2. Dealing with negative emotions : Illusion of no-control

The second part of the problem is from the idea that it is impossible for us to control our emotions. It is the belief that emotions come to us spontaneously and in reaction to the environment and happenings around. While that may be true, we can certainly control our responses to these emotions. Because that is ultimately what we are concerned with. We don’t really care about what emotions we feel, but rather how the emotions affect us.

So while something that happened may have caused you to feel angry, that doesn’t mean that you have to react in an angry way. You don’t have to retaliate or cry or bang your head on the wall just because you feel angry. You can choose to respond in a positive, empowering manner. Sadly, sometimes people act as if there isn’t any other choice. They ‘have’ to react to it. Once the emotion comes over them they just ‘lose it’. Now that is not the right way of dealing with negative emotions.

Deal with negative emotions by knowing that instead of losing it every time, we can choose how we want to respond to any emotion. Though it can seem very difficult when the emotion is very strong and pervasive, having the knowledge and techniques on dealing with negative emotions will make it easier and easier.

And, one of the core aspects of dealing with negative emotions is to not put any labels on it.

Dealing with negative emotions : The usual not-so-smart way

Everyone of us has a choice on how they want to deal with negative emotions. Sadly, many people choose to handle negative emotions by way of either avoidance or denial. By labeling emotions (as good or bad) first, then believing that they have no control over it, to them it feels like there are no other options in dealing with negative emotions apart from avoidance and denial.

As the pain from negative emotions can be quite overwhelming at times, many choose toavoid it altogether. They do this by steering away from any action or situation that could lead to having negative emotions. For example, in order to avoid disappointment, it is best not to try at all.

Now when things and ‘bad’ emotions become unavoidable, people take the route of denialinstead. This is done with the hope that by ignoring and putting aside the emotion, it will eventually go away. Not a good idea. In fact, it is even more dangerous as though you may be able to bury your emotions for now, it will eventually re-surface over time. And when that happens, all the energy from the pent up emotions over the years will usually be released together in a destructive manner.

Though people usually avoid or deny negative emotions, there are those in the other extreme as well. Some people derive importance and significance from having to face negative emotions constantly. So much so that it has become a part of their identity. They feel as living a tough life dealing with difficulties daily makes them somewhat more important and significant than others. This type of thinking is much worse than avoiding and denying emotions.