Man to Man

Man To Man

God. I do not know why, but in her chemistry, this is what she wants to look to. You know what she wants? They say, "She wants the devil in the bed and she wants a sage in the living room." Got it?

Question and Answer

d What do you do with a woman who doesn't know her natural parents?

Yogi Bhajan: When a woman doesn't know her natural parents, she doesn't know who they are and what their circumstances were, you can be successful if you tell her about Mother Nature and God the Father. These two images were used in the circumstances of children orphaned in war. During the war a lot of parents died and children were left behind. Mother Nature and God the Father became a substitute. This can become hard for a man because sometimes he has to really act out the mother and the father, both at the same time, to his own wife. It is not avery difficult case; but it is a harsh case because she will be extraordinarily insecure. That's what the difficulty is.

Q: Again, what about a woman who finds more security in her parents' house than in her own?

Yogi Bhajan: A woman who finds security in the parents' house, or in the parents' riches, or if she leans toward the parents is what we call a spoiled brat and she must be confronted once and for all, just to straighten it out. Go right to the in-laws' house and make such a mess that they may know what kind of a son-in-lawthey have. It is a good drama; but it should be done fast, without her even understanding what you are doing. If you put a woman on the alert that there are certain things she is doing that you know she is doing and you don't like it, she will not do it because she is a very sensitive animal. From wherever in the world she comes, sense prevails. A woman only does that which she can, get by with; that's her basic nature because she's not conniving, she’s conceiving. She has that metabolism; she has that mechanism; so you have to be very direct with her.

Q: What is the most effective way to establish a relationship when each ofthe marriage partners involved have a particular phobia against their parents or one of their parents?

Yogi Bhajan: At that time you have to make a "suicide pact.'' You both have to sit down and decide once and for all, "All right, that is our past; that is over with; we have a definite future and we have apresent now—together." That's called a suicide pact. You do it once and for all and just go through it.

Whenever a woman brings up the past, just tell her, "What is it, past? Then why are you wasting time for the future?" Remind her of the future. The moment she becomes

secure she will forget it. At least it will take the sting out of it.

Q: Can a woman be convinced to place total trust in both God and Guru in terms of financial aspects?

Yogi Bhajan: They can do it more easily than the man. Only when they want to bug the man, then they bug him. First, they start financially. A woman will start proving the impotency of the man through the financial resources, remember that. She's not trying to reach your money matters. She doesn't care about that because she's money herself. The moment she brings money up front and starts talking to you, she's trying to test your manhood and that's how she does it. A lot of ladies make men use MasterCard and buy things that they cannot afford. She will take you out of your budget. She will make you look like an idiot later on, when you can't pay. They love this fun—making men donkeys.

Q: Before you talked about a woman who has a father

phobia and who wants to be righteous but can't...

Yogi Bhajan: It is a simple problem to solve. When you have a phobia, it doesn't go away in one day. In the case of a subconscious nature, then you need to do Tantric Yoga. It is the best way to change subconscious fear and burn out the karma. You both need to go through it. It is just like putting toast through the fire. It will bring you out better than yesterday. But you must understand that if that technique is not available [White Tantric], then an alternative technique is to constantly be on guard, aware that it is a phobia. Then the solution is that whenever you catch her in the problem [the phobia], you remind her so she can turn around. Mostly men get into trouble when they allow a woman to take space. When she gets the time and space, she's on your back.

Remember one thing: woman is always available for talk. You can talk and talk and talk with this creature for hours and hours and she will like it. I've yet to see one woman who doesn't like talking.

Q: If someone has an emotional problem and wants to get out of it how can he do it?

Yogi Bhajan: Well, basically I tell you the Sa-Ta-Na-Ma meditation1is the best for that. It is a very proven fact. It takes a long time. You can't do it like Tantric Yoga, but it's an answer.

Q: You said if you have a father phobia you are very

hard or soft in dealing with your wife...

Yogi Bhajan: If your father has been very hard and rash with you, then you want to compensate for that and you give a lot of leeway to your woman. Or, if you feel he was

1Also known as Kirtari Krtya. See Appendix A.

harsh with your mother, you give in a long way with your wife. You feel he was very harsh and your mother suffered a lot; and therefore, you do not trust the circumstances and you become very rash. Sometimes, out of that fear—that it may happen to you with your wife—in trying to prevent the situation, you end up doing the same to yourself. You act out of sheer insecurity of the past.

Q: You know that image of woman as the Goddess Kali? What is that aspect of a woman?

Yogi Bhajan: When woman comes into a rage, then she doesn't know any reason or logic. That's the image. She will chop your head off. People think woman is the better half. That she is wonderful,

very kind, family is great. I understand all those situations. But I will tell you one thing about a woman: when woman is not a woman, when she has the body of a woman but not the mind of a woman, you are in really great trouble.

The only aspect in woman

arid circumstances, you have to confront that and you have to be very strict by the law of dharma. You must understand

one thing: karma cannot be wiped out; the sequence must lead to consequences. The only, the only, the only way is through sadhana. I can tell you that without sadhana, you are as useless for positive change as a junk car is. You can talk for hours and hours and I can teach for years and years; but without sadhana, you have no chance. Sadhana is a self-victory. Sadhana means self-victory; and one who cannot have self-victory cannot have this Earth at all. I can bluntly tell you. There's no need lying to you.

Q: Isit importantto have some particularbalance in who serves which partner most, for example, is the woman supposed to serve man, give him foot massages...?

Yogi Bhajan: I don't think that is true. I think it is totally mutual. I feel when a man asks a woman for service, to be very frank with you, I don't think he's a man. I believe if a man is a man he attracts a woman for service. I may be totally wrong. There are certain areas in my life where I have no experience. I have no experience of asking somebody to serve me. I don’t have that experience. If a woman is within 20 miles of my radius and she won’t help me or do something for me? I don't have that experience. I don't know why you people get into that trouble. Basically,

I am a Shakti worshipper. Adi Shakti may be a symbol to you, for me it is my worship and Bhagwati21worship. I am a Bhagwati worshipper. So I have never seen a woman in my life who has not come to my aid in one way or the other. But you must understand, I am a decent man; I am a noble man in the company of the woman. I have never lost my divinity, dignity, and nobility—these three things—toward any woman. In my most adverse circumstances, in my worst accusations, I have been noble. I have been divine and I have been dignified, because I am born of a woman.

What if a woman is my alphabet? I must learn decency. You can only learn decency when you are decent. The test of decency is whether you are a decent person or not. Your test lies in whether you are decent with a woman. And I have been put personally, in my experience, under certain environments, where a woman has gone out of her orbit, but she couldn't provoke me to be indecent. No. There's nothing in any woman that can make me indecent; I won't. I think that is

the beginning of manhood.

Q: Age difference between male and female?

Yogi Bhajan: Yes, age is a very beautiful question, thank you. Age difference between a man and a woman: in alt

normal circumstances, the woman should be 5 years to a maximum of 10 years younger.

Q: How do you explain out-of-body experiences that occur during deep relaxation after intercourse?

Yogi Bhajan: It is very normal that if the woman is a giver, then relaxation is a must. In this case you synchronize your skin; your body becomes bigger and your skin becomes smaller. You want to shrink after ejaculation and you fall asleep and there you go. I have seen people, nothing could wake them. I had a married couple living with me once that I could tell when they had had intercourse the night before. Their way of getting up, their way of talking, their eyes were so bright; they looked like they were heavenly angels. That's what intercourse means. Physical intercourse is a blend of the auras, which purifies each other. It's not what you do. I know what you do. I can't even understand how you do all that, but anyway, you do it the way you want to do it.

2 Bhagwati is one name for the Goddess, the Divine Feminine, the Primal Creative Energy.

Man Man'To

Man To IVIan

Q: When a woman signals to her husband that she

wants to have sexual intercourse....

Yogi Bhajan: You must either send a counter signal that your ship is sinking or otherwise poof, load it with fruit and fragrance and go.

Q: What do you mean, 'send a signal that your ship is sinking'?

Yogi Bhajan: Well, if you don't want intercourse, tell her right away through the signal. When she's giving you a signal, you should learn the signal too. That is called unknown language of the known. She will say, "Ahem, what's happening this evening? Are you going to write the article or what?" Or she will say, "Are you going to use the typewriter or some other kind of typewriter?" Do you understand what I mean? Every word has three meanings: one is for you, one is for the one who listens and one for who's saying it. There is a saying—they call it "woman's language"—when woman speaks the woman's language she is the most beautiful creature.

Q: We'vebeen talkingprimarilyaboutwomen andwives. What can we do forpeople who we meet in society who have the experience of coming from a broken home?

Yogi Bhajan: Social experience should be totally noble. There's no virtue better than nobility. When you meet with , anybody who is not known to you, absolutely remember that your nobility is your virtue; don't let it go.

Q: Is there something we can give to people who come to us?

Yogi Bhajan: No, no, that is our sadhana; our sadhana is well contained. We have given thousands of meditations; it depends on what the teacher thinks is right. As far as knowledge is concerned, we are not giving any secret knowledge. We are as open as the sunlight is. Where there's a mystery, there's no mastery; where there's mastery, there's no mystery. Some meditation teachers teach tn secret because they can't run their businesses otherwise. If they just gave one meditation, everybody could pick it up. Where would they collect the money? So they make all that ritual. It's a money collecting ritual. It has nothing to do with the meditation. Sa-Ta-Na-Ma meditation is very open. In the case of divorce it will work. .

Q: When I was young my father was very harsh on my brother and sister and me, and he punished us. He was basically all right, but he was very harsh with us. Now all three of us have basically made our peace with him, but he's very, very hard on our motherland they fight constantly about very stupid things. What is our relationship to that situation?

Yogi Bhajan: I think if he takes cucumber juice himself, he will change. Can you believe that? That's all your father- needs—24 ounces of cucumber juice.

Q: How can I suggest it?

Yogi Bhajan: Well, all three of you can put a bottle around his neck one day and get it in there.

Q: I asked you earlier about a woman who is afraid of you [her husband or partner] sometimes, but she doesn't know why.

Yogi Bhajan: On the earth level it doesn't mean a thing, but on the ether level, it's very essential. Woman is very important to the male and that one woman is the one.

Q: How long does the interlock in the aura stay from the one night of intercourse?

Yogi Bhajan: The instinct of the sexual intercourse starts about 48 hours before you actually do it. It takes about a week. That's why there are 7 days in a week. It is an ingrained thing. If you love a woman, you may be away from her for 10 days and then you will start missing her like hell.

Q: When the auras merge and the two bodies separate...?

Yogi Bhajan: There's no time and space. For the purposes of that pair, the earth stops rotating. I have seen people that met once and at the time of death, the dead partner totally manifested so much into this reality that even the audience could see it. For example, we were taking a dead body of a very saintly man and his wife's image appeared. It's unbelievable. It was like a rainbow situation, but very factual. When tattvas become the truth, truth becomes the tattva. Therefore, it all becomes the Truth. Now read those scriptures for God's sake; they're all with you. Don't make me read it.

Q: How often should a husband and wife be apart?

Yogi Bhajan: Fall apart, live apart, or what?

Q: Live apart from each other during their lifetime?

Yogi Bhajan: I think two months ayear. A woman should be a woman and go to Ladies' Camp. I tell you, you American men, don't misunderstand: The only way to safeguard yourself is to give your woman a chance to become a woman, and then you will remain happier. Otherwise you end up with troubles you can't even believe. This two month break is called "marriage insurance."

Q: Sir, you said two months. Should there be another month in the winter or something?

Yogi Bhajan: No. What I'm talking about is that there should be some area, some place and space, where she can become a woman. That's what we are trying to reach. In 3HO we don't have much trouble. We have Ladies' Camp and we have Summer Solstice. On a six month to a six month basis, you must understand one fundamental thing:

Man To Man

Man's Projection and Creativity

-I

We are talking about the inside man—the real man. And this is the potency: however potent a man is, that much he can project. Now, it is not that we know very much today. I am taking you back twenty thousand years from today. I am going to explain to you how much man, twenty thousand years ago, knew about what man is. Today we know what a machine is. We have become totally computerized in our life. But in the past, there was nothing more beautiful before a man than a man himself. Man recognized that with all the time and all the power that he had, he had to understand himself. At this time there was a very beautiful competition among men to excel.

The beauty of you is not in your hairdo, your turban, or your talk. These things are all temporary. Temporarily you can convince somebody, temporarily you can love somebody, temporarily you can turn on and temporarily you can turn off. But are you willing to believe that you are permanent? There are men, we have known them by experience, who are permanent. For example, Lord Rama, Krishna, Mohammed, Gautama Buddha, Guru Nanak, Moses, Lord Christ, Hazarat Abraham. They had a man's body. Did they live the life of an ordinary man? They walked and talked like an ordinary man. They made statements, created controversies. Some got crucified. Men like Guru Nanak, men like Guru Gobind Singh. It's unbelievable about Guru Gobind Singh. Singlehandedly he fought, within the fire of the battlefield, just with the spirit of God; because the spirit of man is the undying, infinite, potential potency. Man cannot die.

It is not that spiritual people have not had conflict. Spiritual people always have conflict, because a spiritual person from their very birth is nothing but a conflict. The one sign of a potent person is that he is a conflict. He is in conflict with ignorance. That is the first sign of your potency and your potential. What you call potential has become a sales shop item, with everybody selling it these days. There's a slot machine everywhere. You put in a coin and you get potency out. This is a funny thing. This is why I say that people have not understood man at all. In the 9 or 10 years that I have been here, I have been going very slowly, explaining it. I'm just telling you that it is not how many people you have, that doesn't matter. But what is

their potential understanding of themselves? That matters. That is the criteria.

There are about 10 or 11 million people who live in this city. Among you there is not a person who knows what his proportion is in frequency to the relevancy of his polarity, in existence with his cosmos, which is the outside world, as an individual; and proportionally how much he controls. You may not understand this. But if there is any situation with a woman, you are in her. The only area you do not know how to deal with is 'wo'. You need to understand how to deal with these two letters, 'wo'.

Once a gentleman told me, "I'm going to go home and she is going to blast me."

I said, "Who's she?"

He said, "Well, my wife." I said, "What did you do?"

He said, "Well, whatever I did, if I start explaining it to you, first you will blast me, and then she will blast me."

I said, "Rehearsal is a good thing. Why don't you tell me? I'll blast you and see what you can do."

So, he told me his neurotic story, which I couldn't believe that a man of his caliber and intelligence was in a position to do that. I said, "Wow, wonderful, you could do that? Really, you did all that you told me?"

He said,■"Yeah."

I said, "Well, 9 years you have been a technical person. Six years you have been a successful person. That is 15 years. Plus, you have studied to be a graduate for 14 years. That is 29 years in all of conscious education, systematic system realization, and you did this dumb thing? And so dumb that she can catch you on your own words and your own statement and your own actions?"

He said, "Well, Yogiji, you know one thing. I did it. And, I did it and I really did it. I don't know."

And I saw sitting before me a two-year-old child who was saying, "Well, I spilled the milk. What can I do? I did it. The Persian carpet is spoiled, now take care of it." Instead of thinking it will cost five hundred bucks to clean the carpet, I was supposed to think about his million dollar innocence. I said, "Okay boy, you learned the whole thing."

He said, "How? How did I learn? You haven't told me anything. I only talked to you."

I said, "The very words'you said, 'Yogiji, 1did itV that will cater to the 'wow' of her. And I don't think she is going to say a word to you,"

He said, "Are you sure?"

1said," I am not that sure, I am exact. You try the formula— "thirteen" they call .it. Devil's number. Formula thirteen is

known as the Devil's number. When you face the devil, never face the devil straightforward. Just confront the devil with the devilish attitude of total surrender. Devil cannot do anything." That's .what spirit is. I am the spirit, you are the devil. The devil can't do anything. That's called formula thirteen in the spiritual world.

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So this gentleman went home and he said, "I have some news for you before you utter a word." And she said, "What?” He said, "You are going to go through the greatest test of your life because your husband has totally blown it. Not only have I blown it, but I am going to be proven insane; my job is going to go away; my reputation is already gone; and I feel miserable. I can't even stand." And he fell on the sofa with such a thud that he broke it. Then he pretended he had whiplash because his neck hurt and there he was, lying in a perfect position.

She said, "My dear, a lot of men do a lot more weird things than you. What is wrong with you?"

He said, "I do not know. My heart cannot even beat! It's choking, my breath is all right, but my heart is choking."

And that 'wow' turned out to be a very warm and compassionate mother and that night they had their honeymoon, which they were waiting for all the years of their marriage. When he went through this whole ordeal and he was all right he said," I feel sometimes that I should repeat it again, just to get that experience." He said, "I couldn't even believe it. What worked? I was not only wrong, I was totally wrong. I was absolutely wrong. And it was such a wrong thing to say and do, and—how did it get managed?"

'Wow' can manage everything. 'Wow' is the sound of Infinity. And that is why we put 'wow' with the word man (woman) and relate it to the female, the creative power, the creativity. It is potentially very essential in us that we should relate to every situation—business, friendship, social affairs, political affairs, personal affairs, with our subordinates, with our bosses—in the framework of one understanding only and that is that relationship is arelative term in which there are always two situations. One is 'wow' and the other is man. Man alone cannot survive. You can take it as granted. If you ever want to survive as a man, now, there's no chance. You have to deeply understand what that'wow'means.

There are three cycles of life: 7 yearsr 11years and 18 years of life. Seven years represents the cycle of consciousness; 11 years, the cycle of intelligence; and 18 years, the cycle of life. When I say that, you listen; but you do not go into the 'wow' of it, the Infinity of it. Every 18 years of the life cycle contains your intelligence and your consciousness, Consciousness will be two point something, intelligence will be one point something, and life will be one. If you have a calculator, you can figure out exactly the data in proportion. Your consciousness and your intelligence is in proportion to your life, which you forget. When you are out of that proportion, you are out of everything in life, Period. It is wrong as a plus; it is wrong as a minus. If you are over-intelligent in proportion [to the life], you will be misunderstood. If you are under-intelligent, you will be dumb. So don't misunderstand; don't think that this proportion has no part to play. The real part, the potent

part, the destiny that you are talking about can only be achieved by keeping that proportion, which is 7, 11, and 18; one, one point something, and two point something,

Now, the continuity of life depends upon your flow and that flow is the spiritual flow—the spirit. Spiritual flow simply means when you don't give an inch, which can only happen if you have the experience of knowing that the unknown is known to you. "I know the unknown is known to me." Can you repeat this? "I know the unknown is known to me." Your unknown and my unknown and our unknown—that is called the'wow'state. In this state of consciousness. this 'wow' state, you must know that your unknown, and his and her unknown, and their unknown is totally known to you. Start that way. Why? Because you are a product of harmony; because the one creative power of God is totally harmonious. There is nothing in disharmony on this planet; there is no conflict. Anything that has been created by God is neither triangular nor square, It is round. That is the symbol of harmony, the symbol of Infinity, because acircle has no corners. Corner means the end of the world and the end of hope. There's no such thing as the end of hope in man. Somebody said, "No, there is a word." I asked, "What word?" He said, "Hopeless." I said, "Write it." So he wrote: "H-0-P-E-L-E-S-S." I said, "Less the less, what is left?" He said, "Hope." If you cannot less the less, what kind of a man are you? Just a little less—a little. Just have a little sight and it will go away. Don't fight, because it is hard, it is troublesome, it is bad. When you feel something is coming toward you, just give it an angle—-just shift. This

is called movement,

The state of consciousness of the individual, which is called man, is to relate creatively to woman. Without woman you are not complete. If you think that you don't want a woman, then you are hating a woman, and then you will do everything you can to hate a woman fend to prove to yourself that you hate her. Hate, or proven hate, or a developed understanding of why you hate her—it doesn't matter. In the end, you are hating a woman.

In abstract, in reality, in thought form, in experience, from the past, to be in the future, and now, the woman is with you anyway. You love a woman, you draw pictures of her, you imagine her, you think about her. The ideal woman, which you never got, which you are trying to get, which you are pursuing, which you intend to pursue, which you think you can pursue, even then, woman is with you. As surely as Eve came out of the rib of Adam, you all came out of the womb of a woman. There's this one, simple, biblical, knowledgeable effect, that God came himself, pulled the rib out and turned it into woman so that you can have one rib short and there may be a pain there, right in your rib. That's what woman is. When you don’t understand her, she takes that rib and rubs you so hard; I have seen a lot of

people going round and round and round {like that],

Zer—Wealth

Wealth, we need it, it is a friend. Wealth in the bank can do a lot of things, right? The very idea that we think wealth can do a lot of things makes us forget to do those things we have to do. We think we can buy love, things, environments, circumstances. The power of wealth makes us forget how to relate to 'wow", and we think our wealth can do the job for us. That is a disastrous thought. It has killed more people, more marriages, more happiness, more relation­ ships than anything else you can think of. All kings, all men of wealth, all rich men have terrible family lives. Why? First of all, they waste all of their energy trying to grab the wealth. If you think grabbing wealth is very essential for you, remember that the woman you are married to is also a wealth. Grab that, too. What's wrong with that? Most men ignore that part and grab only the wealth: "Honey, I have a diamond set for you; I have a ruby set for you." She says, "Go to hell you son of a so-and-so. I am happy with the gardener. Why did you come home?" From her garden the gardener plucked her flowers, for which this son of a so-and-so is paying, and he comes and he gives them to her, and she loves it, and closes her eyes and takes them. Her husband comes home and she says, "Why didn't you have a car accident?" You think that by diamonds and by all that you can acquire a woman, but you can't.

It is a most foolish thing to deal with a woman in measurements of money. That is another wrong conduct. "If you go with me, I will buy you this, this, this. If you do this, I'll do this, this, this." You understand what I'm trying to say to you? With this attitude you trigger hatred in her, because woman is the master of maya and when you measure her with maya, you trigger in her the hatred. It has been seen in 40% to 60% of cases, hatred in a woman has been totally triggered, assimilated and created by men's own behavior. It is very seldom that you can talk about money with a woman without asking her mind to go into a million different directions. Your mind is going toward her, just talking to her, just thinking of her, trying to pursue her into the trap of maya. And at that moment she's thinking about what traps she can lay with that money. You are knitting the trap and meanwhile she is trying to think of how many other things she's going to catch in that trap. Aren't you a fool?

We studied successful marriages and we found that the successful marriages are those where the man gave an exact amoimt of money to the woman and told her to

manage it. She gets so involved in the whole management business; and she Ipoks to him as this great god who has to rescue her if her management falls apart. The relationship continues for years and years and years. That's why they say, "Make woman the queen and the empress of the home; man is a hunter in the outer world."

If the woman wants to make a home with one needle, she can make a palace that man cannot destroy with a cannon. These are certain qualities, certain calibers, certain constitutional differences, which have to be understood when dealing with a woman. If you do not know how to deal with a woman, you don't wheel with a woman. Normally, you do not know how to deal with a woman, but you wheel with a woman and under that wheel you get ground. The majority of the time, we go through our misery. On average, man remains married for 50 years. Scale it. It comes to one and a half scoldings per week. Scale it. Make an understanding: marriage is a continuous combination of putting yourself into a carriage with another person. Marriage is a carriage of happiness unto Infinity. You decide this and you must pull it through. What tactic will you use? What will work? What is the key of it? "Wow."

You know, one guy had avery fat woman. I have seen it with my two eyes. Her shoulders were so lumpy that there was a hump on her like a camel. She was beautiful when he fell in love with her. After they married, something happened. So one day he waited for me for about three hours.

He said, "I'm your friend. Either give me something which will work, or never see me again."

I said, "What are you going to do? Suicide? Everybody threatens. You are a fool. Don't be afraid. If you are afraid, you can't do a thing."

He said, "Well, afraid I'm not. Question is, there is a scripture saying, 'When you are in trouble, don't go to a friend, don't go to a man, go to a teacher, because you will get egoless, Infinite wisdom.'"

And I said, "That means I'm your teacher?"

He said, "Sure. You guys never knew about it?" I said, "We are buddies, we are friends."

He said, "Forget it. I am just in trouble and I have got a baby elephant. Last night I was trying to make love with her and the bed broke and I am in absolute shame. Now I cannot weigh her in pounds, I have to weigh her in tons. You can't believe it. And this is not going to work out."

I said, "Are you sure that you want to do something really good?"

Man To Man