IX. Conflict Resolutions and Outcomes

1. Randall Scott Peterson: Short-Term Conflict Resolution. Short-term conflict resolution takes five forms: (a) separation (withdrawal from the relationship); (b) domination – influencing the other person to engage in accommodation and abandon goals (win-lose conflicts); (c) compromising – both parties changing their goals to make them compatible; (d) reaching integrative agreements; (e) working on structural improvements (changing basic rules and understandings).

2. Long-Term Conflict Resolution. Long-term conflict resolutions include: (a) avoidance if the issue is unimportant; (b) collaboration. Accommodating and competing are not advised.

3. Unsolvable Conflicts. In case of unsolvable conflicts: (a) practice avoidance; (b) work to change your goals; (c) abandon the relationship.

4. Defusing Unsolvable Conflicts (Michael’s Sound Bite 9-6): Interpersonal communication guru Virginia Satir offers three ways of ending unsolvable conflicts: (a) defuse yourself; (b) defuse the other person; (c) defuse the situation.

DISCUSSION STARTER 6: Think of an unsolvable conflict you’ve had. What made it unsolvable? How did the dispute affect your relationship? Looking back on the situation, could you have done anything different to prevent the conflict from becoming unsolvable? If so, what?

X. Influence of Gender, Culture and Technology on Conflict

1. Gender and Conflict

As we grow, we are socialized into a certain conflict management behavior suitable for men and for women. Women: (a) avoid conflict; (b) suppress their goals; (c) accommodate others. Therefore, women are seldom equipped to handle conflict. Men: (a) learn to be competitive; (b) taught not to harm women.

Usual gender conflict routine is demand-withdraw: women pursue conflict by demanding that her goals are met; men withdraw from the interaction.

Julia Wood: The usual cure is, with women: to (a) clarify goals; (b) never assume that no conflict exists due to absence of expressed struggle; with men: (a) be aware of men’s competitive nature; (b) stress collaboration; (c) avoid personal criticism, insults or threats.

DISCUSSION STARTER 7: What differences do you think exist in how men and women deal with conflict? How do your beliefs about these differences shape your approach to conflict with men? With women?

2. Culture and Conflict

Stella Ting-Toomey: The largest conflict influence is whether the person is a collectivist or an individualist. Collectivists: (a) view direct messages as personal attacks; (b) more likely to manage conflict through avoidance or accommodation. Individualists: (a) feel comfortable agreeing to disagree; (b) don't see such clashes as personal affronts.

William Gudykunst & Young Yun Kim: Advice to individualists in conflict with collectivists.

• Recognize third-person mediation as an option;

• Help the other person save face;

• Closely observe nonverbal and implied verbal messages;

• Use indirect messages;

• Let go of the situation if the other does not recognize it.

Advice to collectivists in conflict with individualists:

• Recognize that conflicts are separate from people;

• Focus on issues, not personalities;

• Use assertive style and be more direct, use I messages and state your opinions;

• Provide more verbal feedback;

• Manage conflicts instead of avoiding them.

DISCUSSION STARTER 8: Consider a conflict you’ve had that was complicated because of cultural differences. What specific differences amplified the conflict? How might knowledge of culture have helped you better understand what was happening and resolve the conflict more effectively?

C. Conflict and Technology

Kali Munro: When encountering a conflict situation online:

1. Wait and reread;

2. Assume the best and watch out for the worst;

3. Seek outside counsel;

4. Weigh your options carefully;

5. Communicate competently.