Lynn Watkins Eyewitness account of politics in early days of World Service Conference and the Transition from the original wso

Hi,

I was there also listening to many crazy things concerning the WSO. Jimmy was really up into having a basic text published for sure. The literature committee had no thoughts of trying to run NA back then and Jimmy was just doing his best he could. So much happened so inadvertently and in a manner of him just to me it seems he was just replaced instead of actually rousted out. And with that he just went home from all appearances - from what he told me. He was fearful that people would take over outside of framework of what he was doing (to perpetuate NA) under auspices of becoming a great entity set on making money behind the book, and he was afraid how this would go about . . . I remember talking to him and he did not appear to have animosity toward Bob, but unfortunately he did have some toward Bo, fearing Bo may have had something to do with him being removed from office. I know and knew Bo then and there was no such behind the scenes on Bo's part to any such thing for sure. In talking to Jimmy, I tried to allay his fears that anyone in Atlanta was out to get him and I tried desperately to get him to come to Atlanta and just talk. I do remember a spectre of someone calling him and supposedly threatening him if he did not leave, and my understanding is that this was a person on their on and had nothing to do with a group or group conscience for sure. It was very trying time for Bob too for sure as he tried to collaborate and get printing out for the book.

The excitement was unbelievable though with the blue and red books that was just to raise money you know just to get the initial set of books published. Even Bo feared for his life because of very deep underlying animosity of people resenting him for pushing and getting the book going in spite of the office.

In talking to Bob on several occasions with his small staff at the time, especially after the big theft fiasco and put book publishing behind he really was so sorry things were not going as they should it seemed. There were strong factions in Atlanta on three sides, the AA/NA people saying we did not need book and Bo and his people were not qualified and should be written by professions etc. besides they had their aa big book, and so there were some very animosity undercurrents between these people at times.

Me, like the dumb ass I was, was trying to allay everyone on all sides and really did not know lot of the behind the scenes scheming on all sides, as the time when I went to WSC in Santa Monica to visit as a spectator only, but also in my hands were many documents to undercut Bo and take any credibility from him and make him look bad so as to keep him from becoming Chairman, and this I gave to each RSR to add gasoline to the flame and without Bo being there to defend himself, even as I had talked to him on nice terms and agreeable to him but wearing double face of trying to please everyone. I did this thing not knowing the consequences of my actions and there were newcomers there too that took this information and ran with it so to speak to strengthen their position in the WSO with there handpicked ones behind the scenes, as like I was at someone house once in Beverly Hills hearing in next room three people one relative new comer soon to be running office hard time for use to even get Bob Stone more business like to run business as such and would soon be taking over himself with much push from friend old timer at that time anyway to do this. So I went to conference confused and feeling too many closed doors and secrets going behind the scenes as to what would actually happen at the conference. I talked to Jimmy about this and tried my very level best to assure him that I knew Bo and Bo would never ever do anything to harm him for sure and Gregg had nothing but good things to say about Jimmy, and seemed even that he wished he had stayed sometimes to keep controversy down.

At that time though after some of us did foolish things to sabotage the book and the WSO at the same time, things went along anyway. For changes, and even hearing of behind scenes of changing the basic structure of NA which I did not understand at the time, but certainly do today, which I wish I had listened to. By this time I was no longer a fence rider and felt pretty true to NA and it purposes, but wish it had not taken so long though, cause even though I was asked to input to the book and worked on it sometimes myself also at the Highland Club and the Rising Sun Club House and meeting others writing so very hard and inputting I still had my stupid little issues of keeping people going different paths to stay together, and all it did was hurt sometimes in NA's eventual growth. After undermining Bo by that stupid letter from some people that wished to humiliate and disgrace him, I had a very hard road to climb especially after I gave up on fence riders and skeptics of other fellowships trying to dictate and used their popularity to perpetuate their own agendas in all their fellowships. It was at this time I dedicate myself to NA in spite of my foolishness of trying to be with people not truly dedicated to one purpose of NA only . . . This was a very lonely place and isolation was part of the consequences of my actions on all sides at times it seemed, until we had first world convention of NA in Atlanta, and even in its mess still being run by others, our next home regional had a much different perspective when we really finally got off the ground and used money to open up a little office, and I remember at that time Jimmy K was so excited about it and the influence the book was having in the community and much reorganization going, but at that time could not have but reservations of what Jimmy K. warned me about and motives being questioned as I soon found out. The true hard NA's supported me in getting office going and there was a permissiveness there thru region committees to let me do my thing, and found out die hard nA members really behind it. Remember going to California again and getting first set of 100 books direct from conference and going to Panama City Fun in the Sun (oldest convention east of Mississippi you know} and selling them right off. Will never forget it, and even guy who wrote a story in it had to stand in line to get one and he got mad at me cause I would not reserve him some for his friends and all (I think he still resents me for that though). .But was able to pay office back from sell off books though and gave credibility for us anyway and Bob Stone was very permissive in letting me have more books on credit...

I did many things to try to redo and make amends to the fellowship and particularly Bo for my underhandedness at WSC while I was being controlled by others. I hope he forgives me today for my stupidity and not listening very well to those closed cliche rumors and get togethers in California. Even Jimmy informed me he was excluded much and it did hurt him very bad, and much of this resentment was take to his grave with him, but he had a resignation about him that he did the best he could and did not hate anyone He would always tell me not to let the small things get me down and keep doing what I was doing and ignore controversy or it would also run me off from NA, and I did not have to leave or run anymore. Those were bout last words of sharing he gave me before he got sick and I moved to Texas, where NA really was barren and addiction was truly not understood with mixed up programs, treatment centers, confusing issues, and hats passed around with no traditions!!! So what I had learned was really awesome taking into unknown territory ignorant of ongoing history of NA as a whole and even trying to get meetings going there was awesome, so am still very grateful for what Bo basically taught me about singleness of purpose, broad of vision and Jimmy K. insisting I did not have to run any more but could make a difference in my life and others.

Even years later I regret much of the things I could have done more constructively, even going through first heart attach, surgery, recovery and isolating I could have done more, and especially regret hurting Bo inadvertently. Kermit talks about telling truth and I am not very politically correct for proper sharing so to speak with many powers that be I suppose. But still feel very hurt from that original cliche that found one anther that used book for own purposes to just perpetuate big business so to speak and how so many feel today they have no say so or affect at times, cause all has been done already.

This is farthest from the truth, much still needs to be done in all phases. I just wish I had strength resources etc, but I do not any longer for sure and so have nothing any longer to loose like I once did telling the truth....

I just wish Anonymi would get strong again so that I did not feel so isolated any longer and people look at me like I was crazy like when I tell them I even got a TV show once going called NA!!!! instigated much back then we did, and am afraid too much apathy is around corner now and need to help build some fires again. I could at least try to write something a bout sponsorship I suppose, but my spirit is still low sometimes and says what difference will it make anyway? Stinking thinking for sure. I am hoping a praying God will help me get out of my funk and do some hiking and not feel like such a useless has been...

PS: I remember that crazy Kermit coming to Atlanta to his first convention. I believe and their total fascination with such growth, I think about 82 not even sure any more and watched him grow through years and not losing his enthusiasm, so will pray for more as I go. But God knows I still sure miss Jimmy K. and Gregg P. now for sure, but still hear them swing their NA two by four. May the great power of love and honor through your Higher Power always be with you. and lots of NA hugs and love. (hope nobody pissed about me posting this long note so to speak.)

Lynn Watkins

November 8, 2000