серия 5

1

00:00:22,613 --> 00:00:25,252

- Excuse me. Is this the last one?

- I think it is.

2

00:00:25,453 --> 00:00:27,728

We can't keep enough of those lately.

3

00:00:27,933 --> 00:00:33,291

- New shipment is in tomorrow.

- This one looks old. Is it fresh?

4

00:00:33,493 --> 00:00:34,892

Oh, sure.

5

00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,365

- Excuse me. I was taking those.

- You put them back.

6

00:00:42,653 --> 00:00:44,371

No, I'm still getting them.

7

00:00:44,573 --> 00:00:48,691

I don't mean to be difficult,

but if you were still getting them...

8

00:00:48,893 --> 00:00:52,169

...why didn't you put them in your

cart instead of back on the shelf?

9

00:00:52,373 --> 00:00:56,082

People pick items up, they put them

down again. It's part of shopping...

10

00:00:56,333 --> 00:00:57,971

...deciding what to buy,

whether to buy.

11

00:00:58,173 --> 00:01:01,404

I was deciding if I wanted

those when you swooped in.

12

00:01:01,653 --> 00:01:02,847

Swooped in?

13

00:01:03,093 --> 00:01:07,086

I don't want to be a troublemaker,

but these other Pringles are ridged.

14

00:01:07,293 --> 00:01:08,806

I have trouble with ridges.

15

00:01:09,173 --> 00:01:13,883

After you put them down on

the shelf, you picked up Ruffles.

16

00:01:14,133 --> 00:01:18,490

Why would you consider Ruffles,

if you have trouble with ridges?

17

00:01:18,733 --> 00:01:22,612

- What are you, a lawyer?

- You saw her put these back, right?

18

00:01:22,813 --> 00:01:26,522

- That's rich, playing the sex card.

- I beg your pardon?

19

00:01:26,733 --> 00:01:29,645

You think he's going to

side with you...

20

00:01:29,853 --> 00:01:33,402

...'cause you look how you look,

and I look how I look.

21

00:01:33,613 --> 00:01:35,968

- These are my Pringles.

- Did you see that?

22

00:01:36,173 --> 00:01:39,404

- I don't want to get involved.

- Fine. Have the Pringles.

23

00:01:39,613 --> 00:01:42,332

But let's be honest.

You decided not to buy them...

24

00:01:42,573 --> 00:01:45,371

...and when I wanted them,

you wanted them back.

25

00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:47,291

You pissy little thing.

26

00:01:47,493 --> 00:01:50,053

Shopping in your little

Calvin Klein outfit.

27

00:01:50,253 --> 00:01:52,608

You chose them 'cause I

left them on the edge...

28

00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,646

...and you wouldn't have to

pop a pore to reach them.

29

00:01:55,853 --> 00:01:59,448

Why are you being so mean? Is it

because you look how you look?

30

00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:03,407

I won't even dignify that.

I've got the Pringles!

31

00:02:17,453 --> 00:02:18,806

Oops.

32

00:02:21,893 --> 00:02:23,167

VONDA SINGS:

I've been down this road

33

00:02:23,373 --> 00:02:26,171

One Hundred Tears Away

34

00:02:26,373 --> 00:02:29,922

Walking the line

That's painted by pride

35

00:02:30,133 --> 00:02:32,408

And I have made mistakes in my life

36

00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:36,328

That I just can 't hide

37

00:02:36,933 --> 00:02:39,527

Oh, I believe I am ready

38

00:02:39,773 --> 00:02:43,482

For what love has to bring

39

00:02:44,653 --> 00:02:47,884

I got myself together

40

00:02:48,573 --> 00:02:51,246

Now I'm ready to sing

41

00:02:51,493 --> 00:02:54,644

I've been searching my soul tonight

42

00:02:54,893 --> 00:02:58,203

I know there's so much more to life

43

00:02:59,093 --> 00:03:02,165

Now I know I can shine a light

44

00:03:02,413 --> 00:03:05,371

To find my way back home

45

00:03:05,613 --> 00:03:10,050

Oh, baby, yeah

46

00:03:10,293 --> 00:03:11,772

Oh, yeah

47

00:03:17,093 --> 00:03:20,324

Officer, it was totally vicious.

48

00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,969

- Did you really have to handcuff me?

- Standard procedure, ma'am.

49

00:03:24,173 --> 00:03:28,689

- I didn't mean for her to fall.

- You've been consistent on that one.

50

00:03:29,253 --> 00:03:31,767

ALLY: Can you tell him how

horrible she was being?

51

00:03:31,973 --> 00:03:33,167

- Okay, Ally.

- Thank God.

52

00:03:33,373 --> 00:03:34,647

Renee Radick, Deputy D.A.

53

00:03:34,853 --> 00:03:37,128

- Do we need the cufflinks?

- We made an arrest.

54

00:03:37,333 --> 00:03:39,244

- What happened?

- An argument.

55

00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:42,570

She tripped her, causing a head

laceration, maybe a concussion.

56

00:03:42,773 --> 00:03:44,684

I was only going for a stumble.

57

00:03:44,893 --> 00:03:47,407

I can't send you

for paper towels?

58

00:03:47,613 --> 00:03:49,729

- We're taking her.

- Into custody?

59

00:03:49,933 --> 00:03:53,812

Why did they cuff you?

To make it harder to paint your toes?

60

00:03:54,013 --> 00:03:56,732

Your sarcasm

is inappropriate!

61

00:03:56,933 --> 00:04:00,323

I'm an attorney,

I'll sue you for police brutality.

62

00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:02,888

Don't forget Rodney King.

63

00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,051

He's pulling me!

64

00:04:06,133 --> 00:04:08,010

There are video cameras.

65

00:04:09,693 --> 00:04:15,051

I'm accosted by this woman and I

have to be subjected to this...

66

00:04:15,973 --> 00:04:18,487

- Let's go home.

- Where are my things?

67

00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:22,732

- Do I get my belongings back?

- We have another problem.

68

00:04:22,933 --> 00:04:24,571

- Is she dead?

- No.

69

00:04:24,773 --> 00:04:27,765

The woman's meeting

with her lawyer.

70

00:04:27,973 --> 00:04:30,771

- What?

- The store has a video surveillance.

71

00:04:30,973 --> 00:04:32,406

They played the tapes.

72

00:04:32,613 --> 00:04:36,083

- Now the charges include shoplifting.

- What?

73

00:04:36,293 --> 00:04:41,083

The tapes show you putting

contraceptive jelly into your pocket.

74

00:04:41,293 --> 00:04:44,205

Because I was

embarrassed to be seen with it.

75

00:04:44,413 --> 00:04:45,641

I was going to pay.

76

00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:47,252

- Contraceptive jelly?

- Quiet!

77

00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:52,288

- I was hiding it until checkout time.

- You're not even having sex!

78

00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:57,483

If you hadn't yanked me

away, I would have paid for it.

79

00:04:59,053 --> 00:05:02,523

I'll whisk you through arraignment

and dispose of it first thing.

80

00:05:02,733 --> 00:05:05,850

- You'll be the D.A.?

- I'll try. Get a lawyer...

81

00:05:06,053 --> 00:05:08,442

- I'm representing myself.

- No!

82

00:05:08,653 --> 00:05:09,802

Yes, I will.

83

00:05:10,013 --> 00:05:12,083

We want the judge

to kick this quickly.

84

00:05:12,293 --> 00:05:14,761

They dislike lawyers

to represent themselves.

85

00:05:14,973 --> 00:05:19,046

Take this phone and call

someone from your office. Now!

86

00:05:23,933 --> 00:05:25,207

[PHONE RINGS]

87

00:05:31,733 --> 00:05:33,086

Hello? Hello?

88

00:05:33,293 --> 00:05:34,885

Whipper?

89

00:05:35,093 --> 00:05:38,085

- How are you?

- Oh, I'm fine.

90

00:05:38,413 --> 00:05:40,643

He's a little busy right now.

91

00:05:40,853 --> 00:05:43,208

Could I ask him to call you back?

92

00:05:43,413 --> 00:05:46,530

Oh, that would be fabulous.

Bye. See you.

93

00:05:51,973 --> 00:05:53,247

[PHONE RINGS]

94

00:06:01,173 --> 00:06:03,448

- Hello?

ALLY: It's Ally. Is Billy there?

95

00:06:03,653 --> 00:06:05,644

Hey, Ally. Sure.

96

00:06:08,573 --> 00:06:10,643

- Hello?

- No questions or passing judgment.

97

00:06:10,853 --> 00:06:13,606

Don't pass go.

Just listen and help me.

98

00:06:13,813 --> 00:06:17,089

I tripped a woman.

I stole sex jelly and I need you.

99

00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:21,206

- I'll meet you at the courthouse.

- She wanted Pringles...

100

00:06:21,413 --> 00:06:24,849

- Now what?

- She knocked somebody unconscious...

101

00:06:25,053 --> 00:06:27,283

...and stole diaphragm jelly.

102

00:06:28,853 --> 00:06:30,844

Great, Jeanie, thanks.

103

00:06:31,053 --> 00:06:33,169

Happy Boyle is sitting first session.

104

00:06:33,373 --> 00:06:36,843

- That's the one Billy knows?

- He likes hookers and clean teeth.

105

00:06:37,053 --> 00:06:39,806

You might actually dodge a bullet.

106

00:06:40,013 --> 00:06:43,403

- Now, can we talk about this?

- No!

107

00:06:47,853 --> 00:06:49,525

- I must know the facts.

- Forget it!

108

00:06:49,733 --> 00:06:52,805

- Lf I don't know the story...

- Renee knows. Follow her.

109

00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:56,244

- Did you bring the records?

- X-rays too. It's all here.

110

00:06:56,453 --> 00:06:59,172

Commonwealth versus Ally

McBeal, 32122.

111

00:06:59,373 --> 00:07:02,331

Assault, battery,

misdemeanor larceny.

112

00:07:02,533 --> 00:07:05,684

- Billy Thomas for the defendant.

- Renee Radick for the Commonwealth.

113

00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,849

We can dust this one

at the bench.

114

00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:10,965

We'll plead sufficient facts,

no finding of guilt...

115

00:07:11,173 --> 00:07:13,004

...if she's clean for a year,

it gets wiped.

116

00:07:13,213 --> 00:07:15,602

She mauled a woman

over a bag of chips?

117

00:07:16,133 --> 00:07:18,283

She tripped her.

It seems minor.

118

00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:22,169

- What about stealing spermicide?

- That seems to be a mistake.

119

00:07:22,373 --> 00:07:26,207

She put it in her pocket

because she was embarrassed.

120

00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:29,052

After the altercation,

she forgot about it.

121

00:07:29,453 --> 00:07:32,013

- Aren't you the district attorney?

- Yes, Your Honor.

122

00:07:32,213 --> 00:07:35,523

There's no point in wasting

tax dollars on this.

123

00:07:35,733 --> 00:07:37,052

Step up here, young woman.

124

00:07:42,613 --> 00:07:43,887

Let me see your teeth.

125

00:07:51,453 --> 00:07:56,402

- You've been in front of me before.

- She was with me as an attorney.

126

00:07:56,613 --> 00:07:57,489

BOYLE:

A lawyer?

127

00:07:57,693 --> 00:08:01,003

Is it appropriate for an

attorney to kick people...

128

00:08:01,213 --> 00:08:03,807

...and then steal spermicide?

- No! L...

129

00:08:04,013 --> 00:08:06,129

Your Honor, it was

a misunderstanding...

130

00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:08,893

...and I'd like to admit

Ms. McBeal's dental records...

131

00:08:09,093 --> 00:08:13,644

...with her x-rays, which vouch

for her hygiene and character.

132

00:08:13,853 --> 00:08:17,641

ALLY: This would be funny if justice

wasn 't this arbitrary.

133

00:08:17,853 --> 00:08:21,528

Very well. Continue with

no findings for one year.

134

00:08:22,053 --> 00:08:26,649

- Behave yourself, you little vixen.

- Yes, sir.

135

00:08:28,613 --> 00:08:30,365

BOYLE:

Next case.

136

00:08:32,413 --> 00:08:35,883

- I have truly wonderful news.

- Might you keep it to yourself?

137

00:08:36,093 --> 00:08:39,244

- I sold the face bra!

- You sold it?

138

00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:42,126

To a small company.

We're doing an infomercial.

139

00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:44,563

I need you to close the deal.

140

00:08:44,773 --> 00:08:46,843

We'll call it "The Mask"

for women on the run!

141

00:08:47,053 --> 00:08:50,648

- You kicked a woman senseless?

- I tripped her!

142

00:08:50,853 --> 00:08:53,492

She got a cut on her

head. Who told you?

143

00:08:53,693 --> 00:08:55,490

- The Board of Bar Overseers.

- What?

144

00:08:55,693 --> 00:08:57,968

Judge Boyle made a report.

They suspended your license.

145

00:08:58,173 --> 00:08:59,686

- What?

- Who'll do my patent?

146

00:08:59,893 --> 00:09:02,726

- The hearing is tomorrow.

- They suspended my license?

147

00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:07,051

You can't attack people over a snack.

It's common sense.

148

00:09:07,253 --> 00:09:09,847

They also said you swiped

some gyno-cream.

149

00:09:10,053 --> 00:09:11,691

Any truth to that?

150

00:09:15,173 --> 00:09:16,970

I sold my face bra.

151

00:09:17,173 --> 00:09:21,371

Well, I'm nothing,

if not surrounded.

152

00:09:24,973 --> 00:09:26,691

Look what they've done...

153

00:09:26,893 --> 00:09:30,010

...to my song, Ma

154

00:09:31,493 --> 00:09:36,203

Look what they've done

To my song

155

00:09:36,413 --> 00:09:40,770

- Can they really suspend her?

- They just want to give her a warning.

156

00:09:40,973 --> 00:09:43,362

She wouldn't take it.

157

00:09:43,573 --> 00:09:46,849

Isn't it rude to talk about

me like I'm not here?

158

00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:49,613

Maybe same room,

but different planet.

159

00:09:49,813 --> 00:09:51,565

Kidding. Bygones.

Whatever.

160

00:09:51,773 --> 00:09:53,889

I know who will be

sitting tomorrow.

161

00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:56,846

Henrietta Fulham, Johnson Hawk,

and Marshal Pink.

162

00:09:57,053 --> 00:09:58,691

Let me see that.

163

00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:04,408

You? How can you smoke

those disgusting things?

164

00:10:04,613 --> 00:10:07,081

They lend intrigue

to my character.

165

00:10:07,533 --> 00:10:10,001

They're serious.

Can you represent her?

166

00:10:10,213 --> 00:10:11,965

- Sure.

RICHARD: I'll go too. Back you up.

167

00:10:12,173 --> 00:10:15,165

Lawyers have committed

dangerous crimes...

168

00:10:15,373 --> 00:10:19,412

...and they're not brought before the

board. And this was an altercation.

169

00:10:19,613 --> 00:10:22,571

- This seems like a joke.

RICHARD: With this panel?

170

00:10:22,773 --> 00:10:25,924

No joke. And Pink: Conservative,

no humor, Christian.

171

00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:29,682

- The gyno-gel could be trouble.

- Oh, great.

172

00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:38,722

And it's turning out all wrong

173

00:10:59,453 --> 00:11:03,207

What that tape doesn't reflect is

the provocation by Mrs. Clarkson.

174

00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:07,247

I remind the panel there's been no

criminal finding against Ms. McBeal.

175

00:11:07,453 --> 00:11:10,570

It's not about criminal wrongdoing.

It's about mental fitness.

176

00:11:10,813 --> 00:11:11,609

What?!

177

00:11:11,813 --> 00:11:15,647

Your Honor, there is no basis

to question her mental fitness.

178

00:11:15,853 --> 00:11:18,765

- There is, counsel.

- I'd certainly like to hear it.

179

00:11:23,093 --> 00:11:25,368

First, the assault

in the supermarket.

180

00:11:25,573 --> 00:11:28,610

Second, Professor James Dawson

was a friend of mine.

181

00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:32,044

I attended

his funeral last week.

182

00:11:32,253 --> 00:11:36,929

Ms. McBeal's eulogy

was bizarre, to say the least.

183

00:11:38,053 --> 00:11:40,408

You see the man seated back there,

Ms. McBeal?

184

00:11:42,533 --> 00:11:43,682

- Sorry.

- Hey!

185

00:11:43,893 --> 00:11:47,647

Did you accost him because

he wasn't apologetic enough...

186

00:11:47,853 --> 00:11:49,764

...after bumping into you?

187

00:11:49,973 --> 00:11:51,531

There is a context to that.

188

00:11:51,733 --> 00:11:53,689

Did you submit your

dental records in court...

189

00:11:53,893 --> 00:11:56,566

...as mitigating circumstances

for last night's attack?

190

00:11:56,773 --> 00:12:02,245

Motivated by your inability

to get the potato chip of your choice?

191

00:12:02,453 --> 00:12:06,844

Ms. McBeal, we won't deny

your due process, but I'll be frank.

192

00:12:07,053 --> 00:12:11,683

We're in a time where the Bar and

lawyers are subjected to public scorn.

193

00:12:11,893 --> 00:12:14,532

You trip people in supermarkets.

194

00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:18,521

You steal spermicidal jelly.

You punch people on the street.

195

00:12:18,733 --> 00:12:21,850

I saw you acting very

erratically on a pulpit.

196

00:12:22,053 --> 00:12:26,046

There is an explanation

for all of it. Every last bit.

197

00:12:26,253 --> 00:12:27,845

You'll get to present it.

198

00:12:28,053 --> 00:12:31,841

We've scheduled an evidentiary

hearing for tomorrow, 10:00.

199

00:12:32,053 --> 00:12:34,203

Between now and that time...

200

00:12:34,413 --> 00:12:38,167

...you'd serve yourself well

not to attack anybody.

201

00:12:45,613 --> 00:12:46,728

This is beyond ridiculous.

202

00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:50,369

They can't threaten

my license over a pedestrian...

203

00:12:50,573 --> 00:12:53,167

- They subpoenaed me.

- Who?

204

00:12:53,493 --> 00:12:55,006

The Board.

To talk about Ally.

205

00:12:55,213 --> 00:12:56,441

- Why?

ELAINE: I don't know.

206

00:12:57,213 --> 00:12:59,249

Don't look so worried.

I'm on your side.

207

00:12:59,453 --> 00:13:03,287

- That's what worries me.

- Did you say anything about Ally?

208

00:13:03,493 --> 00:13:06,166

I say many

things to many people.

209

00:13:06,373 --> 00:13:09,809

- She's popped into conversation.

- What did you say?

210

00:13:10,013 --> 00:13:12,083

- Bygones!

- It's not bygones. What did you say?

211

00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:13,362

Snappish.

212

00:13:13,573 --> 00:13:16,610

He followed you,

got your name and reported you.

213

00:13:16,813 --> 00:13:18,371

- The judge decided...

- Billings.

214

00:13:18,573 --> 00:13:20,962

- What?

- I've seen that Judge Pink before.

215

00:13:21,173 --> 00:13:22,572

He's a friend of Jack Billings.

216

00:13:22,773 --> 00:13:24,684

- It's payback!

- Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

217

00:13:24,893 --> 00:13:28,363

- They get us, we get them. Biscuit?

- He's still in Syracuse.

218

00:13:28,573 --> 00:13:32,282

- You got the two of us behind you.

- And me.

219

00:13:47,773 --> 00:13:51,322

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

You become a lawyer...

220

00:13:51,533 --> 00:13:54,605

...you get interesting cases,

meet interesting men.

221

00:13:54,813 --> 00:13:57,452

You're supposed to send your life

to the dry cleaners...

222

00:13:57,653 --> 00:14:01,771

...and then it comes back

pretty and neat on a hanger...

223

00:14:01,973 --> 00:14:04,009

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

224

00:14:04,213 --> 00:14:09,207

- I agree. But can we talk about this?

- No!

225

00:14:11,013 --> 00:14:16,007

Last week you danced with Billy.

Does this have his name on it?

226

00:14:16,533 --> 00:14:20,446

I'm about to have an affair

with another married man.

227

00:14:20,653 --> 00:14:23,929

Are you...?

It just was on sale.

228

00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:29,604

I don't mean to be insulting,

but you aren't sexually spontaneous.

229

00:14:29,813 --> 00:14:32,452

You won't sleep with a man

unless you storyboard it first.

230

00:14:32,653 --> 00:14:37,044

This means something.

This has an intended. Who is it?

231

00:14:37,493 --> 00:14:41,486

- I don't have to tell you!

- I agree. You don't. No.

232

00:14:41,693 --> 00:14:43,968

But if you were going to tell me,

who is it?

233

00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:48,452

Omar Sharif.

234

00:14:48,653 --> 00:14:50,609

- Omar what?

- Sharif.

235

00:14:50,813 --> 00:14:52,883

Omar Sharif.

You don't know who he is?

236

00:14:53,653 --> 00:14:56,531

He's the guy in Funny Girl,

who shows up at the stage door.

237

00:14:56,733 --> 00:15:00,043

The guy who just walks in

from another world.

238

00:15:00,253 --> 00:15:04,007

The guy who's

looking for my door.

239

00:15:05,413 --> 00:15:09,292

If they ask you about this

at your hearing...

240

00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:13,725

...I wouldn't give that answer.

- Okay.

241

00:15:15,893 --> 00:15:17,929

It was definitely with malice.

242

00:15:18,133 --> 00:15:21,921

What you can't tell from the video

is that she locked her ankle.

243

00:15:22,133 --> 00:15:23,282

There was no give to it.

244

00:15:23,493 --> 00:15:26,053

Ma'am, the video does speak

for what happened.

245

00:15:26,253 --> 00:15:30,087

Our interest lies in her mental

state leading to the event.

246

00:15:30,293 --> 00:15:32,523

Did she seem erratic to you?

247

00:15:32,733 --> 00:15:36,885

Anyone who would commit

mayhem for a potato chip...

248

00:15:37,093 --> 00:15:41,371

What we are trying to get at is her

demeanor, her emotional state.

249

00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:43,803

You don't have to argue

the merits of what happened.

250

00:15:44,013 --> 00:15:45,731

Did she sound unstable?

251

00:15:45,933 --> 00:15:50,404

Why ask this woman when you're

providing answers yourself?

252

00:15:50,613 --> 00:15:53,286

This is an equivalent

of a traffic dispute.

253

00:15:53,493 --> 00:15:55,006

You're leading her to testify...

254

00:15:55,213 --> 00:15:59,126

- Rules of evidence don't apply here.

- How about the rules of fairness?

255

00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:02,211

Why don't you sit down and humor us?

256

00:16:02,413 --> 00:16:04,973

I apologize for

Mr. Thomas' hostility...

257

00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,323

...as much as I stress

the need for civility...

258

00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:09,524

...he continues to react

to witch hunts...

259

00:16:09,733 --> 00:16:13,089

...particularly when they're

so blatant.

260

00:16:15,053 --> 00:16:16,327

BILLY:

That wasn't constructive.

261

00:16:16,533 --> 00:16:19,445

- Neither were you. I was angry.

- I didn't insult them.

262

00:16:19,653 --> 00:16:21,928

It's not like you to be human,

much less show it.

263

00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:24,044

- It's a witch hunt, right?

- Has to be.

264

00:16:24,253 --> 00:16:26,892

The Board doesn't just

haul people in...

265

00:16:27,093 --> 00:16:29,049

Billy, is she...?

266

00:16:29,533 --> 00:16:32,001

The word around the courthouse

is she's shaky.

267

00:16:32,213 --> 00:16:34,283

Why?

She hasn't done anything...

268

00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,961

Cheanie left us.

Took his business elsewhere.

269

00:16:37,173 --> 00:16:41,405

- That's a personal thing.

- He said part of it was personal but...

270

00:16:41,613 --> 00:16:45,401

He doesn't trust her. She strikes

him as being a little unstable.

271

00:16:45,613 --> 00:16:48,252

- She's fine.

- She's still in love with you.

272

00:16:48,453 --> 00:16:51,251

- No, she's not.

- It's too much working with you...

273

00:16:51,453 --> 00:16:52,727

- She's fine.

- Okay.

274

00:16:52,933 --> 00:16:56,608

You've seemed tense

since she's been here too.

275

00:16:56,813 --> 00:16:59,691

- I don't know what you mean.

- Seriously.

276

00:16:59,933 --> 00:17:03,482

From deep inside the tears

277

00:17:04,253 --> 00:17:06,562

I'm forced to cry

278

00:17:07,773 --> 00:17:10,606

From deep inside the pain

279

00:17:10,853 --> 00:17:15,131

I chose to hide

280

00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:17,764

Just walk away, Renee

281

00:17:17,973 --> 00:17:20,441

It's time to

leave this law firm.

282

00:17:20,653 --> 00:17:21,881

- Why?

- You're in love with Billy.

283

00:17:23,013 --> 00:17:26,449

- I'm not!

- I see it. You're up, you're down.

284

00:17:26,653 --> 00:17:29,884

- Happy one minute, sad the next.

- What about before that firm?

285

00:17:30,093 --> 00:17:34,245

One day just like the next,

like the next, like the next.

286

00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:37,604

It's not dull here.

I know that I'm alive.

287

00:17:37,813 --> 00:17:39,610

I'll say this once.

288

00:17:40,573 --> 00:17:44,566

You won 't see me follow

You back home

289

00:17:44,853 --> 00:17:46,411

She's talking to you.

290

00:17:47,813 --> 00:17:52,045

- Lf you stay, protect yourself.

- How?

291

00:17:52,973 --> 00:17:55,407

When I broke up with Willy Boot,

remember 2nd year?

292

00:17:55,613 --> 00:17:57,205

- Oh, do I.

- Yeah.

293

00:17:57,413 --> 00:18:02,328

Anytime I bumped into him, I'd imagine

his new girlfriend all over him.

294

00:18:02,533 --> 00:18:04,603

It kept me from

getting sucked back in.

295

00:18:04,813 --> 00:18:08,647

I'm not getting sucked back in.

Nobody's sucking me anywhere.

296

00:18:08,853 --> 00:18:10,844

- Lf you say so.

- I say so.

297

00:18:22,373 --> 00:18:26,412

Ms. Vassal, you work

for Ms. McBeal?

298

00:18:26,613 --> 00:18:29,081

I like to think I work with her.

299

00:18:29,293 --> 00:18:32,126

Autonomy is important

for personal esteem...

300

00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:34,927

...and I've always nurtured mine.

301

00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:38,330

I'm in constant preparation

to be a mother.

302

00:18:40,213 --> 00:18:42,169

You like Ms. McBeal?

303

00:18:42,373 --> 00:18:45,888

- Very much.

- You have no agenda against her?

304

00:18:46,093 --> 00:18:48,049

- Very much not.

- Okay.

305

00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:49,481

We subpoenaed you because...

306

00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:53,368

...do you recall making statements

about Ms. McBeal?

307

00:18:53,973 --> 00:18:55,042

No, I do not.

308

00:18:55,253 --> 00:18:59,132

- You've never talked about her?

- I talk about her all the time.

309

00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:00,652

I also have allergies...

310

00:19:00,853 --> 00:19:04,050

...but I couldn't

recall a specific sneeze.

311

00:19:05,053 --> 00:19:08,125

Do you recall

saying, in your opinion...

312

00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:11,848

...Ms. McBeal was

on the verge of a nervous breakdown?

313

00:19:13,973 --> 00:19:16,806

Did you say that,

Ms. Vassal?

314

00:19:19,853 --> 00:19:22,048

One time I thought

she was struggling, but...

315

00:19:22,253 --> 00:19:26,963

- You did say it?

- To explain why she was acting crazy.

316

00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:31,885

Did you ever tell anybody she was

two-thirds of a Rice Krispie?

317

00:19:32,093 --> 00:19:36,883

"She's already snapped and crackled,

and she's close to the final pop"?

318

00:19:37,453 --> 00:19:39,250

Did you make that representation?

319

00:19:44,053 --> 00:19:47,250

Sometimes I say things to make

people think I'm a wordsmith.

320

00:19:51,533 --> 00:19:54,491

Do you think she's on the

verge of a nervous breakdown?

321

00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,206

Absolutely not.

322

00:19:56,413 --> 00:20:02,170

- Is Ms. McBeal a mentally fit person?

- She certainly is.

323

00:20:02,373 --> 00:20:05,729

Since she's your boss, do you feel

duress to say that?

324

00:20:05,933 --> 00:20:07,366

Let me tell you something.

325

00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:10,292

Not only do I like her,

but I trust her as a lawyer.

326

00:20:10,493 --> 00:20:13,326

I've vested her with getting

the patent on my face bra.

327

00:20:14,093 --> 00:20:15,367

Your what?

328

00:20:15,573 --> 00:20:19,202

My revolutionary invention

to reduce aging: The face bra.

329

00:20:19,413 --> 00:20:22,769

Wrinkles can just be a function of

gravity. It's a miracle mask.

330

00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:24,292

- Shall I demonstrate?

- No.

331

00:20:24,493 --> 00:20:26,927

- Yes.

- No, I'd like to stick to Ms. McBeal.

332

00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:29,442

Take a number.

333

00:20:29,653 --> 00:20:33,328

Why did you say she was

about to have a breakdown?

334

00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,330

I like being the center

of conversation.

335

00:20:35,533 --> 00:20:38,047

Sometimes you have to embellish

to stay centered.

336

00:20:38,253 --> 00:20:41,325

One more thing. She was only

erratic at that funeral...

337

00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:45,162

...'cause she had an extramarital

affair with the dead professor.

338

00:20:45,373 --> 00:20:48,410

Her emotional instability

that everyone talks about...

339

00:20:48,613 --> 00:20:52,492

...is because she's working

with a man that she still loves.

340

00:20:52,693 --> 00:20:56,003

It isn't that absurd, since they

were sweethearts since childhood.

341

00:20:56,213 --> 00:21:01,128

They'd sniff each other's buttocks.

There is nothing wrong with her.

342

00:21:03,173 --> 00:21:08,088

I am so sorry.

I said those things to explain.

343

00:21:08,293 --> 00:21:10,966

I should've known I was dead

as soon as you sided with me.

344

00:21:11,173 --> 00:21:15,928

At times my motives can be

misconstrued, but please believe me.

345

00:21:16,213 --> 00:21:20,889

I would never mean to undermine you.

You are my favorite boss ever.

346

00:21:21,173 --> 00:21:23,209

With the troubles that you

get yourself into...

347

00:21:23,413 --> 00:21:25,802

...I love coming

in here every day.

348

00:21:26,013 --> 00:21:29,562

It was Ronald Cheanie that you told

those things to in my defense?

349

00:21:29,773 --> 00:21:31,923

I don't want to say.

It'll cause us more friction.

350

00:21:32,133 --> 00:21:34,522

Don't worry, because

I'm done with the guy.

351

00:21:34,733 --> 00:21:37,167

I can't believe that he

would go to the Bar.

352

00:21:37,373 --> 00:21:40,843

- It wasn't Ronald Cheanie that I told.

- Then who?

353

00:21:41,053 --> 00:21:43,442

- Judge Cone.

- Whipper?

354

00:21:43,653 --> 00:21:46,884

To let her know why you butt in

between her and Richard...

355

00:21:47,093 --> 00:21:49,482

...and that you didn't

act with malice!

356

00:21:49,693 --> 00:21:51,763

Whipper.

The Whipper.

357

00:21:52,293 --> 00:21:54,170

- I had no choice.

- No choice?

358

00:21:54,373 --> 00:21:57,922

If I hear that another

member may be mentally unstable...

359

00:21:58,133 --> 00:22:00,203

- Please!

- It's my obligation...

360

00:22:00,413 --> 00:22:03,007

...my duty to report it.

Any lawyer has that duty.

361

00:22:03,213 --> 00:22:07,411

- As a judge I feel very...

- Now you start acting like a judge?

362

00:22:09,053 --> 00:22:11,328

I didn't tell the Bar

I believed Elaine.

363

00:22:11,533 --> 00:22:13,649

I reported

it was told to me.

364

00:22:13,853 --> 00:22:17,004

You wouldn't have if you didn't

think she was right.

365

00:22:17,213 --> 00:22:21,525

Not many young associates

charge into a judge's office...

366

00:22:21,733 --> 00:22:24,088

...and question her right

to wear the robe.

367

00:22:24,293 --> 00:22:25,567

You cheated on Richard.

368

00:22:25,773 --> 00:22:29,322

I'm on the Board of Overseers. I know

you punched the pedestrian.

369

00:22:29,533 --> 00:22:32,923

There are rumors

that you are a bit erratic.

370

00:22:33,133 --> 00:22:34,122

What?

371

00:22:34,333 --> 00:22:36,403

Jack Billings started

the rumors after you sued him.

372

00:22:36,613 --> 00:22:41,004

Add to that two physical assaults,

shoplifting and a secretary saying...

373

00:22:41,213 --> 00:22:45,411

...you're having a nervous breakdown.

I had to have them check you out.

374

00:22:46,973 --> 00:22:50,045

- Do you think I'm nuts?

- No.

375

00:22:51,573 --> 00:22:54,883

But I'm not sure you have two

feet on the ground either.

376

00:22:56,293 --> 00:22:58,727

Do you mean some people do?

377

00:23:14,413 --> 00:23:18,691

ALLY: Sometimes I'm tempted to become

a street person, cut off from society.

378

00:23:19,573 --> 00:23:22,690

But then I wouldn 't get to

wear my outfits.

379

00:23:33,733 --> 00:23:37,567

What were you thinking

when you stuck your foot out?

380

00:23:37,773 --> 00:23:41,243

If she left with the

Pringles, it shouldn't be proudly.

381

00:23:41,453 --> 00:23:45,844

I didn't want her to fall,

especially into canned goods.

382

00:23:46,053 --> 00:23:50,683

Have you ever undergone any

impulse-control therapy, Ms. McBeal?

383

00:23:51,173 --> 00:23:57,123

No. I have never undergone

impulse-control therapy.

384

00:23:57,333 --> 00:24:00,689

Since I had the luck

of being at last week's funeral...

385

00:24:00,893 --> 00:24:03,771

...where you so oddly

eulogized the deceased...

386

00:24:03,973 --> 00:24:07,170

Ms. Vassal filled in

some of the blanks there.

387

00:24:07,613 --> 00:24:11,970

I had an adulterous affair with him

and I am not proud of it.

388

00:24:13,053 --> 00:24:16,887

His wife asked me

to eulogize him.

389

00:24:17,093 --> 00:24:21,245

The circumstances were extreme.

If I lacked poise, I apologize.

390

00:24:21,773 --> 00:24:25,766

I'm picking up a little

contempt in your tone.

391

00:24:26,373 --> 00:24:30,332

Then I should apologize

for that too, shouldn't I?

392

00:24:30,533 --> 00:24:34,003

Ms. McBeal, if you have anger,

feel free to express it.

393

00:24:34,213 --> 00:24:36,443

But you would judge me for it,

Your Honor.

394

00:24:36,653 --> 00:24:41,329

It'd be wiser for me to pray you

should happen by me doing groceries.

395

00:24:41,533 --> 00:24:46,448

Now, imagine a young lawyer.

Her future lying in your hands.

396

00:24:46,653 --> 00:24:50,248

Who would say that?

She would be crazy...

397

00:24:50,453 --> 00:24:53,809

...or you'd have to be enough of an

ass to deserve the remark.

398

00:24:54,013 --> 00:24:57,642

Since you're the judge,

you decide, but not until I finish.

399

00:24:57,853 --> 00:24:59,844

And I haven't finished!

400

00:25:00,053 --> 00:25:02,408

That woman abused me.

401

00:25:02,613 --> 00:25:06,083

I overreacted,

but there was a context.

402

00:25:06,293 --> 00:25:11,048

The other evidence against me,

about me being emotional?

403

00:25:11,253 --> 00:25:13,687

Falling in love with men

whose bottoms I've smelled?

404

00:25:13,893 --> 00:25:17,283

Submitting x-rays to a judge with a

tooth fetish, who sleeps with hookers?

405

00:25:17,493 --> 00:25:21,168

Snapping at pedestrians who think a

square shoulder can be excused?

406

00:25:21,373 --> 00:25:24,410

I am human! I am temperamental!

I am guilty!

407

00:25:27,453 --> 00:25:29,444

Now I'm finished.

408

00:25:35,933 --> 00:25:38,049

You certainly are.

How could you do that?

409

00:25:38,253 --> 00:25:40,926

- You have a death wish?

- I wasn't going to kowtow.

410

00:25:41,133 --> 00:25:45,012

There is something between

kowtowing and launching grenades.

411

00:25:45,213 --> 00:25:48,967

I'm crazy! Doesn't everyone say that?

I'm a lunatic.

412

00:25:49,733 --> 00:25:52,566

Tomorrow I'll stand up

and plead PMS.

413

00:25:52,773 --> 00:25:55,048

- Out!

- Snappish stereo!

414

00:26:03,773 --> 00:26:04,649

Ally.

415

00:26:04,853 --> 00:26:09,768

I gotta admit, you do

seem a little off-balance.

416

00:26:09,973 --> 00:26:13,443

Who wants to be balanced?

Balance is overrated.

417

00:26:13,653 --> 00:26:15,644

What if I don't want to be balanced?

418

00:26:15,853 --> 00:26:19,368

You should be happy,

and you don't seem happy.

419

00:26:19,573 --> 00:26:22,610

Happiness is overrated too.

420

00:26:22,813 --> 00:26:25,486

- You and Cheanie, is there...?

- No.

421

00:26:25,693 --> 00:26:28,685

It's not my business, but why

did you buy contraception?

422

00:26:28,893 --> 00:26:32,681

- Forget it. It's none of my business.

- It certainly is.

423

00:26:33,893 --> 00:26:37,488

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't