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THE BOONDOCK SAINTS screenplay.doc
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It's only 11:00 here boys so I got

lot's more drinkin' ta do with your

worthless relatives down at the Anvil.

MURPHY

Just called ta torture us did ya?

CONNOR

How's Uncle Sibeal?

MOM

Well, you know how it is with him.

Always complainin' he's never turnin'

a profit on St. Patty's. Whole damn

family goes down there with no money,

cause we know he can't bear ta charge

us.

They all laugh.

MOM

But he's been havin' himself a nip

or two as well... Been up the

waitress' skirt all night, poor girl.

MURPHY

Well you tell him ta take it easy

with that. He's gotta learn ta respect

women the way Connor does.

CONNOR

Oh, Jesus.

MURPHY

I gave him his first lesson in

sensitivity toward the fairer sex

just today.

CONNOR

Don't even do it, ya bastard.

MURPHY

(laughs)

He got beat up by a girl.

CONNOR

If that was a girl I want ta see

some papers. She had ta be just

preoperative for Christ sakes.

MOM

(dogmatically)

Lord's name.

BOTH

(genuflecting,

impassionate)

Mother Mary, full of grace.

MOM

What did you do, Connor?

CONNOR

Well, we tried ta make friends and

she gave me a shot ta the nuts.

MOM

(aghast)

What... the dirty bitch! I hope ya

trounced her a good one!

CONNOR

Well, I didn't but...

MURPHY

(shaking his fist)

Don't worry, I respected the hell

out of her for ya, Ma.

Mom laughs.

MOM

Well listen, I know how my boys take

ta scrappin' when they take ta

drinkin'.

BOTH

(semi-condescending)

Yes mother.

MOM

(light-hearted anger)

I mean it now. I carried the two of

you little bastards around in my

belly at the same time you ungrateful

pissants. Ya ruined my girlish figure

in one fell swoop, and then ya sucked

me dry.

(grabbing her breast)

My tits are saggin' down ta my ankles.

I trip over em for Christ sakes, now

ya listen ta me, NO FIGHTEN!

The boys laugh.

MOM

Promise me boys.

MURPHY

We promise.

CONNOR

Yeah, we promise.

MOM

Well, there's my boys.

(pulls back curtain,

looks out window)

Shit. I gotta go. Looks like I caused

a ruckus with that shot. Half the

damn neighborhood is comin'.

MURPHY

All right, love ya ma. Listen, before

ya go just give us the goods, eh?

CONNOR

Yeah. It's been twenty-seven years.

MOM

Still bickerin' over that, huh?

CONNOR

Come on, ma. Out with it. Who came

out first?

MOM

All right, I suppose you have the

right ta know.

The boys stand shoulder to shoulder, naked. They peer into

the distance, ears to the phone, awaiting this most important

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