4 Classic golf trophy - getting rub of the green

The Dubai Desert, this is an Aladdin's lamp sort of thing, although a heck of a lot bigger.

It is definitely not a trophy to go waving over your head in triumph because the giant pourer could easily take an eye out.

You might have difficulty drinking champagne out of it as well without dislodging a couple of teeth belonging to someone on an adjacent fairway.

5 The Stanley Cup - forget about putting it on the mantelpiece

Supersize me baby, because this is one of the big daddies of trophies, symbolizing ice hockey supremacy in North America. A lot of us have trouble seeing the puck, but you can't miss the 15kg Stanley Cup.

It started off at about 18cm high and now it's just about tall enough to start going to school at 90cm.

The reason: winning coaches, players, management and club staff all get their names engraved on it. Naturally, there are more than a few engraving errors and who is to say that they have found them all.

Players from the champion club need a minimum of 41 games in the season to get their name on the trophy, while the canteen manager must churn out at least 10,000 hot dogs with mustard to make the cut (okay, I made the second bit up).

At this rate, the Stanley Cup might block out the sun around the turn of the next century although the cup has endured at least one operation to stunt its growth.

Footnote: One bloke has had his name misspelled on it five times.

6 The Ranfurly Shield - rugby is moved by goalposts

The most famous New Zealand sports trophy. This wooden, challenge shield was presented by the Governor-General, the Earl of Ranfurly, around the turn of the last century.

It initially sported a picture of a soccer game on the centrepiece. These days, an independent inquiry would be needed to sort the picture out, but back then, they simply drew in a couple of goalposts on top of the soccer goals.

(There might soon be calls to take the goalposts off since there is so much kicking in rugby).

Ranfurly legends are plenty, but not from recent times. The Log o' Wood has lost its revered place in New Zealand life.

The most famous upset occurred when Marlborough beat Canterbury in 1973. Controversies included North Auckland refusing late season challenges in 1978 - a move which led to their famous shield coach Ted Griffin boycotting games in protest.

The rest of the country has been getting its own back ever since by stealing Northland's best players and threatening to throw the team out of the first division. Forgiveness, guys. It's time to let bygones be bygones.

7 The Calcutta Cup - it could have saved a lot of bad blood

Scotland's John Jeffrey and England's Dean Richards took the Calcutta Cup - the trophy that these two giants of running rugby compete for - on to the streets of Edinburgh in 1988. The poor old cup suffered quite a few dings in the process.

The omens were never promising, since the pair had earlier filled the trophy with whiskey and poured it over England hooker Brian Moore's head.

Memories are said to be hazy but Richards confessed that the pair had played a game of football with the cup. There were no reports of them actually passing it to each other.

It needed about $3000 of repair work and led to Jeffrey being banned for six months by his union; Richards copped only a one-match ban.

If only English rugby had been a little stricter with Deano back then it might have saved itself an awful lot of embarrassment over the Harlequins "bloodgate" scandal.

A smashed-up trophy today, a fake blood bin disgrace tomorrow.