Dialogues_English

21.Beam Me Up, Scotty!

–Looks like our buddy Steve got rich. Probably won the state lottery or something. I saw him drive around in a red Lamborghini the other day.

It must be worth at least half a mil.

–Yeah, I know. I talked to him yesterday and even had a ride in that rocket of his.

–So, what’s his story?

–You won’t believe it.

–Try me.

–OK. You know that our neighbor Stevie never in his life had a job.

So, he sits around all day in his underwear watching “Star Trek” and browsing the paper. Well, about a week ago he goes through the automotive classifieds and he sees that ad. A Lamborghini for a hundred bucks!

And being the stupid Trekkie he is he just calls the number.

The guy on the other side says “Yep. Come on over and bring the money.”

Stevie says to himself “What the heck, it’s only a ten minute drive, what am I gonna lose?” You with me so far?

–Yes, I am. Go on.

–Let’s have a beer first. I had a tough day. You wanna a beer?

–Sure. Beam me up, Scotty!

22.Live Long and Prosper!

–Hey, thanks for the beer, man. Go on with the story, will you?

–So, you like it so far, uh?

–You bet I do! The suspense’s killing me. I’m on my toes waiting for the punch line!

–All right then, it gets even better. Our Captain Kirk gets there;

the guy gives him the signed title and the keys and off our Stevie goes in his new Lamborghini.

–No, you must be kidding!

–I kid you not, man.

The story, apparently, is that the guy was in the middle of a very ugly divorce.

I mean ugly. Ugly as they can get. He and his ex-wife fought over that Lamborghini for years. Finally, the judge rules that the guy must sell the car and give the money to his ex.

–Oh, no!

–Oh, yes, my man! Oh, yes! So, the guy tells the judge, very quietly, mind you,

“Yes, your honor!

Of course, your honor!” He sells his car to our trailer trash pal for the one hundred bucks and sends the check to his ex. The curtain falls. End of story.

–Oh my, oh my, oh my! Looks like the stupid ones have all the luck in the world!

–Let’s drink to our lucky Captain Steve and his new spaceship!

–Live long and prosper!

23.It’s A Free Country

–Have you seen the presidential debate last night?

–Well, I’m sorry to say I have.

–You don’t seem to be very impressed.

–Impressed, I was. By their incredible stupidity!

The Republican guy kept talking about “nu-killer” weapons. He can’t even say “nuclear”. I don’t believe he went to Harvard. Probably slept all the way through it…

–Well, brains are not his strong side. I give you that. What about the other guy? The Democrat.

–Democrat, my foot! He’s got more money in his pocket than Bill Gates and Donald Trump together.

The other day, they showed his ranch in California, and it was the size of Long Island. And he “stands for the poor”. Yeah, right…

–Eeny meeny miny moe, catch the vote by the toe! So, you gonna vote this time around?

–No way, Jose!

–But, I will. If you don’t mind, of course.

–Go ahead. It’s still a free country. Kind of…

24.Long Live the King!

–Hey, long time, no see!

–Hi there! Good to see you. Yes, I guess it’s been awhile…

–Where’ve you been? Hawaii? You’ve got a nice tan. I’m envious!

–No, not Hawaii. I’m back from Las Vegas. Got off the plane an hour ago.

–Well, that’s almost as good. How was it? Hit any jackpots?

–No. No jackpots for me. I don’t gamble, you know.

–No way! You went to Vegas and didn’t even gamble? That’s weird! Then, what were you doing there, if not gambling?

–Oh, this and that. We went to a couple of shows. I spent a lot of time in the pool. The buffets were pretty good.

–Yeah, I love the buffets in Vegas. Great food and dirt cheap, too.

–Yeah, Mary and I stuffed ourselves with steaks and lobsters. I felt like a pig.

–Hey, did you see any Elvises?

I think it’s about the right time for that annual Elvis Presley convention.

–Yeah, right!

I was wondering what that bunch of fat guys with sideburns and sunglasses were doing.

–It’s pretty funny though when they start twisting and wiggling and saying:

“Thank you! Thank you very much!”

–Elvis forever, man!

–Long live the King!

25.The Impossible Book

–Hey, let’s go for a walk or something!

–Oh, I’m kind of busy here…

–Busy bee as always. What are you doing? Reading again? Let me see the title.

–It’s a bit silly, actually. You’re gonna laugh.

The title is “It is impossible to teach you a foreign language”.

–So? Like I didn’t know. I always knew there was no way I could be taught a foreign language.

–That’s exactly the point the author makes. His whole argument is that you must teach yourself. You can learn it only yourself, from within; no one can teach you, from without.

No teacher, no professor, no one.

–Well, hmm… maybe, it’s not as stupid as the title sounds.

–No, it’s not. It’s pretty funny but also smart at the same time. I think you’d like it.

–I’m suspicious. The guy probably sells you some snake oil in the end. One of those scam artists.

–Nothing of the kind. You just are being cynical. You’ve got to trust people a little more.

–If you say so, but I’m intrigued. Maybe, I can borrow the book from you sometime.

–Sure. When I’m done with it. By the way, you can download it from the Web. For free.

–Really? Maybe, I’ll do that. You can’t beat free…

26. How Are You, Officer?

–How are you, officer? Is there something wrong? I haven’t done anything, have I?

–Good morning, sir. The radar showed you speeding. You know the speed limit here?

–Well, no, I don’t know…

–Really? The sign is right in front of you, sir.

–Oh, I see. You’re right, officer, but I didn’t notice it. Sorry, officer.

–Your license, registration, and insurance, please.

–OK, let me see. Here they are, officer.

–It’s only the license and registration. You have insurance, don’t you, sir?

–Yes, officer. Of course, I do, officer.

–Let me see it then, sir.

–Sorry, I’m sure I put it in the glove compartment somewhere. It’s so hot today, isn’t it, officer? It’s a tough job to sit all day on the bike in the sun, like you do…

–Your insurance, sir.

–Sorry. I’ve found it! Here it is!

–Let me see it. It seems in order.

–Of course, it is. Officer, let me explain about the speeding. Everybody was going…

–It doesn’t matter, sir. It was you on the radar. I’m giving you a ticket. Fifty dollars for the first time infraction. Have a nice day, sir.

–Oh, man!

27. That’s the Spirit!

–I was given a ticket today.

–Really? What for? You are such a good driver.

–Speeding. I was going down that hill and the damned cop ambushed me. Caught me on his radar.

–Where was it, you said?

–Oh, you know… that hill with the fancy house on top.

–The red roof house? With the trees around it?

–That’s it. I was driving right past it when the cop pulled me over.

–But, the traffic cops sit there all the time. It’s their favorite hiding place. You didn’t know? Everybody knows that.

–Well, I didn’t.

–How much is it?

–Fifty bucks for the first time. I was caught for the first time in my life, damn it!

–Everybody gets caught sooner or later. What are you gonna do? Pay it?

–Well, it says right here that I can either pay it or appear in court. I’ll fight it! It’s unfair! They’ve got no right to ambush! Why don’t they go and catch some real criminals for a change!

–That’s the spirit! Go get them!

–You’re damned right I will!

28. Games?

–Oh, it’s so exciting! Halloween is coming. I need a costume. Have you decided on a costume yet?

–Yes, I have. I won’t have one.

–What do you mean? What about the Halloween party?

–I’m not going anywhere. No way.

–Why? It’s such fun. I’ll dress up like an evil witch, I think.

–I thought you were a Christian.

–But, of course, I’m a Christian.

–I don’t think that being a Christian and being a witch add up.

–Don’t be so serious! It’s just a game. Just fun.

–Aha. It’s a game all right. But only it’s a satanic one, pure and simple.

–Oh, I can dress up like a good witch or a fairy, if you want me to.

–Well, I don’t. Good or bad, it doesn’t really change anything.

I’m pretty fed up with all this satanism under the guise of “fun” and “tradition”. I’m not playing this game any more.

–What are you gonna do then?

–I don’t know. Whatever. Study French or something…

–We can study together…

–You mean that? Really?

–Yes, I do…

29. Protect And Serve

–Lookie who’s coming my way! Mister Law and Order in person! Hey! Is it true what they say? That you’ve become a cop? Or, it’s just nasty rumors about you?

–Hi there. No, it’s true. I’m on the force now. Fresh out of school.

–So, you went to a police school and all?

–Yes, I did. Graduated with flying colors, and now it’s “protect and serve”…

–What do you actually do? Kick any doors in yet?

–Oh, I’m a traffic cop with the State Patrol.

–Traffic cop!? Man, I’ve always been scared of traffic cops!

–Well, who isn’t? Speaking of which, a funny thing happened to me yesterday.

I’m on the beat, cruising in my police car and liking my new uniform, and all of a sudden, I notice a police car right behind me! And, I get really terrified! He’s gonna get me! What have I done!? I get real sweaty and all… And then I think to myself

“Wait a minute! I’m a cop myself now! I don’t have to be afraid of no stinking cops any more!”

–Oh man! That’s really funny! Hey, you should sell that story to some stand-up comedian or something. OK. And it’s really good to see you, man. Let’s go and have a drink or two. I’m buying.

–Yeah, sure…

30.The Magic Word

–My car died on me. Just ‘round the corner.

–Obviously, you need a new one. Yours is a piece of junk.

–It’s not a piece of junk. It’s a vintage classic. It’s a Chevy sixty eight with all the original parts.

–All?

–Well, almost all. Sure she needs some fixing, but all in all, she’s in fine shape.

–Fine shape, right. Then my wheelchair-bound grandma is in fine shape, too.

What are you going to do, if the next time it dies on you on a freeway in the fast lane?

–Well, I don’t take fast lanes. She’s not that fast…

–Is that supposed to be funny? I’m not laughing, you know. It’s pretty serious. You can kill yourself.

–I’m not gonna kill myself. I’ll change the battery, the plugs, and the fuel filter

and she’s gonna be just like new.

–Fine, suit yourself.

–OK…

–“OK” what?

–Can I borrow your car for a couple of days?

–And?

–“And” what?

–The magic word.

–Please…