King: Herald, read the accusation

White Rabbit: The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts // All on a summer day; // The Knave of Hearts, he stole some tarts, // And took them quite away!

King: (to the jury) Consider your verdict!

White Rabbit: Not yet, not yet. There’s a great deal to come before that.

King: Call the first witness!

White Rabbit: First witness! The Hatter, please!

Hatter: I beg your pardon, your majesty, for bringing these in (shows a teacup and a piece of bread-and-butter). But I hadn’t quite finished my tea when I was sent for.

King: You ought to have finished. When did you begin?

Hatter: Fourteen of March, I think it was. Or fifteen. Or sixteen.

King: Take off your hat!

Hatter: It isn’t mine.

King: Stolen!

Hatter: I keep them to sell. I’ve none of my own. I’m a hatter.

King: Give your evidence, and don’t be nervous, or I’ll have you executed on the spot.

Author: This did not seem to encourage the witness at all. In his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and butter.

King: Give your evidence or I’ll have you executed, whether you’re nervous or not.

Hatter: I’m a poor man, your majesty, and I hadn’t begun my tea – not above a week or so – and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin – and the twinkling of the tea...

King: The twinkling of what?

Hatter: It began with tea.

King: Of course, twinkling begins with T! Do you take me for a dunce?

Go on.

Hatter: I’m a poor man, your majesty...

King: You’re a poor speaker. If that’s all you know about it, you may stand down.

Hatter: I can’t go no lower. I’m on the floor as it is.

King: Then you may sit down. Or you’d better go.

Queen: And just take his head off outside.

King: Call the next witness.

Author: The next witness was the Duchess’s cook. She carried the pepper-box in her hand. (All are sneezing).

King: Give your evidence!

Cook: Shan’t

Rabbit: Your majesty must cross-examine this witness.

King: Well, if I must, I must. What are tarts made of?

Cook: Pepper, mostly

Juror: Treacle

Queen: Collar that Dormouse! Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!

(The court is in confusion. The cook disappears.)

King: Never mind. Call the next witness!

Rabbit: Alice!

Alice: Here

King: What do you know about this business?

Alice: Nothing

King: Nothing whatever?

Alice: Nothing whatever

King: That’s very important

Rabbit: Unimportant, of course, your majesty means

King: Unimportant, of course, I meant

(to the jury) Consider your verdict

Rabbit: There’s more evidence to come yet, please your majesty!

This paper has just been picked up.

Queen: What’s in it?

Rabbit: I haven’t opened it yet, but it seems to be a letter, written by the prisoner to – somebody.

King: It must have been that, unless it was written to nobody, which isn’t usual, you know.

Rabbit: It isn’t a letter, after all, it’s a set of verses.

King: Are they in the prisoner’s handwriting?

Rabbit: No, they are not, and that the queerest thing about it.

King: He must have imitated somebody else’s hand.

Knave: Please, your majesty. I didn’t write it, and they can’t prove I did: there’s no name signed at the end.

King: If you didn’t sign it, that only makes the matter worse. You must have meant some mischief, or else you’d have signed your name like an honest man.

(Clapping of hands)

Queen: That proves his guilt

Alice: It proves nothing of the sort. Why, you don’t even know what they’re about.

King: Read them

Rabbit: Where shall I begin?

King: Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end, then stop.

Rabbit: They told me you had been to her,

And mentioned me to him;

She gave me a good character,

But said I couldn’t swim...........

King: That’s the most important piece of evidence we’ve heard yet. So now let the jury......

Alice: If any one of them can explain it, I’ll give him sixpence. I don’t believe there’s an atom of meaning in it.

King: If there’s no meaning in it, it saves a world of trouble, you know, as we needn’t try to find any “I gave her one, they gave him two...” Why, that must be what he did with the tarts, you know...

Alice: But it goes on “they all returned from him to you”

Queen: Why, there they are (points at the tarts)

King: Let the jury consider your verdict

Queen: No, no. Sentence first – verdict afterwards.

Alice: Stuff and nonsense! The idea of having the sentence first!

Queen: Hold your tongue!

Alice: I won’t

Queen: Off with her head!

Alice: Who cares for you? You’re nothing but a pack of cards!

Author: At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon her.

(Alice wakes up)

Alice: Oh, I’ve had such a curious dream!

Task 9. Prepare your examination topic on Alice in Wonderland. Make use of the following tips:

1. Give a few facts about the author of the novel, Lewis Carroll.

2. Comment on the theme of the novel

3. Dwell on the character profile of one of the personages.

4. Retell one of the episodes

5. Recite the quotes you liked

6. Express your opinion of the book