VII. Conflict Handling Styles

Kenneth Thomas, Ralph Killman

1. Avoidance is a way of ignoring conflict or communicating ambiguously about the situation. Avoidance takes such forms as (a) skirting (joking about it or changing the topic); (b) sniping (leaving the scene after an outburst); (c) swallowing feelings; (d) carefully avoiding problematic encounters altogether (Points (c) and (d) above come from an article on avoidance at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conflict_avoidance).

Avoidance risks include: (a) cumulative annoyance; (b) garnering pseudo-conflicts (thinking about situations as those of conflict when in fact they are not.

2. Accommodation is abandoning one’s goals to fit the desires of the other. Accommodation takes forms such as: (a) succumbing to someone with more power; (b) doing it out of love.

DISCUSSION STARTER 3: Recall a conflict in which you chose avoidance. Why did you make this choice?

What consequences ensued? Were there any positive outcomes? If you could relive the encounter, what, if anything, would you say and do differently to obtain more positive results?

3. Competition is a strategy of (a) confronting others; (b) pursuing own goals; (c) clear discussion of goals; (d) open pursuit of own goals. Competition is more common in online conflicts. The competitive approach: (a) triggers defensiveness; (b) leads to further escalation; (c) may result in sudden-death statements (curtailing relationships); (d) may lead to disclosing dirty secrets.

DISCUSSION STARTER 4: Recall a conflict in which you and the other person exchanged negative messages such as defensive communication, sudden death statements, or dirty secrets. What impact did these messages have on the conflict? How did they affect your relationship?

COMMUNICATION SCHOLAR: Alan Sillars

4. Alan Sillars: Collaboration is an approach that manages conflict as a mutual problem-solving challenge. Collaboration is practiced by (a) openly discussing goals or resources; (b) attending to everyone’s needs and desires; (c) using rhetorical messages; (d) focusing not on problems but on solutions; (e) avoiding personal attacks, (g) stressing the positive relationship. Hocker and Wilmot: (a) separate people from the problem; (b) focus on common interests and long-term goals; (c) create options; (d) critically evaluate solutions.

5. Compromise is offered as a fifth potential conflict management style by several other scholars.

DISCUSSION STARTER 5: Call to mind a recent conflict you experienced. Who was to blame? Was the cause of the conflict a temporary factor such as mood or stress or something more permanent? Was the other person cooperative or uncooperative? How did your judgments regarding blame, cause, and cooperativeness shape how you communicated?

VIII. Barriers to Constructive Conflict

1. There are several reasons for not getting engaged in constructive conflict: Alan Sillars: (a) Not being objective as a party to conflict; (b) blaming others for our own words and actions; (c) attributing our own behavior to good intentions; (d) seeing ourselves as cooperative and others as uncooperative; (e) blaming others instead of recognizing our own role.

2. To counter these problems: (a) assess your perceptions; (b) assess your attributions; (c) assess your contribution; (d) see if it is a long-term problem or a short-term problem and adjust your goals accordingly.

3. Physical Violence is the ultimate barrier to conflict management. Violence is exercised when people cannot think of a better way or believe no other options are available. When faced with violence: (a) seek assistance of your friends and partners; (b) apply any constructive conflict management techniques; (c) work to find other options, such as offering alternatives or engaging in self-defense.

Extreme cases of physical violence present a legal problem.