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Man to Man

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Magnetic Preference

In thejoy ofyour life, if you really want to enjoyyour living, you must get the spring of life, the nectar oflife, from theprojection of woman.

Man To M a in

Now we are going into the gray matter. That is, the scientific fact of male and female polarity and invocation. Let us see what we can come out with.

Every male relates to his own moon, female. The basic problem that you have is that you relate to woman in the physical form. You never study her mental form or her spiritual form. Woman has three forms, which is why she is atriangle: spiritual, physical and mental. All three forms must support you. If one form of the woman supports you, it is no support at all. A dog can be a better friend; it can support you physically and mentally with all its spirit, but most of the time it doesn't know what to do. Do you understand? But there is no time when a woman doesn't know what to do. That's the difference between the two.

This is what you do: you look at woman and you try to look at woman only physically to see if she is beautiful. You never consider that a physically beautiful woman, if she is 40% physically beautiful should be 60% mentally beautiful and almost 80% spiritually beautiful. Then it is worthwhile to consider the case; otherwise, you are getting into a very dangerous situation. Under no circumstances in your life can you disregard the direction and dealing and polarity with a woman toward her Infinity, which is God, which is dharma, which is spirit; whatever you name it, it is there. Her mind can only be supportive if the flow of spirit gives her security. It is my experience of 10 years [in the West] that you cater to woman on the physical level much more than you cater to woman on the mental level, or on the spiritual level. On the spiritual level lies your security.

If a woman is spiritual, she's securely behind you. On a mental level, if she's intelligent, she will solve your problems; life will be very convenient and beautiful. On the physical level, if she's attractive, she’ll bring other people into the home. Why do you want that? Once a person was in love with a woman and I said, "Well, dummy, why don't you marry her?" He said, "Sir, I cannot pay for the security guard shift." The real beauty of a wife, or a woman, or a beloved, or a partner, or whatever you want to call her, is her mental intelligence. Her real strength is her spiritual growth and her real asset is her physical behavior. Physical behavior is what it is, not physical looks. Sometimes what glitters is not gold. Your aspect toward woman is that way.

In our life, we cater to our children and we cater to the ego of children, we spoil them. Children think they can milk you. That is okay with children, because children one day have to grow up; they have to be on their own. Normally you

don't worry about that. But when your wife knows that she can milk you, you have no happiness in your store. Once your woman knows that she can twist you . .. I saw a very terrible scene once: I was talking to a student of mine and his wife was whispering in his ear. It's the most obnoxious behavior on the planet. He was trying to talk to me and tell me certain things, and she was telling him certain things. It shocked me! The guy was not even aware he was tolerating it. So there are many, many behaviors where you tolerate something that you should not. Because you are cowards, you cannot confront. You think that she is not your wife, that she is your mother. You can't tell her anything. You may not be rude to woman ever, but politely you can tell her to wait. Later on he said to me, "Sir, what did I do wrong?" I said, "What's wrong is that you should have told her, 'I am talking to my teacher, I have certain questions to be answered. I need them answered immediately, would you please talk to me later?'"

In the joy of your life, if you really want to enjoy your living, you must get the spring of life, the nectar of life, from the projection of woman. She must project greatness in you. That's the only way you can become great. By your own criteria, that of a man, you can never become depressed. The problem with us is our neuroses with our mother. First of all, dealing with that point, I want to tell you: never consider woman as a mother. Don't deal that way; don't think that way; don't relate that way. For that purpose you must take a paper and pencil and write down all the incidents which you have had with your mother for which you like her or dislike her or hate her—those incidents which have influenced you. Write it down. Make them numerical points. Then also think, "How does this correlate with my wife?" Avoid those areas for polite discussion; confront those difficulties with absolute firmness.

Q: Discuss those with your wife?

Yogi Bhajan: Deal it out, discuss it so that she will know what you are doing and she will get with you. That is your mental process; you have to make it up. It is useful to recognize the areas of neuroses that you have with your mother or which you can remember, or which you can feel, and correlate them with the areas of conflict that you have with your wife. You can then cancel them out. Find out where the conflict is and then deal with that conflict as politely and as firmly as you can. Yes?

d Is it possible that the wife can also do this in her relationship with a man? .

64

Yogi Bhajan; Yes, you can ask her to do it. If you cannot find in your life, this relationship or neuroses, then help out. But when you help her out don't tell her your pattern with your mother and her. It is much better that the woman doesn't know your weaknesses. Because to begin with, she thinks you are weak, that she can manipulate you. Remember also in life: don't get manipulated by the woman you love the most and never try to manipulate a woman you love the most. Straight, firm talk. Straight, firm talk is the way to deal with those areas where mental and physical intimacy can breed contempt. Do you understand? Yes?

Q: How can you not reveal your weaknesses if you're talking straight and forward?

Yogi Bhajan: That is not necessary. You talk to me five minutes, I won't let you catch my weaknesses at all. My weaknesses are my weaknesses and I havearight to privacy. Why should you know about it? Who are you? And why do you want to know? You want to stab me in my back? Yeah. You can get firmer and firmer. You know, in our lethargy and our loose talk, we tell certain things that we think are going to bring, or win, her confidence; so we tell every idiot thing to her. Then she twists all those things. Anything that can be twisted and used against you should not come out of your mouth. Also, things that you can twist and pin it back, you shouldn't do either.

You must remember that your wife is another human being. She has her own identity, she has her own-feelings, she has her own mental process. You, too, have your own mental process and all you want out of her is the inspiration. There's no other purpose of a woman in the life of a man—sex, children, and all that are nothing. It's all through inspiration that I am growing. "I have a future, I have children, I have a home, blab, blah, blah." It's absolutely necessary for you to know in the depth of your heart what you want from a woman. What you want from a woman is inspiration and companionship. You don't want anything more than that. What is sex? For ten dollars, here in Hollywood, you can go and have your fun. Companionship, you can hire it You can do something, you can get along. But in the wholeness of relationship you need something more. It is called compan­ ionship of trust. You need somebody in your life you can deeply trust. ■

Next to God, you trust your woman. You want to talk to her; you want to tell her everything. Some people cannot even digest their food without telling the whole day to their wife. They may not remember the day. They wouldn't be able to recall the day for themselves. But to tell their wives, they can recall it like it is a movie. They're so accurate. Now, you think it is dangerous. No, if that is your habit and that is your need, go ahead and do it. It's most relaxing to a tired man to share with a woman all he can share. For people like that, life has to be very honest Otherwise, if they live crooked and they don't share that duality, they are eaten up. Your

basic maturity is that you must-provide your woman security and she'll provide you with inspiration. That's the bargain. When in your life you cannot provide her with security, you are playing a very badly losing game.

Q: If a woman fluctuates.,.

Yogi Bhajan: If a woman doesn't fluctuate, she's male, They fluctuate. Let them fluctuate. A stable woman is very boring.

Q: How do you trust her and yet not share your weaknesses?

Yogi Bhajan: You trust her with your strength. Why would you trust her with your weaknesses? Can you trust a person with your strengths? Why use a woman as a garbage pit? You put all this garbage in and then it multiplies and sprouts; it will come to you and eat you up. That's the first thing. I said this earlier, "What kind of a man are you if you cannot stand out and understand the problem?" That's what I said. Share your weakness with your Teacher, and you'll always get an answer. Share your weakness with your woman, and you'll always get multiple criticisms.

What does a psychiatrist give you? Nothing. You go and talk and talk and talk and tell all the weaknesses. He listens and listens and sometimes says, "Yeah, yeah, you should do this, you should not do that, bah, bah, bah." That's all. But professionally, you think you are safeguarding yourself becausewhateveryou tell him, he is not going to tell anybody. But if you want a thing to be propagated, tell your woman. The next day you can hear it in the last house on Preuss Road.1When a woman can keep a secret, she becomes the sacred—and they are very rare. Sit and talk. Let them talk and just give them something that talks; that's your public relations policy.

Tell her only good things; she will talk them all out. You'll be fantastic. Suppose you are very depressed. You come home and you just want to lie down. Don't tell her you're depressed; tell her, "I'm tired and I want to rest. If you can successfully put me into a comfortable sleep, and I can be refreshed and good again, I'll take you out for dinner. Otherwise, please don't bother me." You'll get a good foot massage and a good nice blanket. You may go right to sleep. Then you can go out and really have a good dinner if you feel like it. Otherwise get up, cook for yourself and feed her. It's a very friendly gesture and she'll always admire it. Woman likes the touch of nearness. Don't be absolutely stiff and don't make it a point of authority with a woman.

When you make it a point of authority with a woman, you are asking for one ’standard trouble: that is, she will love to challenge your authority. She will do this in three ways. One is to criticize you behind your back. Second is to denounce

1The road where Yogi Bhajan lived and taught in Los Angeles for many years.

Man To Man

65

you or criticize you publicly, or in the living room. Third is to pack up and leave, or sometimes don't pack up and still getaway.

Don't have a stiff-neck policy ever with a woman, because woman fluctuates and she needs the room to fluctuate. When you put a strict discipline, direct confrontation on her, she has to use her defense mechanisms and while doing so, she can sometimes prove very dangerous. Got it?

Now, asfar asyour personalitytoward the control of awoman is concerned, you can only control through your image. You must build your image as a holy man or a spiritual man or a man of honor, of honesty, of true words and all; all good qualities. Write down on a piece of paper these qualities and just try to put them in your image. You have no reason to worry about it. It all happens. Once I asked a woman who left her husband, "Why did you leave him?" She said, Tm not sure of him." I said, "He's verycommitted." She replied, "He may be committed, but he does three days of sadhana out of the month." This was her entire answer. I said, "But you know, he has been hanging on with 3HO." She said, "Well, he has been hanging on with 3HO, but 3HO is not what I have been looking to. I have been married to him for five years and on the average he does sadhana three times a month—if a man cannot do a sadhana that would save him, he cannot save me if I'm in trouble, and so I have to leave." And, she left. There was nothing we could do for her.

Whenever you show ego to a woman you ask for confrontation, and whenever you make a woman confront you, you're the loser. Shell break your spirit if not your bones. Remember this part which is very serious: if a woman really wants to do harm to you, she'll break your spirit. Shell hit you with a pounding of words that you can't digest. She'll try to hurt you in certain areas. She can spread bad will about you. She can tell certain things. "Oh, my husband is cruel." That tells a lot more than you are willing to hear. In the magnetic polarity between 'male and female, each woman 'has what they call a dark trend and a light trend: 15 days of the moon

Man To M a n

which are light and 15 days of the moon which are dark. The trend goes up; it goes to the male. It comes down and goes to the male also. Her menstruation cycle is 30 days in all and there are two categories of woman: either the first 15 days are very charming or the latter 15 days are very charming. You must know that trend. If her first 15 days are the up trend, then it is beautiful. If her last 15 days are okay, it is beautiful, provided you know. You should know it, and if you cannot know it through your own sensitivity, you'd better communicate and talk to her.

Q: Does woman's discomfort come in cycles like that? Is that like a yearly thing?

Yogi Bhajan: No, no. She goes up and down by the moon; you know the waning and waxing moon? Some women are more energetic on the waning moon. On the waning moon they are very energetic. Some are very energetic on the waxing moon. When woman is very energetic, keep her positive. Any tendency to show or give her a chance for negativity is just asking for a fight right at your door. Who wants it?

Q: If a man is solar, does he wax and wane on that cycle?

Yogi Bhajan: Does the sun do it?

O; No, I'm saying, if man is the solar stability, does he (pause) I've noticed in myself a waxing and waning lunar cycle. Is that from her or is that broadcasted from within myself?

Yogi Bhajan: There's no such thing as a man waning and waxing. No, no, you simply cannot handle your woman because you have a bad sugar level. Your problem I know. Don't blame your sugar level on your wife. She is the only one who could live with you. Anybody else would have totally punched you out. Now, when you behave neurotically, you are a very classic, classified neurotic. I know that.'

Q; Does man have any cycle where for a few days he's off?

Yogi Bhajan: Weekly cycle. It's a very sneaky cycle. You will learn about it. It is called 30/70. This is a male cycle. In one week, you are 30% up; in another week, you are 70% up. It is called the projection of the sun. Sometimes it flames over, sometimes it flames under. But it is always there.

It's called the 30/70 cycle, and it's on a weekly basis. That's why we made the 7-day week. It changes week to week. In one week, there are certain things you want to do. In another week, you want to eat something. In another week, you want to go out. In one week you want to do everything; and the next week, within the same environments, you don't want to do anything. Have you noticed that? On a certain week you promise everything on the telephone.

The next week you say, "nay" to all those things that last week you promised. That is called sun caliber—30/70. In one week with you, there's a 30% chance to get you to admit to things; in another week, it is 70%. Each woman should know that. This part you can tell the woman. Yes?

Q: Does it relate to biorhythms?

Yogi Bhajan: You can almost call it that, with biorhythms though, only our energy and power are projected. But basically the concept of you to you is 30/70. Most of the things that you admit before a woman, you do when you are on a 30% rhythm. She can get everything out of you. When you are on a 70% rhythm, she may try her level best, but forget it. You are the king and there is nobody else. On the 30% rhythm, forget it, you are nobody. Now, we are coming to this.

15

1 5

A rhythmic projection from a female goes toward the male and the male returns it in a horizontal way. The main problem that you have to understand is that in the early years of your life, maybe up to the 35th year, you do not feel insecure as a male. You do not feel insecure, but neither can you provide security. So when you feel secure within yourself, you cannot provide security to others. Later on, you'll need security and because you have not provided it, you can't get it. So project firmness and security in the first 36 years of the male life. Do you understand? Woman definitely needs security to age 28. So do not trust your wife if she's not yet 29. There are two opinions about it: 29 years of her sun age and 29 years of your living age. It has not yet been solved. Yes?

Q: You said don't trust her?

Yogi Bhajan: Yes. She can fight her way out anytime. She can walk out on you anytime. It is not that she is Oriental, or she is American, or she is Western or Canadian, it doesn't matter. It is in their breed. This is because up to age 25, woman thinks she can get anything she wants and up to age 36, man thinks he can do anything he wants. Ego is

absolutely in contrast in both. So up to 28 of her age and up to 36 of his/it's a very crucial period. In sexual habits, you are required to be very calm and firm between these years. Not having any discipline, or not controlling yourself, not living by discipline, or not going by rules, or not establishing some sort of security is a definite danger to the married relationship or friendship, whatever you want to call it.

Now, I will give you one example of security. Suppose there is Sunday Gurdwara and you don't want to go. Drag yourself. You must go because if you cannot provide leadership, you cannot gain respect. Write it down in your heart, head and feet, also. If you cannot provide leadership, you cannot gain respect and this is what bugs the woman most. In certain areas, she looks to you for leadership and you can't provide it. In the children's discipline, sometimes she needs you. In many things in life when she needs you, she looks to you. When she looks to you, and you cannot answer, you have lost her; because what is a male to a woman, he who provides and protects. When she feels you provide and protect, she'll give you every inch of energy she has. But you must remember, you actually live here, in your spirit.

Have you heard this story? There was a king who had an enemy, a great giant. He would come to the kingdom and eat the king's men. There was nothing the king ctiuld do. Finally, the king got a prince and told the prince to go and catch that giant. On the way the prince met a goddess and asked, "What should I do?" She said, "That giant you cannot kill." He said, "Why?" "Because his spirit is in a parrot and the parrot lives on a mountain." So he said, "What should I do?" She said, "Don't go toward the giant, go toward the parrot. Kill the parrot and the giant will be dead." The prince knew it was true. So he went. There were a lot of hassles on the way, which he conquered, and finally he reached the parrot. He took the parrot's neck and he said, "Parrot, you are so beautiful, but I have to twist your neck just a little bit." And the parrot said, "Why? What is wrong with me?” He said, "By doing that, the giant will die." The parrot said, "Hurry up." He twisted the neck, the neck broke, and the giant was dead on the spot.

That is exactly how it is for you. Your ego cannot live without the inflow of the woman's projection, and when your own woman wants to kill your ego, there's nothing you can lean on. You want to have a defense mechanism, because you actually live in the projection of the woman; therefore, you have to be a leader in three fields: spiritual, mental and physical, in that order. Problem with you is that you believe your physical comes first when actually it comes last. All this discussion, "She doesn't love me, I do not love her." It's all ruthlessly wrong. Got it? Everything that refreshes you, makes you look great, makes you feel great, inspires you, gives you beautifully disciplined children, a clean house, beautiful social respect comes from this triangle, the female. Your problem is that you don't recognize it.

Man To Man

Because up to age 36, you feel it comes from you, and after 36 you do not know what to do. Got it?

How many of you feel that at this moment you can change your life? Well, that is a good number. And how many of you think you are really going to do it? Best of luck to you. Remember the polarity of awoman—woman is flexible and is always available in flexibility. A woman is never uptight or stiff. So at any moment in fife, if you can provide her with spiritual leadership, she'll automatically—mentally and physically—be yours. Go ahead and ask me questions.

Question and A n s w e r

Q: What if she's in father phobia?

Yogi Bhajan: Father phobia is in every woman, to a degree. But at that time, you should not have a mother phobia. Father phobia can be utilized for advantageous purposes; but when you have a mother phobia and there's a perversion in your personality, then you cannot utilize it. That is how it goes. Yes?

Q: What if her mother is influencing the situation?

Yogi Bhajan: Huh? Her mother can only influence the situation when you cannot influence the situation. Mother, father, brother, sides, this, that, it is all a hopeless situation. Once you influence her, there is no other influence possible.

Q: To what extent are you responsible for seeing your wife out of her father phobia?

Yogi Bhajan: 100%.

Q: Is that by eliminating your own mother phobias that you have?

Yogi Bhajan: Yeah.

 

Q: What are some examples of mother phobia?

 

Yogi Bhajan: Mother phobia is where the woman hates

 

you; she thinks you are the greatest creep. The first chance

 

she gets, she will tell you that you are a creep. Then if you

 

ask her why she said so, she'll not have any reason. At

 

that time, if you shut up, you are just an idiot. That is the

 

time, the opportunity, to politely discuss how she comes

n

to think so, from which thought it came, why she said

a

that, and so on. Whenever woman starts negating you, at

that moment, she is working under a bewitchment of a

M

secondary thought, which comes from her subconscious.

To

Try to meet that thought half-way and kill it forever. At that

time, if you ignore it, you are asking for trouble.

 

Man

 

Q: What do you do or what does it mean when you come home from work and you are very tired, and your wife likes to tickle you and tease you about it.

Yogi Bhajan: Tell her to give you a foot massage, "harder, harder." Turn over on your belly and tell her, "Give me a back massage." You can use that energy. That's why she is energetic. Why not? Yes?

Q: Sir, you said that during the light period, the responsibility of the man is to make sure that the woman's energy stays positive and that she directs it in a positive way. What if she's on that dark side, and she doesn't have the energy, or the energy seems to be...

Yogi Bhajan: I'll tell you, inspire her spiritually. What you do is inspire her physically. That is the only wrong people do; they inspire woman physically and make a monster out of her. All you have to do to deal with awoman is to inspire her spiritually, because she's very handicapped toward Infinity, very handicapped. Inspire her toward Infinity and you'll have the best friend in the world by your side, totally for you.

Intellectually some people talk and rap with awoman. They are ready for divorce. Some people instigate her physically; they are ready for afight. If you always do it spiritually, you'll win the game. You have to understand that your strength lies in the spirit, which she is—not what she is in the body and in the mind. You can go up to the heights of Infinity by inspiring yourself from her spirit.

Q: Do these principles apply to all women, notjust your wife?

Yogi Bhajan: Yeah, yeah, same thing. You can have intercourse with your wife, that's the only difference.

Q: How do you inspire someone spiritually? Do you talk, gesture? What's the best way to go about that?

Yogi Bhajan: Can you tell him what is the best way to inspire somebody spiritually? Action.

Q: How do you help a woman who has low self­ esteem?

Yogi Bhajan: Raise her spirit. Talk to her spiritually. Spiritually tell her, give her examples, think about it, and if she's just doing it to lay a number on you, don't relate to it.

Q: What about when her husband has low self-esteem,

when both people in the relationship...

Yogi Bhajan: When the woman and man both have low self-esteem, it's a tragedy. Then go to your Teacher, run and let him do something. If he cannot do it, go to God. If nothing, jump in the ocean. It's terrible.

68

Q: When a woman goes through emotional stages, and

she does it in extremes, how can...

Yogi Bhajan: She's asking for help. When a woman has any extreme behavior, she's asking for help. She doesn't mean to break; but sometimes we react so much, out of fear, that it breaks up the marriage. Remember always, in every length and strength, woman doesn't seek a break, because she seeks security by nature.

Q: How do you know what help she's asking for? Will she tell you?

Yogi Bhajan: Oh, yes. Woman can be trapped with politeness always. Politeness is the key of life. Rude talk to a woman is like a bullet to a bull.

Q: Why do you use the term spiritual handicap?

Yogi Bhajan: Because she is here to sprout, she is here to receive, conceive and she is very insecure. The only thing that makes her secure iswhen you tell herthat she is Infinite and that her spirit is what can give her the experience of Infinity. Because of the mother instinct, every woman is basically a mother. Woman is overprotective of children, she is overprotective of herself, and she overprotects her environments. She overprotects her material wealth. This is because to her, all this means security. If you transform it to the security of Infinity, she is always secure.

Q: Is there a way to deal with a woman who is really freaked out?

Yogi Bhajan: Yes. Just don't worry about the freak out. Do your job. When a woman is freaked out, you relate to her; but when she is freaked out, you can't help her.

■ ■ ■

If You Can Fake It, You Can Make It

You cant make it, if you dontfake it. Faking means blueprint. You understand? Faking means you sit down andyou think about it, you understand it, you draw it, and then, you act.

If you fake it, you can make it. The first idealistic position is, pretend you are holy. Pretend you are holy, attend all holy services; and second is, try to eat holy food. In other words, what I am trying to tell you is, look very religious. You may not be religious, don't worry about what you are. You have to look very religious. Never eat food without saying a prayer, loud and clear. Remember, when you come home; I'll tell you, there's a solution I once gave somebody. I said, "When you come home, wash your face, wash your hands and all that, and sit down and pray for a few minutes." So when he came home, he washed his face and aH that, he sat and prayed, and she said, "What did you pray?" He said, "I'm very happy and divine and thank God that I'm back home and i'm with you." She told the entire neighborhood: my husband has met a yogi who has totally changed his life and now he comes home like an angel. In the morning, as he left home he would pray, and she asked, "What prayer is this?" He said, "That when I come back, you should be healthy, happy and holy. I'm leaving you in the rhythms of God." These words don't cost anything and they are better than kisses and flowers and all that. Write it down: "Fake spiritual behavior." What am I saying? I'm telling you, don't look at me, write it down. Write down a pattern. It's called a fake spiritual pattern and just force yourself to live it. After about 3 months, she will totally inspire you to live it. The gap between your fake spiritual inspiration and your living a spiritual life is about 90 days.

Question and Answer

Q; Early in the very first part of the session, you were talking about yog and bhog in the scriptures, and I remember one time way back you asked, 'Are you a yogi or a bhogi?"

Yogi Bhajan: Bhog is what divides you—what divides you. Yog means what unites you. Okay. That's good.

Man

Q: Did you say anything about singles' relationships?

Between single men and single ladies who are thinking

 

 

about...

 

Yogi Bhajan: Oh, that's a beautiful relationship of a brother

To

and sister. That brother and sister is a relationship of

kindness. There's no other, better relationship than that.

Man

Even people who have to marry, they have to be very

friendly and not exploit each other sensually and sexually.

That is required. It is good for your own system, otherwise

you stimulate your metabolism for nothing and end up with a disaster. Okay, what else?

Q: Regarding the fruit diet in the spring time? Should it be don't mix fruits at any one meal, or...?

Yogi Bhajan: No, no, eat one fruit at a time. You can eat four times or three times during the day, but you eat one fruit at one time. Don't have peaches and this and that all mixed up together.

Q: Each meal should be an individual fruit?

Yogi Bhajan: One fruit. Mono-fruit.

Q: That's fasting only, or is that a general rule?

Yogi Bhajan: No, no, when you go on that fruit diet.

Q: If a person suspects he's hypoglycemic, can he still go on this fruit diet?

Yogi Bhajan: Yes. He can just have a little piece of fruit every 2 hours. It won't hurt.

Q: You mentioned earlier about intercourse after arguments and fights. If a wife approaches after a fight should you respond?

Yogi Bhajan: Take her out for a walk. That's the best response. Don't give in, because then it becomes a pattern.

Q: What is happening physically if you perspire heavily at night, even when it's not hot outside?

Yogi Bhajan: Dr. Soram has a Khalsa Clinic. It needs immediate attendance. There's something wrong with the nervous system. Yes?

Q: Is the tomato diet a mono-diet?

Yogi Bhajan: Tomato diet is a tomato diet. Yes?

Q: You spoke about the projection of a woman who is non-spiritual and her lustful thoughts; then you told the story about the prayer and how you went out and were injured afterwards. Is there some way to deal with these...?

Yogi Bhajan: You can immediately find the sensitivity when woman is not pure. Listen, I remember once a friend of mine went away with some woman somewhere. You

know, ran away, When he came back^ he couldn't go home. He couldn't go to his own home. Then he came and;stayed with us in the hostel for two, three, four days. We talked to his home and said he was going to stay; he was not feeling well. Then when he was to go home, we went with him and stayed a couple of days to put him back. It's not a guilty consciousness. Your soul cries sometimes. The only thing in your personality that the Id hates is when you are dishonest with yourself, when you lose your own grace to yourself. You can lose your grace for three things; woman, money, and authority. All three are temporary. Your own soul, your own personality, are far superior. Yes?

Q: With this assignment of writing down incidents that your mother laid on you, is that something to do for homework also?

Yogi Bhajan: Yes, The homework is for you to relate to it. It's very good. Always check your personality on a monthly basis. Always check your traumas on a monthly basis. Is there any trauma in your life? Has anything affected you? Does anything relate to your childhood trauma and your present trauma, your trauma in 3HO, your fears, and all that? Make a chart. Take a mark. You'll be perfect. It's a personal psychoanalysis. Always do it. You'll always be in shape, and always in good shape.

Q: In writing down the list of problems you have with your mother, how can you tap back into the value of those incidents?

Yogi Bhajan: Well, just understand that it is positive or negative. If it's negative, be guarded. If it's positive, it's fine. But when you write your own traumas and you calculate your own answers and finish with it, just burn them. That's the way it goes. Don't leave the record for somebody. It's your own privacy. Yes?

O; Why is it that man has to fake it?

Yogi Bhajan: Oh, you can't make it, if you don't fake it Faking means blueprint. You understand? Faking means you sit down and you think about it, you understand it, you draw it, and then, you act. It's just like a blueprint you make before you build a house. You are; you are not. That's not the problem. Don't waste time in that because the challenge is right there.

Q: In order to solve a woman's father phobias you solve your mother phobias. How does that affect her?

Yogi Bhajan: In mutual relationship, it will limit you. It definitely will limit you. [Editor's Note; By lim it/ Yogi Bhajan is referring to the strain that phobias can create in relationship.]

Q; When you pray over every meal, what do you do in a restaurant?

Yogi Bhajan: In a restaurant, there also you start with a prayer. You are praying before the food. You must pray to smell the food, relate to the food. No food is digestible to your body until you relate to it in odor, form and self. There's even an airline, I don't know which one it is, which gives you a prayer before the meal and after the meal, duly printed.

Q: Does a woman go through the 15-day cycle when she's nursing a baby?

Yogi Bhajan: When woman is nursing, she needs your 101 % support. At that time she's very motherly, she's highly defensive, and she can be irritated for nothing. That is the cost you pay to have a baby.

Q: Your instructions with the banyan milk were to take six drops for six days in the fall and spring. What's the hazard of either taking more or not enough?

Yogi Bhajan: No, no. I don't think that when the people who have experimented say that, they mean don't take it more or take it less.

Q: There is a problem in winter or summer?

Yogi Bhajan: Summer...

Q: Somebody's bound to do it, that's why I want to know.

Yogi Bhajan: No, no, if there's a problem, and it's to the point of disease, then you can do it. But on a regular basis it's only during those seasons.

Q: You said that any man who is sexually weak before a woman is a nuisance to himself Right before that you said something about, "Don't provoke a woman to sensuality." Does that mean that you should just let the woman,.,?

Yogi Bhajan: That only means be firm and polite. You should be very firm but very polite. Never use harsh language with

awoman.

Q:You spoke about how you should always provide for the needs of a woman. But where do you draw the line by providing for her needs and not catering to her demands?

Yogi Bhajan: Well, that is a mutual interest, isn't it? It's

 

called mutual interest. When you can't provide it, you tell

Man

her, "Dear, I can't provide it. It's too much. I can't." Be

 

honest about it. She won't bug you. But if a woman knows

To

you play one game, she'll play ten. Otherwise she's not a

 

woman.

Man

Q: If you explore the areas of neuroses with your mother

in the past, what can you do to eliminate memory

blocks?

71

Man To lOTan

Yogi Bhajan: For that there is sadhana. The majority of your problems are when you are handicapped by sadhana. If you have a good and regular sadhana, your will is aroused enough to take care of you. That's definite. That's a definite experience.

Q: You said something about the 70/30 percent rhythm of the man.

Yogi Bhajan: No, that's the woman's rhythm. Sometimes, as a man in relation to woman, you are positive by 30% and sometimes you are positive by 70%. That's your rhythm in relationship. But when you are on 30% rhythm and she approaches you, she gets you. And at 70%, there's no question, it won't happen. So all you need is an extra guard.

Blessedhe my soul which goes through the living experience ofGod within me and without me. May this day ofmine, through the creatures' grace, as a congregation, and as the Creator’s activity, he always healthy, happy and holy. Bless me, my soul, to live injoy andpeace. Sat Nam.

Q: I remember you saying that you shouldn't expose your weakness to your woman and then, about your mother phobia, if you take care of yourself...

Yogi Bhajan: Well, you can take your weakness to your Teacher, or take your weakness to your advisor, or take your weakness to a friend, or you can take your weakness to a professional. Why do you have to take your weakness to your wife?

Q: If you can take care of those mother phobias in

yourself, it's best not to...

Yogi Bhajan: There's no need. When you can take care of anything yourself, it is okay. Yes?

Q; You said you can lose your grace in one of three areas: money, women or authority. How do you lose it in your authority?

Yogi Bhajan: In authority, when you bring it to uptightness and do not consider the other man's point of view, and you are not supported by a conventional law, then you can be challenged. There's no need for that.

Q: With your mother phobias, is there any point in discussing it with your mother?

Yogi Bhajan: Oh, shewill tell you that you are brainwashed, blah, blah, blah. She'll add more.

Thank you very much for listening. But what I want is for you to grind these notes, think about them, use them, and then sometime, when you get a chance, write to me about how you feel and tell me what they have done for you.

72

Man to Man 4

Growing as a Man

Circa 1979

After a manpresents himself he must communicate.. . Whenyou communicate, the onlyfriendyou have is the art ofcreative dialogue. That is what establishesyou as a man.

M The Multiple Man

The Growing Man

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