1900, there were four divorces for every 1,000 married couples. This trend alarmed people, but divorce was commonplace. The first divorce in the United States occurred in 1639 and involved a man who had married two women. Still, divorce was difficult. A wife was her husband’s property. If a husband abused his wife, she had few alternatives and sometimes a wife, or even a husband, would run away from a bad marriage.

The decade of the 1950s is thought to have been the most family-oriented period in American history. People praised and glorified families. Hundreds of thousand of young couples married. They married at the youngest ages in the history of the United States. In the 1950s, by the time men and women reached 27 years old, more than two-thirds of them were married. Today fewer than half of all 27-year-olds are married.

The 1950s was also a “baby boom” time, with very high birth rates. Today, some people look at the American family of the 1950s as a model or as a goal for the family. Many experts, however, see the 1950s as an exceptional period. In one year alone more than 4.3 million babies were born. The average mother had more than three children; today the average mother has one or two children.

Slowly some of the values accepted during the 1950s began to change. During the 1960s and the 1970s, some women found that they wanted more from life than rearing children, and caring for household matters. Women began to see that they had choices. They could have a job or a family, or both. More women began taking jobs. According to the magazine, US News and World Report, the number of families in which both husbands and wives were in paid work grew by four million during the 1970s.

The period of the late 1970s and early 1980s has also been commonly called the decade of the “me generation.” This is a time in which people have explored alternative life styles. In the 1970s many couples began cohabiting. These couples questioned why they needed a marriage license and did not feel compelled to get married. For about 10 years, the number of cohabiting couples grew rapidly. Birth control also became more widely accepted. Couples were able to choose when they wanted to start a family. Other changes also occurred. One change was a perceptible increase in the number of divorces.

In the mid-1980s, more traditional marriage and family practices made a comeback. Today married couples are the fastest growing type of household in the United States. Women and men are rediscovering the joys of home and family life. Even leaders who speak out strongly for women’s rights are modifying their views regarding the relative importance of the family unit.

Looking at the history of families in the United States helps to explain how the American family is changing. But what do these changes mean? Are they good or bad? In order to understand, let us look at what is behind these numbers.

Divorce

About half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. A divorce happens when a husband and a wife legally disrupt their marriage. The number of divorces grew steadily in the United States for many years. Now, however, the number has stopped growing and during the past few years it has fallen steeply.

Couples in the United States may still be getting divorced or separated at a fairly high rate, but this does not mean that they do not believe in marriage. It simply means that they are giving up being married to a particular individual. Most people in the United Sates who get a divorce petition marry again. About 80 per cent of all men and about 75 per cent of all women who get divorced remarry.

United States divorce laws allow men and women to terminate bad marriages; getting a divorce petition is now rather easy in the United States. And while a 1924 study of families in one town in the American Midwest found few happy stable couples, in 1977, researchers who went back to the same town found that more than 90 per cent of the married couples in that town said they were satisfied or very satisfied with their family situations.

Working mothers

Today 47.9 per cent of all American women work outside their homes. This is a big change for the United States. Only 40 years ago, 75 per cent of all Americans frowned upon wives who became the main breadwinners when their husbands could support them financially. Today, it is socially acceptable that many women are in paid work outside the home.

There are two reasons why mothers and wives work. One reason is that there are many opportunities for women, including the jobs of an engineer, a physician, a teacher, a government official, a mechanic or a manual laborer. The other reason women work is to earn money to support their families. The majority of women say they work because it is an economic necessity.

About 80 per cent of women who work support their children without the help of a man. These women are at a financial disadvantage. One in three families in the United States headed by a woman lives in poverty. Many divorced Americans are required by law to help their former spouses support their children, but not all fulfill this responsibility.

A wife’s working may add a strain to the family. When both parents work, they sometimes are time-squeezed and cannot spend it with their children and with each other.

In other ways, however, it is a commonly held view among the Americans that the family has been helped by women working. In a recent survey, for example, the majority of men and women said that they prefer a marriage in which the husband and wife share responsibilities for home jobs, such as child rearing and housework.

Many teenagers feel that working parents are a benefit. On the other hand, when parents have pre-school children, who require more time and care, people’s views are more mixed about whether having a working mother is good for the children.

What happens to children whose parents work? More than half of these children are cared for in daycare centers or by babysitters. The rest are generally cared for by a close relative, such as a grandparent. Some companies are trying to help working parents by offering flexible work hours or establishing crèches in the workplace. This allows one parent to be at home with the children while the other parent is at work. Computers may also help families by allowing parents to work at their home with a home computer.

Marriage and children

Unlike their parents, many single adult Americans today are waiting longer to get married. Some women and men are delaying marriage and family because they want to finish school or start their careers; others want to become more established in their chosen profession. Most of these people eventually will tie the knot. One survey showed that only 15 per cent of all single adults in the United States want to stay single. Some women feel compelled to get married and start a family as they enter their 30s.

One positive result may come from men and women marrying later. People who get married at later ages have fewer marriage breakdowns. Along with the decision to wait to marry, couples are also waiting longer before they have children, sometimes in order to be more firmly established economically. Rearing a child in the United States is costly.

Some couples today are deciding not to have children at all. In 1955, only one per cent of all women expected to have no children. Today more than five per cent say they are intent on remaining childless. The ability of a couple to choose whether they will have children means that more children who are born in the United States are very much wanted and loved.

Generation gap

If children in the United States are wanted and loved, why do they fight with their parents? At least this is one view of families that American television shows present. The other type of family shown on American television is one in which everyone is great friends with everyone else. These families seem to have no problems.

In real life, most families in the United States fall somewhere in the middle. In fact, talk about a “generation gap” has been exaggerated. The so-called generation gap is a gap between the views of the younger generation of teenagers and the views of their parents.

Many parents in the United States want their children to be creative and question what is around them. In a democratic society, American children are taught not to obey blindly what is told to them. When children become teenagers, they question the values of their parents. This is a part of growing up that helps teenagers stabilize their own values. In one national survey, 80 per cent of the parents answering the survey said their children shared their beliefs and values. Another study showed that most teenagers rely on their parents more for guidance and advice than on their friends.

When American parents and teenagers do argue, usually it is about simple things. One survey found that the most common reason parents and teenagers argue is because of the teenager’s attitude towards another family member. Another common reason at the heart of such arguments is that parents want their children to help more around the house. The third most common basis for arguments between parents and teenagers is the quality of the teenager’s schoolwork.

Arguments which involve drug or alcohol use occur in a much smaller group of families. Most parents (92 per cent) said they were happy with the way their children are growing up.

Uprootedness

How do problems arise in American families? One view is that American families do not have enough stability and that people move too much to have community roots. Of course, many American families remain for generations in the same town or even in the same house. At the same time, the United States is a mobile, adaptable country. People are willing to work hard in order to advance in their jobs. Good workers are offered new opportunities in their jobs, sometimes in a different city. Families must make the decision. Do they want to take the new job in a new town? Or do they want to give up the opportunity?

The thousands of American families who do decide to move each year may face a difficult time fitting in with a new life. They leave behind a community that they know. They leave behind schools that they trust and friends and family members whom they love. They leave behind a church or religious group. They leave behind a web of supports that helps keep a family strong.

In a new town, children and parents can become lonely. This loneliness strains a family. For example, the area of the United States where people move the most often, the Southwest, also is the area with the greatest number of divorces.

People in the United States know how hard moving can be, so they try to lessen the strain for these families. Many neighborhoods form groups to make newcomers feel at home. Teachers in schools also have meetings to welcome new students. These teachers might pair a new student, with a “buddy” – another student to help the new student.

Some children and parents mature from meeting new people and living in a new place. These experiences can bring families closer together.

Americans are actually moving less often than they did 20 years ago. In I960, about 20 per cent of the population moved. In 1987, about 20 per cent of the population moved. These people moved shorter distances, too. Almost ninety per cent of the people who moved in 1987 stayed within the same state. In families in which both parents are working, a family may decide not to move because one parent would have to give up his or her good job.

Family violence

Not all families learn to work out their problems. Sometimes family problems can explode into violence. Twenty per cent of all murders in the United States involve people who are either blood- or law-related. Often people learn violence from their mothers or fathers. These people repeat the vicious pattern by abusing their children or beating their wives. There are also cases of wives abusing their husbands. Violence in the family is a serious problem in the United States, as it is in many countries.

People are looking for answers. One solution is to arrest people who abuse members of their family. Traditionally, police in the United States hesitate to interfere with family problems. However, the shame of an otherwise law-abiding man being arrested for hurting his wife has been shown to be effective in stopping him. Many cities and towns in the United States also offer “safe homes” in which an abused person can find shelter. Help is also available for parents who abuse their children.

Strong families

By working together in groups, parents can learn how to break the pattern of hurting their children. In a perfect world, families would have no problems. Parents would know how to rear their children to be responsible adults. Americans and others throughout the world are trying to learn what makes strong, balanced families. Perhaps families can learn how to solve their problems.

Researchers at the University of Nebraska have found some answers. Strong, happy families share some patterns whether they are rich or poor, black or white. Strong, happy families spend time together and are not time-squeezed. After dinner, for example, happy families may take walks together or play games. Strong families also talk about their problems. They may even argue so that problems can be resolved before they get too big. Members of strong families show each other affection and appreciation. Members of strong families are also committed to one another and they tend to be religious. Finally, when problems arise, strong families work together to solve them.

The values that Americans cherish, such as democracy and economic and social freedom, are values that Americans want for their families. Americans work hard to make their families successful. Today, however, families are changing, but they are not disappearing. Americans accept that strong, happy families come in many sizes and shapes.

Answer the following questions on the text.

1. Describe the main family patterns in the United States.

2. What is the prevailing attitude to different types of families in America?

3. What signs prove the great importance of the institution of family in the US? What makes the family central to the emotional comfort of all Americans?

4. Is it believed that difficulties within families highlighted in the mass media are exaggerated?

5. Enumerate the main functions of the family.

6. What positive signs can be observed in America to prove that Americans are returning to the values of marriage and family?

7. Outline the changes the “traditional” American family has undergone as a result of the pressures of modern society?

8. What factors affected family life in the early years of colonial America?

9. How did the process of industrialization and urbanization influence the family scene in America?

10. What period can be considered the most family-oriented one in the American history? Ground your statement.

11. What were the dramatic changes in the mindset of the Americans after the 1950s ? What impact did they have on family patterns?

12. Do high divorce rates mean that the Americans have been losing their faith in happy marriage? Give your reasons.

13. What is the general approach to women working outside the home in the United States?

14. Analyze the two basic reasons why American mothers take paid work. Enumerate the arguments in favourand against mothers seeking careers?

15. What are the childcare options for American working mothers and do they fully meet their needs?

16. What are the commonly cited reasons for delaying marriage and family life in the USA? What positive and negative effects does the phenomenon entail?

17. Define the notion of the “generation gap”. What are the typical reasons for disagreements between parents and children?

18. Mobility, or the so-called “uprootedness” is deemed to be a typical feature of the American nation. What potential problems does the decision to move to another community pose for a family? Does a similar tendency exist in our country?

19. What are some of the ways to diminish the negative effects of moving to another place both for adults and children?

20. Home violence is one of the burning problems of everyday life in the United States, as well as globally. Enumerate the reasons for and the possible solutions to it.

21. How are the cornerstone American values reflected in their family aspirations?

22. What is your vision of a strong, balanced family?

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