Man to Man

Man To M a n

■ ■ ■

To Man

C ro

I have wanted to teach you these next principles for 14 years. Now I think you are ready. There is much to cover. The idea is to educate you, to go slowly so that you can learn.

Thefirst ruleof success isto goslowly. The body hasacertain temperament, which has its own speed requirement. As an example, the walking speed of the body temperament is four miles per hour. Any person walking faster than that is moving more quickly than the body is built for and that person will mess up. There are also temperamental requirements for talking and hearing. When you talk fast, you mess up. It doesn't matter what you are trying to achieve, you will not achieve anything. This is because the ears are designed to hear at a certain wavelength. When you talk, you talk to be heard by somebody. You don't talk for yourself. So you must tune-in to the wavelength of the listener.

Success has many aspects and you must be successful in all of them to be totally successful. These aspects include physical, mental, social, personal, spiritual, business/ professional, financial, political, matrimonial, family, and general. Besides these 11 there are 5 more: sexual, behavioral, self-confidence, self-recognition, and the hearing habit. These 5 are very important. We will discuss them before beginning on the physical and mental aspects, which are more complex in their function.

You must clearly understand that sexual success and matrimonial success are nofthe samething. This difference must be known by you. There is no success if your behavior is not successfully approved in all the dimensions of your life—that's why we succeed only temporarily, but fail permanently. The key to your life is your behavior and successful behavior is wonderful; however, if you have successful behavior and you have no self-confidence, you have no roots. No roots at all. Ultimately, nothing means anything to you.

When your self-confidence has not been successfully developed, you reach the top but you go berserk. When you are truly confident, death only stops the existence of your personality. Others will pick up the example of your life and keep it going. That is called self-confidence. Self­ recognition is just that, recognizing the Self. The hearing habit is the final aspect. It is most irnportant to your success that you be able to commtmicate to others that you hear them. You have the capacity and the willingness to hear them. This is a most winning aspect. People want to be heard.

All these 16 aspects are the 16 fingers that will make the fist of success. When you make a fist with these 16 and you punch, time and space will give you the space. The problenrt in this country is that no one teaches you about success. How can you be successful when you are not told what success is, what its elements are, what its projections are? I was exactly four years old when I was given a lecture on successful living. Tell me, how many of you got it?

Now let us deal with the physical aspect of success. This aspect has eight parts: look good, smell good, speak well, socialize, use kind language, good manners, good etiquette, and projection. Projection is the most important of all self-behavior. Your projection is how you do anything you do and how that doing is perceived by others. Why do you want a good projection? For success.

Look good for success. Don't dress so that you look common. Don't look common. Project your special image. Present your special image with a special personality, a special being-ness. God has not made anybody equal. We are not the same in size, shape or dimension. That's the law. Each one is individual, and each one must appear as himself. Clothes don't mean anything. Beggars have commanded the respect of kings. One of the sickest things you can do is to follow the general trend in your dress. Today everybody has to wear a three-piece suit and a tie. You don't even have the guts to break away from the conventional situation.

I went to a party. The waiters were wearing those flowery dress shirts, tuxedo shirts. The host and the guests were also wearing them. There was absolutely no difference, no way to tell who was who. Actually the waiters were prettier because they were professional and they knew how to wear those clothes. The others were in bad shape. They had to rent the clothes for the occasion; and they didn't know how to deal with them.

What we mean by looking good is looking like you can be trusted. Give the person you are relating to a break, give him a saintly look. You know that when you see a guy coming in a three-piece suit, he's going to want to make a buck off you. Your first impression is to be careful of this clever guy, you ooze. If a girl comes along, oozing, just like that you know she's going to do you in. She may be very saintly, who cares? You have been taught, according to your American civilization, to ooze, to be smooth. Your personal look is oozing, but there is only one word that defines you in the mind of another person, "Oh, God, S-H-l-T." That's it. It's an automatic reaction. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not trying to put you off; but at that moment, you are oozing, just like a pimple oozes out. The feeling of pus is there, and then there is relief when the pus is out. In every appearance where I can see that it is good, fashionable, but where my mind understands that it is not good, that there is a split, some duality, I will be cautious.

To get past that cautiousness, people say, "Come on, let's have a drink." First they freak out, then they pass out, and then they negotiate. This is because they realize everybody has a wall. When you have the appearance that you are out to get something, you actually give the other person a clue, to be cautious of you and not trust you. So then you must get past those barriers of distrust. Look good and win the trust. I dress like this all the time. It's nice. Somebody may not trust me immediately, but they will in the end. There is no hurry to win the trust. Don't hurry, just look good and win it. How many of you knew that you should look trustworthy? In your life did anyone teach you about it?

You may be very well-dressed, well-mannered, wellpositioned, well-equipped, well, well, well, in everything, but if you do not win trust, you have not arrived. There is no point in corresponding, in traveling miles and miles, in hugging, kissing and all that when you have not reached the other person at all. When you start out, look good, look in your mirror, look in your consciousness, look in your intelligence, look at yourself—body, mind and soul— and ask one question: "Can I win the trust?" Then, after winning the trust, can you keep it?

I never react to anybody, because all of you have given your trust to me and I have to keep it. There's one more thing you have to do: You must give it back. You must deliver it. When you were born, it was called delivery. Trust is no good if you can't keep it. Keeping it is no good if you can't deliver. Why should you win the trust to begin with? For success! There is no success without it. We are not here to learn to be failures. We are here to learn to be successful. I am teaching you how God has planned human success. This is not my personal lecture; I'm no party to it.

Americans think they are successful. Let me tell you, Americans are the biggest failures in the world. Every American is a failure. In 200 years, we have exploited this great country and we have brought it to the brink of failure. No other nation in human history has done that to a piece of land that it has called "country." So what you call success, I call failure. We give billions of dollars to other countries, we create friendships, and yet nobody trusts us. Sometimes we win the trust in our foreign policy, but we cannot keep it. Why? Because we cannot deliver it. Why should we personally win the trust? Because it is the first step of success.

Man To Man

We win trust by looking good. By looking good to whom? To whom do we want to look good? We want to look good to the memory of the other person. Try to understand. We don't need to look good to the eyes of the other person, not that you don't want to look good as you are, but it is their memory that you want to impress.

When your name is Yogi Bhajan, what is the memory? That he is good, compassionate, nice, kind, so many things. Look good to the memory of the other person—to their memory, memory, memory, memory, memory. Get to the bottom of it.

Your remembrance must be good. That person must remember you looking good to him. Look good to the memory. That is where you establish

confidence. Whenever you are remembered by the person the memory must create a good feeling. The pineal, the pituitary, and the hypothalamus must secrete accordingly. When you win the memory, you win the glandular system. The good feeling comes from the accompanying glandular secretions. If you don't win the glandular system of the person and his glands secrete negatively, it doesn't matter what you say, it doesn't matter what you do, you are a _____ . I am not going to speak the word, but it's the opposite of success.

Sometimes you will appear before someone and actually make him nauseous. He will think, "1 can't take it." Then he pulls himself together and takes care of business. He says, "Yes, yes, I will do it. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Go." This all happens because your relationship is not good with the glands. Your presence,

your look, your talk, your manner, your projection must win the glands. They must make them secrete in your favor. Make-up, perfume, all that stuff, that bizarre situation, which convinces you that you need it to win the memory of the other person, to win the memory of their glands. It is brainwashing! It will never work.

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learning that! It’s ridiculous. When I look at that behavior, I think, "Where is the soul, where is the spirit, where is the godliness? The guy is so great and he uses that pathetic behavior." It is called "the dead look." Who can trust a person who has that look? When you get that feeling, that

look, that projection from a person, do you want to trust him?

Don't act that way. Don't look for sympathy. When you come home, come home. If you are tired, be tired. It's okay. Announce, "I'm dead tired. Do something, please; bring me back." That's the honest look, the bright look of a dead tired person. But you don't do that; no, you say, "Leave me alone." Then you run toward the other room with your shoulders slumped—that's

the dead look. You say, "I'm all right. I'm all right. Don't worry. I'll be with you in two hours." You rabbits, what are you trying to do? You call yourself men. Is that manly? Call her out. "Hey, wife, I am sick to death. Do something!" Then lie down flat. Break 3 glasses, 20 cups, who cares? But speak, announce.

When you say, "Don't worry; I know I have to go to dinner with you. I'll be all right in two hours,'' your, behavior is sheepish and nobody likes it. As an animal, the sheep is good; it gives wool, the lambs are pretty, but it doesn't become you. I have some students who are always afraid of me. When I address them, they have a scared look, as if I'm going to eat them alive. Their knees bend, they become one inch shorter. At the very idea of fear, the shoulders drop, the legs drop. They look like Charlie Chaplin. Charlie Chaplin.

That’s your image of a successful man. That's why somebody stole him from the graveyard. Your feet go wide to the sides, your shoulders drop and you start walking like that. Why was Charlie Chaplin so successful? Because he related to that sheepish look and there are so many sheep that he really made the bucks. It's the same reason pornography sells so much; because it is all in our heads, too, just like Charlie.

But remember, that kind of success is not everlasting and success that is not everlasting is a failure. Please remember it: First, success

which is not everlasting is failure. Second, success is only success when neither time nor space can take it away.

Nobodycantakeawaythe successof Mohandas Karamchand Ghandi. His was the success of peace. Nobody can take away the success of Guru Gobind Singh who stood for the weak and poor, for truth and justice. Nobody can take away the love and humility of Christ Jesus. Nobody can take away

Har bolo mere gursikh bhaa-ee.

Bar bolo sabh paap laijaa-e.

"Speak the word, Har, my Gursikh brothers. By speaking the word, Har, all sins shall depart."

One sound of the word Hartakes away all sins, but we must know how to speak it. Harmeans call on God for redemption. Call. Learn to call, learn to call, leam to call. Call your friend, call your son, call your mother, call your father, call your teacher—call, call, call, call, call. Call on your wife. Call on that little stuff hanging between your legs. Don't you have to call on it, too? Does it work automatically? Nothing works without a call. Whatever you have to solve, call.

When you call a name, it is a bad thing. When you call on God, it is a good thing. Don't call a person a name, call the name of God. See how the polarity works? The worst thing I have seen in Western countries is that you don't call and you don't answer. It is creating a mess in your lives. It is making you unsuccessful. It is your hidden agenda. You don't call and you don't answer. You are afraid to call because you are afraid to answer. The rule is: when you call, you are bound to answer the call.

Q: You said clothes don't mean anything but what is bana?

wear colored clothes. They want to be anonymous, synonymous, simple—one of the crowd. This is because in their minds, they have already accepted that it is difficult to deliver. .

Q: If you have a negative projection, will white increase your negative projection?

Yogi Bhajan: If you have a negative projection, the moment you look at yourself in the mirror and see the white reflected, automatically, subconsciously, you are giving yourself the message, "I've got to be nice now." That's what it does.

Q: You mentioned the hidden agenda and gave a meditation2 for it at Ladies' Camp. What's the time on it and will it work for men?

Yogi Bhajan; At that time I was only addressing the women. That's the only difference. I knew they would come home and share it.

Do you understand this one thing? Look good and win the trust, keep it and deliver it. What will that give you?

Students: Success.

Yogi Bhajan: With what?

Students: Memory.

Yogi Bhajan: Memory. The glands shall secrete in your favor. You have seen the rooster and the pigeon. They make their necks swell and puff up.

Boom, boom, boom. They speak good, they look good, and they dance so that the creative sexuality of the hen shall come through. Do you see how natural that is? They lie low and they dance to win the trust. The male could just pounce artd get it over with, but he knows that raping is not the creative act. It is the destroying act. Don't rape the privacy, the confidence, the coziness of anyone.

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longing. Habitual rejection is hatred. God created no threat to you. God created you, so don't be hateful to anybody.

There are three rules of success: Never speak ill of anyone; never act ill toward anyone; never listen to anyone speaking ill of anyone. Some people enjoy that gossip. It will make you ill. Those gossipers will say, "No, no, no. Don't mind. I'm just telling you my opinion about so-and-so." Tell him, "Very good,

very good opinion. Keep it with you."

You are going to have to be successful with the most rotten stuff. What is success? Succeeding with adversity. You have to succeed with every failure.

To succeed with failure is living—it's called life. To succeed with the successful and to succeed with the normal is a common idiot's job. Classified common idiots succeed. When the time comes, every ship goes into the harbor. When the tide is normal, everybody can be guided in. When the tide is phenomenal, and still you make it, then you have made it. The joy of that is called ecstasy.

Succeed with every failure. You understand? It isn't the life that matters, it is the courage you bring to it. Fortitude.3Read that novel. Make up your mind. Make up yourself. Make up your projection. Make up your look—and what should that look be? You should look like a man who succeeds against every odd, a ship that can go with every tide. You'll never be burned out. Your profession is hot to burn out; instead your profession should bum out the failures and make the path. "If one falls, ten should come in his place." "When things are down and darkest...

Students: . . . that's when we stand tallest."4

Yogi Bhajan: Ah, that's one line to write in your heart. "When things are down and darkest, that's when we stand tallest." That is the character, the personality, the being, the image of a successful man. That is the look. Look good. Got the idea? Your breakfast should be failures. Your lunch should

be adversity. Your tea should be misery and your supper should be disaster. Then you follow me, right? My trouble is that sometimes I overeat them. Count your meals and you should come out successful.

1will tell you another thing. There is no such thing as a failure. Life is a flow, sometimes quick, sometimes it doesn't go. This word failure is the language of paranoia.

2 See Appendix A .

3 A 19th century novel by Hugh Walpole that was very influential in Yogi Bhajan's early life.

4From Song of the Khalsg by Uvtar Singh Khalsa

Paranoia comes from guilt-conscfGuiness;; It comes from the devil and there isn't any devil, Man rebelled' against God and created an imaginary god, which he called the devil. It is-,norma! to be sick, .it is normal to be weak. It is normal to be crazy, It is sometimes normal to be oversleepy Sometimes it's normal to be downhill. Cars break down,Computers shut down. Everything does it and it.is a normal thing. However, we allow other people to judge us; and those who rebel against God judge us and they judge us as bad. They want to make us feel bad. It is so sickening. When I explain to somebody what is right and what is wrong and when I explain what that wrong action will lead to, they say, "You are pressuring us." No, no, no! There is no pressure. It is just explaining.

So actually there's no failure. But if there's any eating, you'll have to eat your own failures and you11 be surprised how hungry youlf get—because there are none. The cycle of time and space shall continue. It is how you can guide yourself. Do you understand that? Then what are you afraid of? What is anybody afraid of? Where can you fail?

Life is just a switch on and a switch off. Is that true or not? So when the switch is off up there, why are you worried? When it is on, why are you upset? As long as you are on, why don't you enjoy it? When it is off, you won't be there to judge and nobody will be judging. It is the judgment of other people that makes the normal flow of life abnormal. Therefore, if others are going to judge you, you had better judge yourself.

Be;your -own judge, You'ILsmell good. l say, "be your own judge and you'll smell good." What is good about smell? Looks cannot go beyond.-certain boundaries. .Smell goes. ■Smell goes into the enemy's-kitchen. Make-a-feast in-your house. All the neighbors will smell it. Do you know how rude it is to make a feastin your house andevery neighbor smells it and you don't invite them? Do you know what animosity you can create? It's a normal reaction. Whatever looks can do, looks can do; but what smell can do is far out. Smel^fits-fight in with memory.

Smell good, How? Judge your soul. Be your own judge. There'll be no fear and no failure within you—and then you will smell good. Do you understand that? You think that by spending $10, you will smell good. No. They are selling you smell to. get-your money. Smell has the, power to project beyond all obstructions, and if you don't smell good, you won't smell good. Smell is so powerful that we can make a special fire with fragrant woods and incense and the smell will attract'theangels to come.-to.'our aid. Good 'spirits-help us when we smell good. Judge yourself and be so judged that you-will smell good.

Q: If wejudge ourselves as right or wrong, then we will smell good. Do you mean that literally?

Yogi Bhajan: Oh, yes. Literally, quite literally. Judge yourself literally. If you look good and someone talks to you and you...cannot talk good, .then you. ruin, the "impression, right? But if you judge yourself, you can’tell the person,. "I cannot speak well with you at this time.w

;® lia t airosebMwsfias fo a see I f ? Wrerfsjafoseti

|s% K |dM e/| M^gf0eet:gQ&tiaWsY

You have prejudged yourself and you know yourself. Smell. Good smell and bid smell. It is a common phenomenon of life. If you have judged yourself, and judged yourself, and judged yourself—personality-wise—then you are. pady to spread your fragrance. What is this word fragrance? This.is the good smell of your deed. Thefragrance of your deed is the; by-product of .your self~judged: activity.

in your wrong doings. Wrong risks, uncalculated mental phenomenon, outrageous daydreams and ridiculous hopes are called mental pimping. Do you know, what a pimp is?

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Do you see? You can return anything with very kind language, It will keep your blood pressure in good shape, your mind in good equilibrium and the other person will learn out of the grace of your kindness. Some people love to spread garbage. But if you are kind enough to return it, they will understand the load of it and that will save you a lot,

Q: What do we do when somebody rides by in a car and yells out an insult to us?

Yogi Bhajan: You mean like, '"Hey, you white-turbaned pig!"?

and body language. Even slang language should be kind. Use very kind slang and be careful about using it. Slang changes its meaning every 12 miles. Speaking manners, dialect, changes every 250 miles. -

Manners is something else we need to cover here. By manners I don't mean being polite. No. I'm going to say the heaviest thing. Success is to have your manners and introduce them. First, you have your manners; then introduce them. As an example, you should not walk one way in one place and differently in another.

Q: Are these mannerisms as opposed to etiquette?

Give that person a big smile. When people yell and honk at you, you ajl know the stuff they do, put your hand out and give him a big wave. That's what I do and it's very effective. They don't know what to do.

Q: In other words, they give you one finger and you give them all five.

Yogi Bhajan: No, no, you just wave at him. Don't interpret your behavior. That's where you fall. A sacred secret should be left a sacred secret. That's it. The interpretation will be yours. Let him enjoy his interpretation and your act. Don't try to interpret others. If you are interested, ask them to explain. If you really want to get even with somebody who calls you a name, just ask that person to explain. Somebody once abused somebody over their mother.

"You are a so-and-so." "Prove it to me."

"I can't prove it to you."

"The proof is what you are when you do it to your mother."

"What did you say to me?”

" It’s the same thing that you said to me. Prove it."

It is called gap language. Give a person one wonderful word and then return his materials in the original back to him. Self-defense is not bad, just learn to change the frequency, Somebody will always use language to hit at you. Put it in reverse gear with kind language. It's niore effective. When your frequency and the other frequency become more and more intense, and more and more negative, then the situation will end in a big spark—Boom! That's not what you want.

p Remember, never try to be mean to anybody. Speak good ■ about the enemy."He's my number one enemy. God bless w him and may he get to heavens fast." Why say that you

3want him dead? There's no need to say that. "My friend,

-my prayers are with you. May you be ahead of me in

Yogi Bhajan: Mannerism is the combination of your personality and your projection and your feelings and your dealings in a situation. Manners are your projection with the time and space you are in. That's manners. Some people have different manners in different situations. They always end up in failure. The main cause of failure is no manners.

Failure doesn't come from the heavens, we create it. Success is our birthright, but when we aren't consistent in our manners, we create a big mess. For example, we go to a rich man's house and we start doing very shallow things. Then we go to a poor man's house and we get very uptight.

People come to see me and they cower. When they do this, I understand. "Come sit down properly. Now what do you want to say?" "I just did something." I say, "Look, it doesn't mean I'm going to forgive you. Just tell me what you did. Speak clearly to me." What is this habit you have of putting your tail between your legs? I say this doesn't work. That person wants to relate to me as his father instead of relating to me as his Teacher. I don't buy it. When I'm a Teacher, I'm a Teacher; when I'm a father. I'm a father; when I'm a man, I'm a man. There's no getting in and talking to me in that cowering way. It's baby talk and it won't serve the purpose. Be like a man and speak like a man. Wrong is wrong.

"Uh, yes. I've done wrong, sir. I'm sorry. It didn't work out right. I couldn't call you. The situation is grave. Please tell me what to do." It is a simple thing. Keep your manners simple.

Now we come to etiquette. The greatest etiquette is to deal kindly with every person or thing, living or dead. Deal kindly, gracefully, kindly, gracefully, kindly, gracefully. And, what is the third?

Students: Respectfully.

Yogi Bhajan: Respectfully, it's very important. This mannerism of respectfulness can bring you huge

dividends. There's a very common saying, "Flattery works even with God." It is a very shallow expression, but if you are respectful that will make you God. If you respect the creation of God, you will become God.

You are very disrespectful with your cars. Deal with your cars and don't bang them up. You put your car in reverse gear and back it into a pole. The pole cries, "Aaaaaaaah...

3HO." Within the entire parking lot you can recognize the 3HO cars by their dents. Those cars are silent servants. They augment your capacity.

Be respectful to those who direct you and those who serve you. That is the secret of success. Be respectful. Be respectful. I didn't say obey them or do everything right. Try to understand.

Now we come to the last item to be covered under physical success. It's called projection. Projection means penetration, going forward, getting into something. It can be defined in many ways. What does projection mean to you?

Students: To take a representation of the self and put it outward, forward into the world. It means creation of an image, creation of your image in other people's eyes. To be a pipe or clear water. Radiance. Exercise of my sensitivity. The clarity with which you can project yourself out. Your well-being. Presentation of yourself.

Yogi Bhajan: Bunch of fools! Projection is you, nothing else. Speak it.

Students: You, nothing else. Yogi Bhajan: Speak it again.

Students: You, nothing else. Yogi Bhajan: Speak it again.

Students: You, nothing else. Yogi Bhajan: Speak it again.

Students: You, nothing else. Yogi Bhajan: Speak it again.

Students: You, nothing else. Yogi Bhajan: Speak it again, everybody.

Students: (emphatically) You, nothing else!

Yogi Bhajan: You know simple things. Life is a very simple thing. Don't try to make it complicated. Projection is?

Students: You, nothing else.

Yogi Bhajan: Now, who will remember this?

Students: You, nothing else.

Yogi Bhajan: You're right, I will remember it. [laughter] Yes, I will remember it. In America, the best thing for a teacher to do is to remember the teaching and nothing else. Do not project your emotions, nor your commotions, nor your dividends, nor your profits, nor your losses, nor your defeats, nor your badness, goodness, helplessness, power, nor might. Only project, very gracefully, very kindly,

very respectfully, you—the self. The day you can project you and nothing else, that day you have succeeded,

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an M To Man