- •Verbal Abuse is no Crime. It is Harmless and Unavoidable
- •Verbal Abuse Statistics
- •1) Verbal abuse triggers the next stage of the vicious circle of violence – physical abuse.
- •2) The consequences of verbal abuse are as grave as those of physical violence, it can even cause a lethal outcome.
- •3) The consequences of verbal abuse are unpredictable.
- •4) The victims of verbal abuse suffer strained relationships with family members and friends.
- •5) Verbal abuse is as dangerous for you health as physical violence.
- •6) We will protect the abusers themselves by considering verbal violence a crime.
- •7) Verbal abuse of children is more harmful then any other kind of abuse.
- •8) Different people have different views on verbal abuse.
- •9) Considering verbal abuse a crime is the only way to combat it.
- •1) One can never prove the fact of being verbally abused.
- •2) Different people have different views on verbal abuse.
- •3) Bad language is an uncontrollable impulse.
- •4) Criticism is a sign of a healthy relationship.
1) Verbal abuse triggers the next stage of the vicious circle of violence – physical abuse.
The studies show that the aim of the victimizers is to gain or regain control over the situation and the victim, to assert their authority, to maintain power and dominance in a relationship. Living on a steady diet of verbal abuse, the victim becomes frustrated, indifferent to any insults and assaults and worn out. As a result when the victim is already at an ebb he or she just cannot douse the abuser’s aggression if he turns into a batterer. In many cases verbal abuse is a precursor to and in conjunction with physical abuse. Even if the victim retaliates, it only provokes the escalation of violence.
2) The consequences of verbal abuse are as grave as those of physical violence, it can even cause a lethal outcome.
There are different reasons for that. Firstly, it is the double identity of the victimizer. Verbal abuse is difficult to detect, there are no bruises, black eyes or other injuries. Psychologists point out that many verbal abusers are delightful, charming men in public. They treat their spouse with such respect that people often think they are a perfect couple. They save their cruelty for a private audience of one.
Secondly, domestic abuse is a game of control, and batterers are expert players. They are manipulators who use different techniques to make their victims believe in their lies. The favorite statements of the abusers are: “Nobody will love such a worthless woman but me”, “You deserve it”, “You are a slut”, “You are a poor excuse for a mother”. Sometimes the victimizer’s pressure is so strong that the victim sees no other way out but committing a suicide.
Thirdly, in Belarus there are no anti-domestic violence laws. Even if they are on the books, they are underenforced, because the police are wary of interfering in family rows, they consider them private and not dangerous.
3) The consequences of verbal abuse are unpredictable.
You have a more or less clear plan tailored for any particular situation involving physical violence. If it happens for the first time, you can wait. If it happens on a regular basis, you can get a protective order. If the battering threatens your life or the life of your children you have to file for a divorce immediately.
However, that is not the case with verbal abuse. On the one hand, it can be the first stage of physical violence. One the other hand, it can be a unique episode that will never happen again because the victimizer will realize that he hurt your feelings, that you have a different view on what is appropriate in communication and what is not.
4) The victims of verbal abuse suffer strained relationships with family members and friends.
Any form of violence is a persistent, silent and pernicious secret. The victims usually tell nobody about the verbal abuse they experience behind close doors, because they either think that it is their fault, or because they do not understand or do not want to acknowledge they are victims. Sometimes they also just do not want others to feel sorry for them, they are too ashamed.