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Reading two What’s wrong with marrying for Love

Falling in love is the expected and proper prelude to marriage. This means that you marry for love and that you work at it after marriage. Marriage is the final realization of a romantic attraction.

Getting married is primarily a romantic adventure with little prudent weighing of factors important for a lifelong union. Passionate attachment and anticipated happiness outweigh such considerations as cultural similarities and common social experience. We proudly declare that we no longer marry for convenience to promote a career or to please our families but to establish a desirable union that is voluntary and rests on personal choice.

Romance is beautiful. Wonderful. But is it the primary basis for selection of matrimonial mates on which to build a lifelong union? Many things must be considered. Young people need the counsel of their elders. Much as parental control is criticised in modern society, there are some things that can be said for it. Parents do know something about the nature and needs of their own children. They can judge their mate through the eyes of their greater age and experience. And they also seek the happiness of their children.

Does modern research throw any light on romance as the basis for mate selection? Romance, according to some researchers, is a process of fantasy formation when one idealizes another person ignoring the faults and magnifying the virtues of the loved one. After marriage there is usually a return to reality.

Studies of marital failure and success show quite clearly that marriage based on romantic attraction does not turn out as well as marriage based upon more comradely affection.

Supporting this conclusion are the other studies showing that the longer the period of acquaintance before marriage, the greater are the chances of marital success.

Perhaps most essential is the importance of similarity of social background for marital success.

This means that like should marry like. “Marriage, – writes a well-known family sociologist, - involves living with a person, not merely loving him”. It is this prosaic fact that places romantic love in its proper proportions as a basis for marriage. Romance must be termed the prelude to the more sober and realistic consideration of a mate, but romance alone is not enough.

Cella Hall .Magazine For a Change. 2001. No. 3

Language focus

  1. Explain the meaning of the following phrases used in the text. Translate them into Russian/Belarusian:

  • matrimonial mates;

  • similarity of social background;

  • prudent weighing of factors;

  • to marry for convenience;

  • the counsel of elders;

  • to promote a career.

  1. Discuss how you would express the same idea in your own language.

  • Love is blind.

  • To be over the moon.

  • To see the world through rose-coloured spectacles.

  • To have one’s head in the clouds.

  • To be on cloud nine.

  • To have one’s feet (firmly) on the ground.

  1. Translate into English, using your functional vocabulary.

  1. Романтическая любовь исчезла из их отношений, и она перестала смотреть на своего друга сквозь розовые очки.

  2. Каково ваше семейное положение?

  3. Как ни странно, но браки по расчету иногда оказываются прочнее браков, заключенных по любви.

  4. Счастье – это ожидание счастья.

  5. Подростки редко прислушиваются к совету старших, для них важнее мнение сверстников.

  6. Дэвид был на седьмом небе от счастья, когда Сандра призналась ему в любви.

  7. Вы согласны, что любовь слепа и люди идеализируют своих любимых, преувеличивая их достоинства?

  1. Match the multiword phrasal verbs with the definitions. Use the verbs while discussing the problems.

to fall for someone

to compensate for something

to take to someone/something

to become friends again after an argument

to stand by someone

to provide help or support for someone when they are in trouble

to let someone down

to fall in love with somebody

to look on someone as something

to consider someone as something

to see in someone/something

to find a particular quality in someone/something

to make up/to make it up (with someone)

to disappoint someone, often by breaking a promise or argument

to grow apart (from someone)

to end a relationship or marriage

to make up for something

to begin to like someone/something

to split up

to develop separate interests and become gradually less close to someone

Speech activities

  1. Work with your partner. Discuss what you think the following expressions in italics mean. Make up dialogues/situations using these idioms.

  1. It was a turning point in my life.

  2. He proposed to me completely out of the blue.

  3. Life is full of ups and downs.

  4. I started to have second thoughts about my boy-friend.

  5. I started to see him in a different light.

  6. There has to be give and take in a relationship (between husband and wife).

  1. Answer the following questions:

  1. What is meant in the text by “working at marriage”?

  2. Are cultural similarities and common social experience important for a marriage to be happy?

  3. Do you agree that people in love always idealize their partners?

  1. Give arguments for or against the following statements. Develop the idea.

  • The majority of love marriages end up in failures.

  • Like should marry like.

  • The longer the period of acquaintance before marriage, the greater are the chances of marital success.

  • Marriage involves living with a person, not merely loving him.

  1. The old saying has it: “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half-closed after it”. Does it contain any clue to marital success? Discuss it in groups of 3.

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