Marriage and dating

1. Marriage in the United States is considered a matter of individual responsibility and decision. Young people frequently fall in loveand marry even if their parents disapprove of their choice. American mar­riages are usually based on romantic love, rather than on social class, education, money, or religion. In fact, there has been a steady increase in intermarriage between young people of different religious back­grounds. On the other hand, marriages between blacks and whites are rare. They probably account for fewer than 1 percent of all marriages each year. Most American men marry by the time they are 25, and the husband is usually two or three years older than his wife.

2. Marriage is preceded by dating, that is, young men and young women going out together. Casual datingusually beginsin the early teens, and bythe late teensa pattern of steady dating develops. This pattern involves two young peoplegoing out togetherfor some length of time.Steady datingis often followed by marriage or by aformalengagement, which is, in effect, a public statement of the intention to marry. If the engaged couple change their minds, the engagement is broken. Broken engagements are not unusual and are completely ac­ceptable.

3. Although serious dating with a commitment to marriageis the familiar style ofcourtship in many cultures, which seems unusual to many foreign observers, is the casual American dating system. Very often young Americans who hardly know each othergo out on dates. For example, it is perfectly respectable for a young man to call up a young woman, introduce himself by telephone, and arrange a date. Usually theyhavea friend in common. It is equally acceptable for friends to arrangea "blind date," that is, adate between two young peoplewho have not met before.

4. After their marriage the young couple is free to decide where to live and when to start a family. Mostnewlywedsset up their own householdimmediately. In the early 1970s only 1.5 percent of all mar­ried couples were not living on their own—independently and by them­selves.

5. If the couple finds that their marriage was a mistake, they are free to get a divorce. The divorce rate has almost doubled in the past fifty years, and current statistics indicate that one of every three mar­riages willend in divorce. Many people view these figures with alarm. They fear that the institution of marriage is disintegrating—falling apart. A number of sociologists, on the other hand, say that this in­crease in divorces does not indicate more unhappy marriages. In­stead, they point to changes in the laws that have made divorce easier and to changes in attitudes that have made divorce more ac­ceptable than it had been years ago. They also claim that, since more than two‑thirds of all divorcedpeople marry again, divorce marks a temporary, rather than a permanent, break in marital relations.

CHOOSING A MATE

6. Although Americans try to be practical in most matters, when they choose a spouse,the decision is usually based upon feelings of love rather than practical considerations. In the United States, parents donot arrange marriages for their children.Teenagersusually begin dating in high school and eventually find marriage partners through their own social contacts. Though parents generally encourage their children to marry someone of the same race and religion, when young adultsmove away from their parents' hometo attend school or work in another city, they often date and then marry people from quite different backgrounds. Marriages between people of different reli­gious or racial backgrounds are increasing. However, marriages be­tween blacks and whites are still rather rare, involving less than 0.5% of the nation's 55 million married couples.