Prior Experience

1. What experience do you have raising children?  What ages?  If none, why do you believe you will enjoy raising children?  Remember, you can't send them back once they have arrived.

2. What was fun/rewarding about childcare?

3. What did the child do that drove you crazy?  How did you handle it?  Was your response effective and appropriate?

4. Have you watched (i.e. studied) good parents in action?  Have you taken any parenting classes?  Remember, we aren't born knowing how to do this stuff.

5. Do you have experience with a sick child?  With a colicky baby?

6. Have you taken a child to the hospital, or faced a medical emergency?

Quantity and Characteristics

1. How many kids would you like?

2. Do you have a gender preference?

3. What age children do you especially enjoy raising?  Are there ages that you don't handle well?

Infertility

1. Is it important to pass your genes on to the next generation?

2. What if you are (as a couple) infertile?  One in three couples has difficulty conceiving.

3. If genetic propagation is important to you, but you cannot conceive, would you donate material to a sperm bank?

4. Do you have serious medical conditions that should not be passed on to the next generation?  Are there diagnostic tests for these conditions?

5. If amnio, or some other prenatal test indicates a serious malady, such as Down's syndrome, would you be willing to abort?  If not, is there any other reason to undergo the procedure?  (Amnio carries a small risk of miscarriage.)

6. What steps are you willing to take in order to conceive?  (Rarely can a person be declared "infertile" with complete certainty.)  Would you take Claumid, or other hormonal drugs?  Undergo invasive diagnostic tests?  Artificial insemination?  Invitro fertilization?

7. How much money would you be willing to spend to conceive?  IVF is $10,000 a shot, with a 20% success rate, and no guarantees.

8. How many years will you spend trying to conceive?  At what age might you consider alternatives?

9. How do you feel about surrogate parents?  Do you know anyone who would carry a child for you?  Would you do this for anyone else?  What do you think of those who do it for money?

10. Would you be willing to adopt children?  If not, skip the next section.

Adoption

1. Have you had any experience with adoption?  Do you know people who were adopted?  Do you know any parents who have adopted?

2. Would you adopt foreign children, domestic infants, or older (special needs) children?  These three sectors of the industry are very different, each with its own pros and cons.

3. Are you prepared to do a mountain of paperwork?

4. Can you tolerate the scrutiny of a social worker who is (perhaps) half your age, and has (perhaps) half your education?

5. Are you prepared to be treated like dirt by an entire industry?  I have talked to adopting parents who place this process among the top five worst experiences of their lives, and sadly, I must number myself among them.  Then again, some people say the same thing about pregnancy, morning sickness, and childbirth, so I guess there is no easy solution.

6. Could you adopt children of other races?

7. If you want older children, what physical or emotional handicaps can you accept?