Chapter Twenty-eight

The wind was biting when they stepped outside and Chris grabbed her coat from beside the door. The clouds hung low over the trees, promising snow, and she saw Jessie pull the collar of her own coat around her ears.

They drove in silence, Chris occasionally glancing at Jessie who was wringing her hands together nervously. She finally shoved them both between her legs.

"What's wrong?"

"Hell, I'm nervous, McKenna. What do you think?"

Chris was nervous, too. This was a hell of a thing to pull on Annie, and Chris had no idea what her reaction would be. Chris wouldn't be a bit surprised if Annie fainted straight away.

She parked in her usual spot and cut the engine, both of them staring out towards the house.

"Come on," Chris said. "It'll be fine."

Jessie followed her up the steps that were once so familiar to her. She remembered countless times running up them, two at a time. She looked at the front door and watched as Chris raised her hand to knock, wondering why she suddenly wanted to pull that hand back and turn around and leave. She wasn't ready. She didn't know if she would ever be ready.

"Annie?" Chris called as she opened the door.

"Come in, dear. I'll be right there."

Chris met Jessie's eyes before walking inside. She could see the tension and worry in them, and she offered a small smile. "You'll be fine," she whispered.

They walked in and Jessie was practically hiding behind Chris. She knew she wasn't mentally prepared for this, and she wanted to turn and run when she heard footsteps coming from the back room. The room that used to be Jack's study. She looked around quickly, seeing a few familiar things, but not much. The room had been redecorated, thankfully. It hardly looked like the house of her childhood.

"Well, Chris, I was surprised to hear from you today," Annie said and Chris bent to kiss her cheek.

"Hi Annie."

She stepped aside then and motioned to Jessie, who was still standing behind her.

"Oh, dear God in heaven," Annie whispered. Her hand clutched at her chest and she grabbed Chris's arm to steady herself. Her eyes flew to Chris. "Where did you find her?" she asked, her eyes darting between Chris and Jessie.

"Well, she kinda found me," Chris said.

Jessie stood there, speechless. The old, grieving woman she expected was nowhere to be found. Annie looked younger now than she had sixteen years ago. Her eyes were bright and sparkling, no longer the dull blue that Jessie remembered. She stood straight and there was a grace to her walk, not the slow, tired shuffle that she recalled hearing. She raised her head, but she couldn't bring herself to meet Annie's eyes.

"Jessie?"

Jessie looked up at Chris, trying to draw strength.

"This is Annie," Chris finally said.

Jessie at last met the eyes of her mother, clear and blue. She attempted a small smile and nodded.

"Why don't we sit down?" Chris said, leading Annie into the living room. She glanced back over her shoulder and motioned for Jessie to follow. She whispered to Annie then. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm not okay," she said quietly.

Annie sat on the sofa and Jessie took an armchair. Chris stood between them, looking from one to the other. She shook her head, then bit her bottom lip. It wasn't supposed to be like this. They weren't even looking at each other, much less talking. She went into the kitchen and found the bottle of wine and brought it back with three glasses. Annie seemed to have recovered from her shock a little by then.

"For so long I've wished for you to walk through that door, though I never thought that you actually would. Now that you have, I'm speechless." Annie looked at Jessie when she spoke, but Jessie's eyes were staring at her clenched hands. Annie saw the relief in them when Chris returned. "Now, maybe you'll tell me how you two know each other," she said, looking at Chris for an answer.

Chris raised her eyebrows questioningly, then glanced at Jessie.

Jessie cleared her throat, then turned pleading eyes to Chris. "Do you mind?"

"I don't believe this," Chris muttered under her breath. She sat down next to Annie and handed her a glass of wine. "Drink up," she said and touched Annie's glass with her own. They all took a long swallow and Chris refilled their glasses again, wondering where to begin. At the beginning, she supposed.

"Annie, I first met Jessie in August," she said.

"August? And you didn't tell me?"

Chris ignored her question, but shot an "I told you so" look at Jessie.

"She said some pretty awful things about you then and I guess I took up for you and told her some things that she either didn't remember or didn't know. Then we sort of had an argument and she left. Anyway, she came back to see you, to talk, so I brought her." She spread her hands out. "Is that brief enough?" she asked Jessie.

"Any more brief and no one would have followed you," Jessie murmured. "Including me."

Annie saw Chris's quick smile and wondered how well they knew each other. There was a familiarity between them, yet it couldn't be. Surely Chris would not have kept this a secret from her.

"Look, I'm going to leave you two alone, okay?"

"No!" they said in unison, then looked at each other for the first time.

"I mean... there's no need, Chris," Annie said. Truthfully, she was afraid to be alone with Jessie. She remembered the last words Jessie had spoken to her all those years ago.

"Really, please stay," Jessie said, her dark eyes again pleading.

"I just think, if you're going to talk, it really doesn't concern me, is all."

"Oh, bullshit," Annie said, slapping her knee. "You already know all the family secrets anyway." She looked at Jessie then. "That is what you want to talk about, isn't it?"

"I just... I just wanted to see you. To talk. To ask some questions," Jessie managed. Never in her life had she been short of words. She was always in control of every situation. Always. Only now, for some reason, she couldn't seem to voice her thoughts. She swallowed down her nervousness and looked to Chris for reassurance. She was surprised at the warmth in Chris's eyes.

"Annie, she doesn't remember... much of her childhood. Or she didn't."

"You don't remember what?" Annie asked.

Jessie closed her eyes. She wasn't ready for this. Dr. Davies had been right. She was rushing things. She wanted to bolt from the room rather than tell this woman, this stranger, what her father had done to her. Then warm hands settled on her shoulders and squeezed lightly and she let out her breath. When she opened her eyes, Annie was looking at Chris whose hands still rested on her shoulders.

"Listen, why don't you come back tomorrow for lunch," Annie suggested. "That'll give us both time to get used to this. We'll talk then."

Jessie finally recovered, knowing she had been given a reprieve. "I'm sure this is a shock to you," she said. "It's a shock to me, too," she admitted. "I never thought I would see you again, or at any rate, talk to you. Especially after the way that I left."

"Yes," Annie nodded. Then she smiled. "I guess that's why the mother is always the first one killed off."

Jessie's eyes widened. "You've read them?"

"Oh, yes. Every word." She looked up at Chris who still stood behind Jessie with hands resting lightly on her shoulders. "Better take her back now, Chris."

"Okay. Do you need anything?"

"Oh, no. I'm fine. I'm sure I'll have the rest of that wine, though," she said with a laugh.

They were nearly to the door before Annie called to them.

"You've grown into a beautiful woman, Jessie."

Jessie smiled at her, but said nothing. They shut the door and Jessie let out a long breath. They both looked at the sky, then hurried to the Jeep as snow flurries fell around them.

"It's freezing," Jessie said and slammed the door.

Chris started the engine and turned the heater on. She turned to Jessie who was still looking out the window towards the house.

"Are you okay?"

"She's not what I expected."

"What do you mean?"

"She's prettier than I remembered. She looks younger, even. She used to look so tired all the time, she used to walk so slowly around the house." She turned back and faced Chris. "Thank you for staying, for being there. I know you only did it for Annie but I was glad you were there."

Chris cringed at her earlier words, knowing they were a lie. She didn't only do it for Annie. She wanted to explain to Jessie, but now wasn't the time.

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not very good at apologies... or thank you's," Jessie continued. "Sincere ones, anyway."

"You don't owe me explanations, Jessie."

"Of course I do. If I'd never met you, I wouldn't be here today. I'd have run back to New York and stayed. And continued with my so-called life."

"What about tomorrow? Will you be okay?"

"I think so. She's right. We both need some time."

"Annie is a fine lady, Jessie. Give her a chance."

Jessie met her eyes and did not look away. "I hope she gives me a chance. I'm the one who left. I'm the one who practically threatened her life when I left."

Chris drove away finally, not knowing what else to say. They were silent on the return trip and Chris drove to Jessie's cabin, parking beside the rental car, this time a four-wheel-drive SUV.

"Thank you again, Chris. I do appreciate it."

"No problem," Chris said.

"Do you want to come in?"

Their eyes met briefly, then Chris looked away.

"No. I've got some stuff to do," Chris said. She tapped the steering wheel lightly with her thumbs.

"Okay, McKenna. Maybe some other time?"

Jessie made no move to get out. She didn't want to be alone, but she wasn't going to beg Chris to stay.

"Supposed to snow tonight. Do you have any firewood?" Chris asked.

"There's a little on the porch. I guess Mary Ruth had some put there."

"The lodge sells it, if you need more. And I've got plenty. You're welcome to some of that," Chris offered.

"Thanks."

"Well, listen, I need to get going," Chris said again.

"Of course." Jessie opened the door and stepped out into the cold.

Chris raised one hand as she drove away. She knew Jessie wanted her to stay and she had been tempted. But she was worried about Annie. She drove straight back to her house and went in after a light knock.

Annie was still sitting on the sofa, her wineglass full. She raised startled eyes to Chris, then patted the sofa next to her. Chris sat down obediently.

"Explain," Annie said softly.

"I'm so sorry," Chris said.

"Oh, please." Annie dismissed her apology with a wave of her hand. "You came back, like I knew you would." She took her hand and squeezed it. "I know you care about me, Chris. And I know you wouldn't intentionally do something to hurt me. Now, tell me about August."

"I ran into her up on Ridge Trail. I recognized her immediately from the pictures on her books, but I didn't say anything. She was using a phony name. Jennifer Parker. I wanted to tell you, Annie, but I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure she was here to see you and I certainly didn't know what to make of the fake name."

"How long was she here?"

"A couple of weeks, I guess. Maybe three. I don't know how long she was here before I ran into her. We got to know each other a little, had dinner a couple of times. I took her on an overnight backpacking trip and I finally told her that I knew who she was."

"And?"

"And I think maybe Jessie should tell you the rest," Chris said.

Annie studied her for the longest time, finally looking away and sipping from her wine.

"You said she didn't remember her childhood," Annie reminded her.

"She's been seeing a therapist, apparently several different therapists, for awhile now, I guess. I think because she didn't remember, her therapist suggested she come back here." Chris bit her lip, wondering how much to tell Annie. It really wasn't her place to talk about Jack. If Jessie wanted to confess to Annie, that was one thing. But Chris wasn't going to be the one to bring all that to light.

Again Annie watched her.

"There's something you're not telling me."

Chris shook her head.

"I found her up on Ridge Trail that last night she was here, same ledge that Jack fell from. She was just sitting there alone with a blanket and a bottle of wine," she said.

"Dear God, she wasn't going to jump?"

"No, Annie. But she had been crying when I found her and we... talked some. That's the last time I saw her. Until today. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you, Annie, but she was already gone. What good would it have done then?"

"Chris, it's okay. I'm not angry with you," she said. She filled their wineglasses again. "I guess I'm still in shock. I really never expected to see her again, much less talk to her. She has changed, though. She looks softer, somehow. She was a very bitter teen. And her books are so dark, even her picture on the back. But the woman I saw today wasn't the same woman in the pictures."

"No. I think maybe that woman is gone," Chris said. "But she has a lot to talk about, Annie. And she may say some things that you don't want to hear."

Annie reached over and patted Chris's knee.

"I'll be fine. I just don't want to end up in one of her books, you know?"

Chris laughed, then stopped when she realized Annie was serious.

She left a short time later, after hauling enough logs inside for a couple of fires and stacking more on the back deck. The snow was still light, barely sticking, but the temperature had dropped into the twenties already and the wind howled through the trees as she walked to her Jeep. Snow by morning, for sure.