In the hallway the housekeeping staff were having a squabble over who did or did not forget towels that were, or were not, of the right type.

'Let me hold you,' said Ted.

'Really now?' said Janet.

'Yeah, really now.'

Janet weighed the ups and downs of the offer. 'I used to love you dearly, Ted Drummond.'

'I used to love you dearly, too, my dear.'

'You want to hold me?'

'Yes. I want to hold you.'

'Our little girl's going into space, Ted.'

'Our little girl.'

Shortly, like twins in utero, arm in arm, they fell asleep.

21

At a pay phone down on Daytona Beach's main drag, Wade dialed Sarah at her private number. Bryan was browsing in a nearby shop that sold NASCAR baubles.

'Sarah?'

'Oh. It's you.'

'Huh? What do you mean "Oh, it's you"?'

'Just what I said.'

'Are you OK?'

'Yes. I'm OK:

Something's going wrong. 'What's up, little sister?'

'Wade, you're really pushing things by phoning me like this.'

'What — is it your training time right now? Should I have called at four a.m.?'

'That's not what I mean.'

'Sarah, what's happening?'

Sarah mimicked him: 'Sarah, what's happening . . .'

Wade felt dizzy, as if he'd just gotten off a Tilt-a-Whirl. 'Sarah, come on — this isn't fair. I have no idea what's happening.'

'I found out once and for all about Howie and Alanna.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah, oh.'

'How? Who told you?'

'Does it matter?'

'Yes, it matters:

Sarah went quiet on the other end. She sniffled once and was on the cusp of tears.

Wade said, 'Oh, geez, Sarah. I'm sorry. I'm so goddamn sorry I feel sick, and I really do feel sick. Oh, geez. Oh, geez.' Sarah sniffled again. There were loudspeaker sounds in the background. Wade asked, 'Who told you?'

'Gordon.'

'Gordon Brunswick?'

'Yes — Commander Gordon Brunswick, husband of Alanna.'

Don't be defensive. 'Why? How?' Wade sensed Sarah collecting her wits.

'Alanna blabbed. Because you caught her — them. Because she felt guilty. Because she's a meddlesome cow.'

'I see.' More background noises — a drill of some sort: a PA system. Wade tried imagining what he'd feel like if Beth cheated on him. He said, 'Christ, I'm sorry, Sarah.'

'You don't understand, do you?'

'Understand? Understand what?'

'It's not Howie I care about.'

'You're losing me, Sarah. You don't care about Howie?'

Sarah sighed; whatever tears there'd been were gone. 'Wade, you think I'm perfect, don't you?'

'Well — yes. I always have.'

'I can't take it any more.'

'Well, I mean nobody's per—'

'Shut up, Wade.'

'Sarah?'

'Gordon and I were having an affair. It's been the most liberating thing that's ever happened to me.'

Kaboom. What was blurred becomes focused. 'Like I'm someone to judge anything, Sarah.'

'We were going to make love up in zero-G.'

'Oh, man . . .'

'Now Gordon's called things off and shut himself off to me. He might as well be my tenth-grade chem teacher.'

'Oh, Sarah.'

'I was in love with him, Wade. Shit, I still am. What I have with Gordon is totally different than anything I remember feeling for Howie. Howie was OK, but I don't worship him. Never have. Do you worship Beth?'

'I haven't thought of it that way. I suppose I do.'

'I don't care about this mission any more. I don't.'

'Sarah — don't say stuff like that. You have to care.'

'Do I?'

This is all my fault. This is all my fault. I had to go wear clean clothes to the hotel. 'Sarah, you've been working towards this your whole life.'

'Correction: Everyone else has been pushing me towards this my whole life. Dad especially.'

'You can't just drop out. It's not like NASA has understudies. This isn't a high school production of Bye, Bye Birdie.'

'Oh, I'll go up there into orbit. And OK, I'll do my job. And that's all I'll do. I might as well be running a diagnostic test on an Audi. It's just a job.'

'Sarah, let me come see you. Can they give you an hour off at this point? Can we just talk?'

Sarah sighed. 'Wade — this is all kind of new to me. I don't know.'

'Is this why you were so pissy with Mom last night? Pardon my French.'

'Yeah. I shouldn't have yelled at her. It's the last thing she needs.'

Good. She still cares about other people's feelings.