Chapter Thirty-three

Jessie stirred as she felt Chris pull out of her arms. She rolled over, noting that the sun was already shining into the window. It did nothing to warm the room, though. She had forgotten to turn on the heater last night and now the early morning chill surrounded them.

"Where are you going?" she asked sleepily, reaching out to touch Chris's bare back as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"Busy day."

"Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"Do we need to talk?" Jessie asked. She sat up, too, moving behind Chris and wrapping her arms around her. Her nipples hardened as she pressed her breasts against Chris's back. She closed her eyes and sighed, the lingering scent of their lovemaking arousing her again, like it had done a few hours earlier.

Chris squeezed her eyes shut, wanting nothing more than to lie back down with Jessie and make love to her once again. But in the light of day, reality showed its face, and she felt her fears surface.

"Talk to me," Jessie whispered. "Please don't just leave."

"Last night was... beyond words, really," Chris finally said. "When you left this summer, I thought about you a lot. I thought about making love with you. I wanted to make love with you. But when you came back, I was afraid to be near you. I was so afraid that if we tried, it would end up like that last time and I couldn't do that again. That's not how I wanted it to be with us."

Jessie pulled back a little, but her hands continued to rub slowly across Chris's back.

"It won't ever be like that again. Chris, I'm sorry about that night, but there is nothing I can do to change it. Not now. You know, I thought about you, too, while I was gone. But when I thought about you, about us, it wasn't that last night together that I remembered. It was the night we went camping. It was just the two of us. It was all so innocent and for the first time in my life, I wanted to make love with someone. There was no agenda, no games being played in a bar, no need to have unsatisfying sex with a stranger, no underlying need to hurt," she finished in a whisper. "It was just us and when you kissed me, for the first time in my life, I felt an attraction to someone that was so strong, I was ready to forget everything about myself and just... make love."

Chris turned around to face Jessie, seeing the glistening of tears in her eyes.

"I don't know what you want from me," Chris said softly. "I'm scared. I mean, you're here for at least a month. If we spend that time being more than friends, being intimate with each other, then when you leave, I don't think I'll be able to just dismiss it as a summer fling, Jessie. I'm too old for one-night stands."

"Why does everything have to be so complicated?" Jessie reached up and lightly ran her fingertip over Chris's eyebrows then across her cheek. "I just want a chance," Jessie whispered.

"A chance at what?"

"A chance at a normal relationship," she stated. "I don't know how, McKenna. All these years, there's just been one person after another." She felt tears prick her eyes again, but she held Chris's gaze steadily. "So many, I couldn't even begin to count. And I couldn't tell you one of their names. Then I met you up there one day," she said, motioning out the window with her head. "And I liked you. I mean, I liked you as a person. And that scared me," she said with a smile. "I never like anybody. But I'll admit, I wanted to play my little game with you, see how long it would take... but I liked you. And it mattered what you thought of me. That's why I curse myself for using you that night, for lumping you in with all the others. But in my eyes, it wasn't you anymore. You were just a woman that would make me forget everything. And I desperately needed to forget everything that night."

"I'm sorry," Chris said quietly.

But Jessie smiled.

"I'm apologizing to you, McKenna. You're not supposed to say you're sorry. I am."

"Okay." Chris nodded and leaned over to kiss Jessie lightly.

"Thank you. And thank you for last night. It was a first for me, by the way."

"A first?"

"A first to invite someone to my home, to my bed. A first to wake up with someone in my arms," Jessie said shyly. "I liked it."

"Well, you want to try for two nights?"

"Two nights, McKenna? Won't Dillon disown you?"

"Shit! I forgot about him. He probably froze his ass off last night," she said as she stood. "I better get going, anyway. We have a lot of trails to mark today."

Jessie watched as Chris walked naked to the heater and turned it on before bending to retrieve her jeans from the floor. Jessie left the warmth of the covers and walked to Chris, her hands moving over Chris's exposed breasts. She couldn't stop herself as she lowered her mouth to capture an aroused nipple.

"Jessie... oh," Chris breathed, her hands leaving the jeans undone as they roamed over Jessie's naked back before settling over her hips. She pulled Jessie close against her, hearing the low moan come from Jessie. When Jessie raised her head, Chris found her mouth, kissing her hard before pushing her away. If they didn't stop now, they never would.

"Do you have any idea how much I want you?" Jessie asked, but she turned away from Chris and grabbed her robe. "I'm not used to this, McKenna. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry for wanting me. I'm sorry I have to leave."

"How about if we cook something at your place tonight?" Jessie asked as she tied her robe tightly around herself and followed Chris into the living room. She was unusually nervous, she realized. As she had said, she wasn't used to this.

Chris slipped the sweatshirt over her head and tried to tame her hair by running impatient fingers through it. She looked at Jessie, who stood in her bare feet waiting for her answer. Then she smiled and walked closer, taking Jessie's hands in her own.

"You know, Jessie, I'm not exactly used to this either. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act this morning... but last night was incredible. And I definitely would love to repeat it often," she said before touching her lips lightly to Jessie's. "And I wish like hell I didn't have to leave this morning," she murmured against Jessie's lips as their kiss deepened.

Jessie finally stepped away when she realized she was on the verge of begging Chris to stay. And that, she was definitely not used to.

"I'll tell you what," Chris said. "I'll leave the back door unlocked. You can go over whenever you want, if you feel like cooking. I'll try to make it an early day," she said.

"So, I have free range of your kitchen?"

"Yes. But you've also seen what my fridge has to offer, so..."

"I'll bring the food, McKenna."

"Good. I'll see you soon."