Only children
Is an only child special in some way? If children have no brothers and sisters, do they develop differently? Are they likely to be more intelligent? Or less confident? Or shier? Or more selfish? Or are they just the same as children from large families?
In recent months, there have been several newspaper articles about only children. (Perhaps because Britain’s population is falling.) Some writers even speak of the ‘disadvantages’ or the ‘problem’ of only children. But what are the facts?
In the Guardian, in January, Susan Strauss asked the question: “Are only children different?” She turned to statistics and child experts for the answer.
Statistics often show that only children are ‘achievers’ – people who become very successful in their careers. Apparently a lot of American scientists were only children, for instance. But first-born children in general (not just only children) tend to be ‘achievers’.
What did child experts say? In the 1920s and 1930s, they used to say, “Being an only child is a disease in itself”. In fact, of course, it’s impossible to support this. Only children naturally have a very different experience in childhood. They are always the centre of attention. No younger brother or sister arrives to challenge this and to share their childhood with them.
One modern-day child expert believes they may be more independent. They may be less willing to share things. They may have more difficulty getting used to school. But the phrase ‘an only child’ does not necessarily mean ‘a lonely child’. The Professor of Child Care at Sheffield Hospital, Ronald Illingworth says, “There is one great advantage for an only child. He or she receives all the love parents have to offer. A loved child usually grows up into a loving adult.”
So the general opinion of the experts is, “Only children are not very different from ‘non-onlies’ in either emotions or intelligence.”
In the Observer magazine in December last year, Angela Lewis wrote an article called “Are you an only child?” She interviewed several famous and successful people who were only children. Among them were Noel Edmonds (a BBC radio DJ and TV presenter), Sally Oppenheim (a Conservative MP), and Chris Bonington (the Everest climber).
Sally Oppenheim: “My parents didn’t spoil me. In fact, they were stricter than many parents. As a child, I used to talk to my dog for hours. I think pets are very important to only children. Mostly I was bored. This has made me work hard in my career. I like to be busy. I married young – as an only child, I think I needed a close relationship with another adult. Even now I still don’t like being an only child. I have a horror of being alone.”
Noel Edmonds: “I was shy at school. I didn’t make many friends. I wasn’t used to being with other children. In the school holidays I used to play on my own. But I had a very good friendship with my parents. I don’t remember feeling lonely as a child, but I used to invent my own dream world. And I decided very early that I was going to be successful.”
Chris Bonington: “I was shy. At times I was very unhappy, especially when I was sent to boarding school at five. I didn’t make close friends until I was about thirteen. I became very good at being by myself. I had no one to rely on, and no one to ask for advice. That made me independent, and I’ve always solved my problems myself. My wife and I have two sons. We didn’t want an only child because I felt I had missed a lot of things.”
What do you think?
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Do only children miss a lot of things? What?
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Are they more confident than other children? Or more dependent?
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Do they try harder to be successful?
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Do they make friends easily?
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Are you an only child? If so, would you like to have just one child or more than one?