donchenko_angliyska_ddlya_psikhologiv_i_sotsiologiv

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Text 8

I. Read and translate the text:

Confident Conversation

(by Dr Lillian Glass)

A great conversationalist is someone who connects with people and makes them feel important.

Usually starting a conversation means coming with an opening line or 'ice-breaker’. The best kind of icebreaker is one that is positive — after all, the last thing people want to hear from a stranger is how noisy the party is, how awful the food is, or how badly the party-goers are dressed.

A compliment is always a great icebreaker. It will usually be appreciated if you feel like saying to someone:

«You look great in that dress.» People appreciate it when their taste is noticed.

Any news event is a good icebreaker. The weather is another great opener. Many a relationship has begun with:

«Wonderful weather we're having.»

This is an obvious overture to a conversation, and how the other person picks up on it is a good indication of whether they are interested in having a conversation with you or whether it would be in your best interest to find someone more receptive to talk to. If you think the above two suggestions are tired old cliches, remember that a conversation always has to start somewhere.

If you pitch in with something that isn't a nice, general, easy subject, your partner may feel intimidated.

Other turns-off include being too nosy or too invasive.

Nobody wants to be pressed for the gory details, no matter how interesting it may seem to the other person.

Talk about something you've just read in a magazine, an interesting fact you've heard, something about your pet, or even a joke you've heard.

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Once you've got a conversation going, the best way to keep it going is by asking the other person questions that don't require just a 'yes' or 'no' answer, or questions that show genuine interest on your part as you hear what they have to say.

Ask questions without becoming too intrusive. Choose the kind that will draw a person out — who, what, when, where and why questions. Once you hit on something you find interesting, keep asking questions in order to get the other person to elaborate on the topic as much as possible. Good conversationalists elaborate on the experiences they have had.

Description is the best form of communication, because it keeps people's interest up and stimulates them. Use words to create images and paint pictures. Being a good observer and reactor means being attentive and sensitive to the other person's cues, in both their facial and body language.

Look for eye contact cues. If the other person is constantly looking away, he may be interested in something or someone else, in which case you can say:

«You seem preoccupied.» Take his cue and wind up the conversation and leave. Paying attention to a person's visual cues can tell as much as or even more than what they say verbally.

If you want to make a good impression on people and maintain a good relationship, you need to give others respect and enable them to feel important when they are around you. Being a good communicator requires having a good memory and remembering things about the other person.

If your memory is particularly bad you could always make notes. This works well with business associates and clients. Keep the notes in the file and look through them before calling up the person and when you know you're going to see him.

Often, if you have an approachable manner, people will respond to you and be attracted to you like a magnet. Approachability involves your body posture, gestures and

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V. Read the second part and render its contents in

Russian:

Ending a Conversation

If you've started a conversation with another person and you're having difficulty in ending it, there are subtle signals you can send to the other person that will end the conversation without hurting the other person's feelings.

Breaking eye contact is a good way of signalling to the other person that you are ready to end the conversation.

Assuming that you have maintained good eye contact throughout the conversation, looking off in another direction is a discreet signal that the conversation is about to end. Another way to signal that a conversation is coming to an end is to use transition words like «Well» or «At any rate», or even statements like «It was really nice talking to you».

You may then want to recap all that was said. To recap, look at the other person and state key points that have been made - theirs and yours - and express your appreciation for their point of view. Then you can add: «I've already enjoyed talking to you. I hope we'll have another chat soon.»

Whatever you do, don't lie to the other person. If you are not interested in talking to them again, don't mention the possibility of a future meeting just to be polite. That is hypocritical. Instead, you may finish by saying, «Nice meeting you», and then leave.

Finally, be sure to give the other person a good, firm handshake. The final impression you make can be just as important as the initial impression you made.

VI. What about your personal performance in a conversation? Does it coincide with the author's

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suggestion? Do you think his advice is of positive character?

VII. Read the following tips for maintaining a good conversation and take them into account:

•Be aware of your own body and facial language, which means making good facial contact when you speak and not invading the other person's space.

•Don't gossip. When you start gossiping, you run the risk of offending the person you are talking to because of their possible relationship to the person being discussed.

•Cultivate a wide range of topics. Keep up with current events by reading newspapers and magazines. When you are talking to someone you do not know very well, it is probably best to stay away from politics and religion or anything that is controversial.

•Have a sense of humour. Everyone enjoys a humorous story or joke, but take care. Even though sexist and racist humour often gets a laugh or a chuckle, it's not worth the effect that the jokes may have. People may be offended and may think less of you.

•Don't interrupt.

•Be enthusiastic. Your enthusiasm allows the other person to feel that you are interested in what they are saying.

•Be flexible in your point of view. You can certainly express your own views, but in a way that is not hostile.

WORD STUDY

I.Give Russian equivalents for:

Conversationalist; social gathering; to break the ice; to feel intimidated; to show genuine interest; to elaborate on the topic; to be attentive and sensitive; eye contact cues; to seem preoccupied; to make a good impression on; to maintain a relationship; communicator; approach-ability; lack of confidence and self-respect; subtle signals; to cultivate a range of topics; sense of humour; to be offended.

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II. Give all suitable word-combinations associated with «a good conversation».

III. Try to explain in the English language what the following words and word-combinations mean:

Communicator; icebreaker; gory details; facial and body language; to brand images; approachability; to hurt someone's feelings; to be enthusiastic.

IV. Describe the basic guidelines of a conversation with:

a)a stranger at a social gathering;

b)a boss at work;

c) a person you would like to produce a good impression on;

d)a business associate.

V. Develop the following situation:

You have just come from the party where you had to communicate with a very intrusive man. You feel disappointed and frustrated as you pinned great hopes on this gathering in the way of developing business contacts. You express your complaints and displeasure to your parents.

Text 9

I. Read and translate the text:

Is Good Conversation a Declining Art?

Many people unwittingly bore, irritate or mislead others.

Why — and what can be done to have more memorable conversations is explained in this interview by a leading authority on talk.

Q.: Professor Goodman, is the art of conversation waning in America?

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A.: I would agree that there never was a golden age of conversation in the U.S. Even in the days before radio and television, good conversation probably was not all that common. Despite the visions we have of colonial times when people supposedly sat around parlors exchanging ideas, my guess is that most people then were just too busy surviving to have much time for free-flowing talk.

Social rules in past times also restricted what men and women said to each other, and children really were seen not heard. When parents did talk to children, it was usually a matter of the adult commanding, advising or admonishing. That's not conversation. At any rate, we don't know for sure what conversation was like back then because there was no voice recording.

In many ways, conversation should be of higher quality today because the range of experience is broader and because we can hear others converse on television, radio and in the movies.

Q.: How does conversation today differ from what might have taken place years ago in the United States?

A.: Take young people. If a young couple beginning their courtship at the turn of the century could by magic listen in on the conversation of a similar couple today, they would be horrified. They would be stunned at the openness toward talking about such private matters as sex, religion and money.

Women are no longer feel compelled to wait for a long pause before they express their ideas, although they still tend to be less dominant in conversation than men. Children are also far more outspoken.

In contrast, people in decades past were more restricted in what they talked about. Their world was smaller, and they tended to stick to subjects that were more familiar to them. This was before the age of specialization, and people were on more equal footing when they talked to each other.

Q.: In your opinion, just what makes for a good conversation?

A.: A true conversation is like a sports event: its outcome is usually in doubt, not in terms of winning or

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losing, but in the sense that we don't know where it is headed.

Q.: Is the fact that parents and children are not on equal footing in conversation a reason for a generation gap?

A.: It's part of it. A lot of parents say to their teenagers,

«Let's have a conversation.» But the kids aren't interested because they know their parents often want only to interrogate or advise. They know that they don't have equal power. Yet those same kids will talk on the phone for hours with their peers.

Q.: Besides closed questions, what are some of the other talk tools that are overused?

A.: A common one is giving quick advice when hearing another's complaint or problem. You don't have the time to really address those problems, so you rely on some quick motto: «Well, it'll all work out in the end» or «Keep your chin up.» Americans can't seem to have long conversations about personal matters without wanting to come to some instant solution — much like the radio psychologists or the advice columnists. There's a tendency to go for the quick fix.

Q.: What skills are necessary to have a good conversation?

A.: You need to know how to gather information, how to guide someone, how to give and get attention and how to demonstrate understanding - especially empathic understanding. You also need to know how to make explanations about people and things and how to disclose personal information about yourself in an appropriate way.

Q.: Why are so many people deficient in talk skills?

A.: For one thing, our education system has failed almost completely to teach these skills. We teach writing - grammar, English composition - and we teach public speaking, but we don't teach the pleasures and pitfalls of face-to-face communication. This is ironic because we talk to each other or engage in public speaking.

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Q.: How is our society damaged by people's shortcomings in developing communication skills?

A.: It keeps people from making and keeping friends who can form a personal support network that's vital to mental health. It really is possible to teach people techniques for exchanging help with family, friends and support groups. Inadequate talk skills also play a big part in the high divorce rate. Many couples simply don't talk to each other well enough. One of the big problems is the husband's inability or unwillingness to disclose as much as the woman - particularly, when it comes to revealing feelings.

As for women, many allow themselves to be dominated in conversation too much. For example, men interrupt women more than they interrupt other men. That can lead to bad feelings that build up over the years. Married couples also overlook the importance of providing entertaining talk to each other. In time, they can become bored and drift apart.

II. Give synonymous phrases for:

Waning art of conversation; restricting social rules; adult admonishing; to be stunned; to be outspoken; to stick to subjects; pleasures and pitfalls; to reveal feelings; to provide entertaining talk; to drift apart.

III.Answer the following questions:

1.Has there ever been a golden age of conversation in the

US?

2.How did social rules interfere with male and female communication?

3.How did parents use to talk to their children?

4.Why is it difficult to restore conversation of the past times?

5.Why is it of higher quality today?

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6.Do the young people talk today as freely as did at the turn of the century?

7.Who is more dominant in conversation now: men or women?

8.What does a true conversation resemble?

9.Do you agree that poor conversation is one of the reasons of generation gap?

10.Do people eagerly listen to other people's complaints or problems?

11.What advice do they hurry to offer?

12.What skills are important for conducting a good conversation?

13.Is it necessary to teach people these techniques?

IV. Explain, please, what we mean by:

a)a golden age of conversation;

b)free-flowing talk;

c)equal footing in conversation;

d)face-to-face communication;

e)communication skills.

V. Compare conversation of today with that of past times as far as men, women, young men and children are concerned.

VI. Speak on:

a)the factors promoting high quality of conversation;

b)reasons for a generation gap:

c)empathic communication;

d)communication skills;

e)outcomes of couples’ misunderstanding.

VII. Express your opinion of the following statements:

1.Women tend to be less dominant in conversation than men.

2.A true conversation is like a sports event.